Rationing Anecdotes (Post No.3741)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 20 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-59

 

Post No. 3741

 

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Tackling Tyre ration!

 

A motorist driving through the back country of Vermont stopped at a little gas station and asked for a tankful. He remarked casually to the proprietor

I guess you fellows are all pretty sore at Leon Henderson.

Leon Henderson,? said the old timer

Who is he?

The motorist, looking at him for a moment and then thinking quickly said

Do you sell tyres?

“Sure”, the proprietor said.

“You want some?”

The motorist said, I will take four, paid his money and drove hastily away thanking Providence.

 

Xxxx

Prophet Flying with Tyre!

 

A small boy, keenly aware of the transportation problems created by rationing, was looking at a book of Bible illustrations. One of these depicted the Prophet Elijah, Ascending to Heaven in a chariot of fire. He noted the halo above the prophet’s head and cried ,

 

“Oh ,Mother, Look he is carrying an extra tyre.

 

Xxx

 

Sugar Ration

 

“Does anyone here” , asked the teacher of the Night School for Adult Education, administering a vocabulary test, “know the meaning of ratiocination?”

 

“I know, said the young stenographer in the class.

It is what they are doing to sugar”.

 

((Definition of ratiocination. 1 : the process of exact thinking : reasoning. 2 : a reasoned train of thought)).

 

Xxxx

 

 

 

Censorship anecdotes (Post No.3738)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 19 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-02

 

Post No. 3738

 

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We never open letters!

 

According to John Gunther, an American journalist in Japan wrote to a friend and added the note, “Don’t know if this will ever arrive because the Japanese censor may open it.”

A few days afterward, he received a note from the Japanese post office saying,

“The statement in your letter is not correct. We do not open letters”.

 

Xxxx

 

Censored Love Letter

 

A young lady received a letter from her soldier sweetheart from

‘Somewhere in the Pacific area’.

Upon opening the envelope, she found, instead of a letter, a thin strip of paper bearing the brief message:

“Your boyfriend still loves you, but he talks too much.”

Signed, Censor

 

Xxxx

Banned Books

 

The book of Helviteus De l’ Espirit and Voltaire’s poem of La Pucelle d’Orleans were prohibited in Switzerland at the same time. A magistrate of Berne, after a strict search for these two works, wrote the Senate:

“We have not found in the whole province either wit or maid”.

 

Xxx

Cervantes’ Whisper

 

The French ambassador to Spain complemented Cervantes on the great reputation he had acquired by his Don Quixote .

Cervantes whispered in his ear, “Had it not been for the Inquisition, I should have made my book much more entertaining”.

 

Xxx

 

Sales Tricks!

 

A grim lesson for the exponents of bigoted censorship is contained in the characteristic American press agent story of how the famous picture ‘September Morn’ was popularised.

 

An art dealer, stuck with a formidable surplus of this lithograph of a nude girl, consulted a well-known press agent Harry Reichenbach .

 

Reichenbach had many of the pictures placed in the shop window. He then hired a crowd of small children and grouped them around the front of the store. Next, he phoned to Anthony Comestock and hysterically demanded that he come and witness the sordid exhibition of vice and corruption. Comestock came and immediately opened one of his inimitable litigations. In consequence of the publicity resulting from this, 7,000,000 copies of this picture were sold.

 

–Subham–

 

Refugees Anecdotes: Hitler’s Rule! (Post No.3734)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 18 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 5-51 am

 

Post No. 3734

 

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Many and devious have been the devices employed by refugees seeking to escape from occupied France. It is reported from hitherto unreliable sources, that such a man threw himself upon the mercy of the proprietor of a small travelling menagerie (a collection of wild animals kept in captivity for exhibition.).

 

“I am afraid to disguise you as an employee”, said the man.

“You might be discovered too easily. It happens that our gorilla died a little over a week ago and we preserved his hide, thinking that we might recoup the loss by having it stuffed some day.

 

If you want to put it on, you can travel with us in the cage”.

 

Faced by his desperate need, the refugee did so. And whenever the menagerie was on exhibition he put on as good a show as he could manage.

 

One night when no one was around, he was horror struck to discover that the bars had become loosened between his own and the adjoining cage on the same truck. One of them had fallen out, and through the opening came his neighbour, the lion. As the animal slunk toward him, the gorilla cringed in the corner and began to cry

“Help! Help!”

“Shut up, you damn fool”, growled the lion

“You aren’t the only refugee.”

Xxxx

 

Prisoners Anecdotes : Jewish blood to a Nazi Soldier!

