Political Party Anecdotes (Post No.7681)

Written by LONDON SWAMINATHAN

Post No.7681

Date uploaded in London – 11 March 2020

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Thaddeus Stevens, once going into the room of the Committee on Elections of which he was a member, found a hearing going on. He asked one of his Republican colleagues what was the point in the case.

“There is not much point to it”, was the answer.

“They are both dammed scoundrels”.

“Well”, said St evens,

“Which is the Republican damned scoundrel? I want to go for the Republican damned scoundrel”.

Xxx

I am a Democrat

Senator George W Norris had made a speech in Norfolk, Nebraska the night before and was taking a walk after breakfast when he noticed some men hitching a horse in a livery stable across the street. One of them recognised him and crossed over hurriedly introducing himself as a preacher in a place twelve miles away, in haste to get home to deliver his sermon.

The preacher wanted to shake his hand.

“I have followed your record in the Congress , he said, and I came down to your meeting last night to hear you talk . Mr Norris, I am so anxious to have you succeed that every night on bended knees I ask god to guard and protect you and see that you are elected to the Senate in order that your activities may have a wider scope. Why I get so enthusiastic that I almost feel as though I ought to vote for you myself”.

“Well, my good friend, if that is the way you feel about it, why don’t you vote for me?”

“Oh, Mr Norris, I never could do that. I am a Democrat.”

Xxx

United States and Slavery

Judge T Lyle Dickey of Illinois related that when the excitement over the Kansas Nebraska Bill first broke out, he was with Lincoln and several friends attending court. One evening several persons, including himself and Lincoln, were discussing the slavery question. Judge dickey contended that slavery was an institution which the Constitution recognised, and which could not be disturbed.

Lincoln argued that ultimately slavery must become extinct.

After a while, said Judge Dickey, we went upstairs to bed. There were two beds in our room, and I remember Lincoln sat up in his night shirt on the edge of the bed arguing the point with me. At last we went to sleep.

Early in the morning I woke up and there was Lincoln half sitting up in bed.

Dickey, said he, I tell you this nation cannot exist half slave and half free.

Oh, Lincoln, said I, go to sleep.

Xxxx

Inherited from England

Cobden used to tell us the following anecdote,

When in America, I asked an enthusiastic lady why her country could not rest satisfied with the immense unoccupied territories it already possessed, but ever must be hankering after the lands of its neighbours; when her remarkable reply was:-

“Oh the propensity is a very bad one , I admit, but we came honestly by it, for we inherited it from England” .

Xxx Subham xxxx

More Golf Anecdotes (Post No.7375)

  More Golf Anecdotes (Post No.7375)  

Compiled by London swaminathan Post no. 7375 Date 23 December 2019 Uploaded from London Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks  
xxxx


Searching frantically for an almost hour , two novices at the game of golf attempted to find their balls which they had driven into the rough.
About to give up they were approached by a sweet old lady who had been watching them sympathetically,
I don’t wish to interfere, gentlemen, but would it be cheating if I were to tell you where the balls are?

Xxx  

THREE STROKES, THREE ECHOES!
A foursome at golf were going around on a course which had as its hazard a deep ravine. Three of them were caught and two of them decided to forfeit the hole rather than take a chance on having too many strokes chalcked up against them . The other decided to take his chances.
He disappeared into the ravine and others gathered around to watch his progress. Finally the ball appeared and bounced up on to the green.
How many strokes ? Asked one.
Three.
But we heard six.
Three of them were echoes.
Xxx  

CARELESS CADDIE
The golfer, annoyed at the loss of his ball, started to scold his caddie for not having been more careful in watching its flight.
Replying thoughtlessly, attempting to excuse himself, the caddie said,
Well, sir, it dint usually go any where, so it sort of took me unprepared like
Xxx  

LABORERS SYMPATHY

  A couple of day labourers, on their way home from work, stopped to watch a game of golf. They saw a golfer drive his ball into the rough; watched as he toiled to extricate himself. Then he got into sand trap and laboured, throwing up huge clouds of sand, to get himself out of his difficulty .
Finally, after getting on the Green, he managed to put the ball into the cup. One of the labourers, a burly Irishman, had been watching all this with a most sympathetic eye. Unable to repress his verbal sympathy, he said,
Now, mister, yez arre in a helluva fix.

Xxx  

DISAPPOINTING SUCCESS
A new member of a golf club was led to the first tee. Surrounded by grinning spectators he teed off, and with an almost miraculous drive landed the ball in the first hole. Noticing no sign of anything from his watchers, who were in fact struck speech less by this feat, he marched off to the second tee. Taking his stance again he drove at the ball, and again it went into the cup.
Waving his club as though in near disappointment he said,
Gosh, I sure thought I would missed it that time.
Xxx


Football Anecdotes (Post No.7343)

WRITTEN By London Swaminathan

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Date: 14 DECEMBER 2019

 Time in London – 19-30,

Post No. 7343

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Football and Religion


In Belfast they still tell you about the football game that took place between the 100 % Catholics and 100% Protestants. A Limey attended that game and when the Catholics made a skilful play he applauded and when the Protestants in their turn scored he again joined in the shouting. At this point an Irishman jabbed the Limey in the back and said,


“My God, Man, haven’t you got any religion at all?”


Xxxx

“Girls” won the match

Coach Dana X Bible of Texas A and M college delivered perhaps the quietest, shortest, most effective pep talk in recent football history. His team had been badly trounced in the first half of one of their big games. The interval between halves was one of silence and gloom in which the coach said nothing. At last, as the team prepared to go out again on the field, he looked them over slowly and deliberately and said,
Well, girls, shall we go?
They won the game.

Xxx

The football game between Notre dame and Yale was in full swing. The score was tied. The spectators were yelling wildly; the players were grimly determined that their side would win.


About the middle of the third quarter time was called at the request of the Yale Center. Walking up to the referee he said,


Look here, Mr Referee, I don’t like to complain but every time we get tangled up in a scrimmage play that big Irish Center bites me. What do you think that I should do about it?


Well, snapped the referee, the only thing I advise is that you play him only on Fridays.

Xxxx subham xxx

Pope’s Cardinal in Hell! Pope said OK! (Post No.6538)

Compiled  by London Swaminathan

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Date: 12 June 2019


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23

Post No. 6538

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Michelangelo , when painting in the Popes chapel the picture of Hell and the souls of the damned , made one of the latter