 

Some of the Nazi airmen invite mistreatment by their belligerent attitude. There is the case of the wounded Nazi airman who panned English doctors, bemoaning the fact that he had no good German doctors to fix him up. In the middle of his tirade he had the misfortune to faint.

“Don’t worry”, the doctors told him when he came to.

“You will be alright. The chances are that you will have better manners too, now that you have got a couple of pints of good Jewish blood in you”.

 

–Subham–

 

More Parliament Anecdotes (Post No.3686)

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Date: 3 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:-9-14 am

 

Post No. 3686

 

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HIS MAJESTY’S ASS!

One night Burke severely attacked some act s of the Government. George Onslow arose and haughtily said that he must call the honourable member to a sense of his duty and that no man should be suffered in his presence to insult the sovereign.

Burke, in his reply, gravely addressed the Speaker,

“Sir, the honourable member has exhibited much ardour but little discrimination. He should know that, however, I may reverence the King, I am not at all bound, nor at all inclined to extend the reverence to his ministers. I may honour his majesty, but sir, I can see no possible reason for honouring, and he glanced round the treasury bench at Mr Onslow and the other ministers, “His majesty’s man servant and maid servant , his ox and his ass!”.

 

Xxx

 

Hear, hear!

 

During one of his much admired debates in parliament, Sheridan was annoyed by the persistence of a well meaning fellow, who kept punctuating, by the exclamation,

“Hear, hear”, almost all of his most telling remarks.

In the course of discussion Sheridan took occasion to describe a political enemy as, “wishing to play the rogue but having only sense enough to act the fool. Where”, he cried forcefully,

“where shall we find more foolish knave or a more knavish fool than he?”

 

“Hear, hear!”, was the annoying response.

 

Sheridan swung about and thanked him forthwith, sitting down amid a general roar of laughter.

 

Xxx

 

Go to graveyard!

A young peer once asked Disraeli what course of study he had best take to qualify himself for speaking so as to gain the ear of  the House of Lords.

“Have you a grave yard near your house?” asked Disraeli.

“Yes”, was the reply.

“Then, said Disraeli, I should recommend you to visit it early of a morning and practice upon the tomb stones.”

 

Xxx

 

PARLIAMENT FOR FOOLS!

A noble man wished Garrick to be a candidate for the representation of a borough in parliament.

“No, my Lord, said the actor, I would rather play the a part of a great man on the stage than the part of a fool in parliament”.

 

XXX

 

SEVEN WEEKS, NOTHING HAPPENED!

At one time the House of Commons had sat in a long and ineffectual session. Mr Papham, Speaker of the houses, was summoned by Queen Elizabeth, who said to him,

“Now, Mr Speaker, what has passed in the Commons House?”

He replied, “if it please Your Majesty —seven weeks”.

 

Xxx

 

Elections Anecdotes (Post No.3621)

 

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Date: 9 FEBRUARY 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 18-06

 

Post No. 3621

 

 

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My Vote for You!

There is the story of a Yankee farmer who promised his vote to the Democratic candidate for Selectman and ten minutes later promised it to the Republican nominee. To his wife’s rebuke he replied cannily,

“Did you notice how pleased each of the candidates were?”

“Yes”

“Well, I pleased them both, and on Election Day I will please myself, and then we shall all be pleased together”.

 

Xxxx

Public offices anecdotes 

 

The typically parliamentary mind suffers considerably from the necessity of departing from orderly procedure. This was clearly demonstrated in the meeting of the Town Council of a small city on the West coast of USA. The session was interrupted by a mild earthquake shock, and all present hastened out of the building to safety.

The clerk found himself severely perplexed by the problem of concluding his formal minutes of the meeting in the proper manner. After mulling over the problem for a considerable length of time, he was inspired to the following conclusion:

“On motion of the City Hall, the Council adjourned”.

 

Xxx

 

I am ready to walk: Lincoln

Lincoln was once asked if he did not find the office of the presidency with all its attendant ceremonies rather tiresome at times.

Lincoln replied, “Yes, sometimes. In fact I feel sometimes like a man who was ridden out of town on a rail and said “If it wasn’t for the honour of the thing, I would rather walk”.

 

Xxx

 

God and Abraham Lincoln!

John Bach McMaster , the historian, told this story of Abraham Lincoln.

When he was a very small boy he was taken to a reception at the White House . The guests were lined up and led past the president under the watchful eyes of the ushers. No one was allowed to come very close or shake his hand. One old man who had come a long distance just for this occasion was very disappointed at not having shaken hands with  the President.

Just before leaving the line the old timer waved his hat at the president and shouted, “Mr President, I am from up in York state where we believe that God Almighty and Abraham Lincoln are going to save the country”.

Jovially the president waved back at him ,”My friend, you are half right, was his reply”.

Xxx

Lincoln’s Knowledge of History!

Jefferson Davis insisted on being recognised by his official title as commander or President in the regular negotiations with the US Government. This Mr Lincoln would not consent to.

Mr Hunte there upon referred to the correspondence between King Charles the first and his parliament as a precedent for a negotiation between a constitutional government and rebels. Mr Lincoln’s face then wore that indescribable expression which generally preceded his hardest hits, and he remarked ,”Upon questions of history, I must refer you to Mr Seward for he is posted on such things and I don’t profess to be; but my only distinct recollection of the matter is that Charles lost his head”.

–Subham–

 

Inspiring Anecdotes in the Life of Swami Chinmayananda Saraswati (Post No.3600)

Written by S NAGARAJAN

 

Date: 3 February 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:-  6-10 am

 

 

Post No.3600

 

 

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by Santhanam Nagarajan

Swami Chinmayananda Saraswati (Birth 8-5-1916 Samadhi 3-8-1993) was one of the greatest Hindu spiritual leaders of our times.

He was in Himalayas. One day there was a sudden call! He himself narrated what had happened thus: “Mother Ganga in her incessant hurry seemed to tell me, ‘Son, don’t you see Me? Born here in Himalayas, I rush down to the plains taking with me both life and nourishment. Fulfilment of any possession, is in sharing it with others.’ I decided. I was encouraged. I felt reinforced. The urge became irresistible.”

Then he came down to the plains and started meeting people. He travelled length and breadth of the whole world and attracted thousands of followers. His Gita discourses were very famous. He founded Chinmaya Mission on 8th August 1953. The Chinmaya movement was born out of love and rooted in the wisdom of Truth.

His eloquence in English is very famous. Once when one devotee told him that he was always in the midst of troubles he immediately retorted saying, “When troubles come to trouble you, don’t trouble to stop the troubles, but allow the troubles to trouble the troubles, so that no trouble is free to trouble you. Trouble not at troubles; let the troubles trouble the trouble”. Everybody laughed. The questioner understood the point and was cleared of his doubt. The great Tamil Poet Thiruvalluvar said in his poem, “When trouble comes laugh at it”

He delivered several lectures in America.  At the end of the first talk in Palo Alto, one of the listeners asked him, “What is your technique?”

“What is my technique? My technique is to stand on my nose and meditate” said Swamiji. “But I only practice it in private”.

 

He gave a mischievous laugh, and then thundered seriously, “If you are looking for shortcuts in spirituality or instant psychedelic happenings, you have made a mistake today. But don’t repeat it – don’t come tomorrow.”

His words were straight.  Everyone got the message. They turned every day to hear the discourses.

Once, a young boy asked Swamiji, “What made you renounce the world? You were a postgraduate in English Literature and Law, and a very successful journalist:

Swamiji asked him in return, “when will you spit that thing out?” referring to the chewing gum in the boy’s mouth. “Oh! I am just about to spit it out. There is no juice left in it,” said the boy. “Ah! I, too, did just that,” laughed Swamiji. “I had chewed the world sufficiently and did not find any more juice in it.”

One skeptic asked him, “Whatever you teach is there in the books. What do I need a Guru for?” He replied, “Why don’t you ask the question to the books.”

How to inspire the young children imbibing the idea of God in them? In Manila, some children gathered around him.

He asked them, “What is the color of the milk?”

“White” answered all the children.

“What color is the cow?”

“Black.”

“What does it eat?”

“Grass.”

“What color is the grass?”

“Green.”

“What makes the green grass eaten by a black cow to come out as white milk?”

The children were silent.

He said “Krishna! It is the Lord who makes the impossible possible.”

His unique way of teaching is incomparable.  Devotees used to narrate hundreds of interesting anecdotes happened in his life.

Once, Mr Manian, the famous Tamil writer, journalist and editor of many magazines in his welcoming address at Madras said: “ We find in Swamiji a Good Teacher, a Popular Preacher, a Religious Leader, a Philosopher, a Rational Thinker, a Scientist, an Artist, a communicator, a Journalist, and Educationist and above all a Guiding Spirit. In him we see the wisdom of Vasishta, the vigour of Viswamitra, the knowledge of Brigu, the thought process of Veda Vyasa, the power of Kasyapa, the determination of Gautama and pardom me Swamiji, the anger and humour of Durvasa,”

Verily he was a great saint who propagated the glory of Hinduism.  His life was his message!

This article first appeared in www.ezinearticles.com on 26-1-2017

Peasel follow the link :   http://ezinearticles.com/?Inspiring-Anecdotes-in-the-Life-of-Swami-Chinmayananda-Saraswati&id=9628890

 

Stubbornness and Vanity Anecdotes (Post No.3579)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 26 January 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-28

 

Post No.3579

 

 

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General Grant was known for his tenaciousness. Having once taken a place he never surrendered it.  Abraham Lincoln once commented on this to General Butler, saying,

“When General Grant once gets possessed of a place he seems to hang on to its if he had inherited it”.

 

Xxx

How to control Mules?

A man who was extremely successful in dealing with mule teams was once was asked by General Booth of the Salvation Army, how he managed the stubborn creatures

Well, General, explained the man,

“When they stop and won’t go on I just pick up a handful of soil and put it in their mouths. Of course, they spit it out, but as a rule they start on”.

Why do you think it has the effect?, asked the General.

“Well, I don’t know, but I expect it changes the current of their thoughts”, the mule driver replied.

 

Xxx

Vanity anecdotes

Byron’s vanity

Scrope Davies was on very intimate terms with many great men of the period, and he had such admiration for the author of Don Juan, Byron, that he could gain admission to his rooms at all hours . On one occasion, he found the poet in bed with his hair “en papillote”, upon which Scrope cried in great glee.

“Ha, ha, Byron , I have at last caught you acting the part of the Sleeping Beauty.”

Byron, in a rage, exclaimed ,

“No Scrope; the part of a damned fool, you should have said”.

Upon which Scrope answered ,

“Anything you please, but you have succeeded admirably in deceiving your friends, for it was my conviction that your hair curled naturally” .

“Yes, naturally every night; but do not, my dear Scrope, let the cat out of the bag, for I am as vain of my curls as a girlfriend sixteen.”

 

–Subham–

 

Age Anecdotes (Post No. 3549)

Image of Cicero, Roman emperor

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Date: 16 January 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 20–17

 

Post No.3549

 

 

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Fabia Dollabella saying she was thirty years of age.
Cicero answered:”it must be true, for I have heard it these twenty years.

Xxx

 

92 year old man after a young girl!

When Oliver Wendel Holmes was still on the Supreme Court bench, he and Justice Brandeis took walk every afternoon. On one of the occasion s, Holmes, then 92, paused to gaze in Frank admiration at a beautiful young girl who passed them. He even turned to look at her as she continued down the street. Then, turning to Brandeis, he sighed, “Oh! what I wouldn’t give to be 70 again!

Xxx

A farmer called out to Colonel Thomas Hart Benton and inquired to know his age. The Colonel replied, “According to the calendar my age is seventy four, but when anything is to be done I am thirty five years old, sir”.

Xxx

 

Bernard Shaw on Youth!

Youth, said Bernard Shaw , ” is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children “.

Xxx

I do not approve of shadows in painting “, said Queen Elizabeth to Daniel Meyers. ” You must strike off my likeness without shadows.

The queen was near sixty when she said this and the shadows, as she charitably called them were wrinkles big enough to have had a straw in them.

Xxx

I am 38, only my Mum is 41!

Stirred by the patriotic fervour that swept over the country, an Irish man of 41 tried to enlist in
the army. Although the recruiting sergeant saw that this man would make a good soldier, he could not accept any man over 38.

“Listen, fella”, said the sergeant, ” are you sure of your age? Suppose y ou go home and think it over, and then come back tomorrow.”

Next day the Irish man returned.
“Well,how old are you now? Asked the sergeant.
“I was wrong yesterday “,said the hopeful recruit. ” Sure , I am 38. It’s e old mother who is 41″.

Xxx

Ex President of USA

In his e extreme old age John Quincy Adams was slowly and feebly walking down a street in Boston. An old friend accosted him and shaking his trembling hand asked, ” and how is john Quincy Adams today?

“Thank you “, said the ex-president, ” John Quincy Adams is well, quite well, I thank you. But the house in which he lives at present is becoming quite dilapidated. It is tottering upon its foundations. Time and the season s have nearly destroyed it. Its roof is pretty well worn out . Its walls are much shattered, and it tremble s with every wind. The old tenement is almost uninhabitable, and I think John Quincy Adams will have to move out of. It soon. But he himself is quite well, quite well “.

SUBHAM

 

SNOBBISHNESS Anecdotes (Post No.3460)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 18 December 2016

 

Time uploaded in London:- 6-21 AM

 

Post No.3460

 

 

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Greek Noble

The Athenian general Iphicrates was the son of a shoemaker. One of his opponents in a suit at law, a descendent of pariot Harmodius, referred insultingly to Iphicrates’ humble birth. With the spirit of a true democrat, the general answered calmly,

“Yes, the nobility of my family begins with me; just as that of yours ends with you”.

xxxx

Snobbish English

 

Mount Vernon, the estate of General George Washington, is visited by many people. One day a somewhat snobbish and patronizing young English man remarked to Shep Wright, an old gardener employed on the estate,

“I say, old man, this hedge. Ah ……. I see that dear old George got this hedge from England”.

 

The old gardener was more than a match for him. Looking at the young man quizzically for about a minute, he said:

“Yes reckon he did. And that ain’t all. He got this whole blooming country from England”.

 

xxx

Asking for Dinner

 

Displaying considerable snobbishness a Englishman remarked to an American friend, “How unpleasant it must be for you Americans to be governed by people whom one would never think of asking for dinner”.

 

With scarcely a moment’s thought, the American replied coldly, “No more unpleasant than being governed by people who wouldn’t ask you to dinner.”

 

xxx

Sir William Wallace rebuffed

 

There came to the National Art Gallery in London, one day, a gentleman rather shabbily dressed, carrying a picture under his arm, who asked to see William Boxall, the governor. He was peremptorily refused an audience, and only repeated rebuffs was he granted a moment’s interview.

 

The stranger intimated that he had a picture in his possession which he wished to give to the National gallery, and began to unbuckle the straps to show the painting within. Sir William, however brusquely ordered him either to leave it or take it away altogether, saying that he was too busy to look at it.

“But you had better have one glance – I ask for no more”., said the stranger.

 

Again Sir William refused, and was just on the point of turning away when the covering fell off the picture and there was revealed one of Terborch’s masterpieces which the governor himself, sometime previously, had failed to gain though he had offered for it 6000 pounds.

“My name is Wallace, said the stranger quietly, Sir William Wallace, and I came to offer this picture to the National Gallery.”

“I almost fainted, related Boxall later.

 

–Subham–

 

Patriotic Americans: Soldiers and Sailors Anecdotes (Post No.3294)

Army_US_Post_FLAG.jpg

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 27 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 17-22

 

Post No.3294

 

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Vice President Henry A Wallace, in his famous speech on “The Century of the Common Man “, told the following story of heroism and courage

 

The American people always had guts and always will have. You know the story of the bomber pilot Dixon and radio man Gene Aldrich and ordnance man Tony Pastula -the story which Ameicans will be telling their children for generations to illustrate man’s ability to master any fate. These men lived for 34 days on the open sea in a rubber life raft, 8 feet by 4 feet, with no food but that which they took from the sea and the air with one pocket knife and a pistol. And yet they lived it through and came at last to the beach of an island they did not know. Despite their suffering and weakness, they stood like men, with no weapon to protect themselves and no shoes on their feet or clothes on their backs and walked in military file because, they said, “if there were Japs, we didn’t want to be crawling.”

 

Xxx

Any Volunteer Please!

During the heroic defence of the Bataan Peninsula, one of the commanding officers lined up a company of his men and asked for a volunteer for a mission of the utmost peril. Anyone willing to serve was instructed to step forward two paces from the line.

 

He glanced for a moment at a memorandum in his hand and, looking up, was shocked and disappointed to see the ranks unbroken.

“What, he said unbelievingly, ” not a single man!”

” You do not understand, sir, said an aide at his elbow , the whole line stepped forward Roy two paces “.

(It reminds the story of Great Sikh Guru — Guru Gobind Singh who asked for five volunteers)

ussoldies

Xxx

Philosophy of Life!

A profound philosophy of life is reflected in the reply of the sailor who, when he was asked what he done with his pay , said, Part went for liquor and part went for women. The rest I spent foolishly.

 

Xxx

 

Shortly after the Revolutionary War, Benedict Arnold was presented at Court in London. While the King was conversing with him , Lord Balcarass, a stately old noble, who had fought under General Burgoyne in the campaigns of America, was presented. The King introduced them with Lord Barcarass and General Arnold

 

What sir, said the haughty old earl drawing up his lofty form, the traitor Arnold!” and refused to give him his hand.

 

The consequence was a challenge from Arnold . They met and it was arranged that the parties should fire together. At the signal Arnold fired. Lord Balcarass, however, throwing down his pistol, turned on his heel, and was walking away, when Arnold called after him,

Why don’t you fire my Lord?

Sire, said the earl, ” I will leave that to the executioner “.

 

—SUBHAM–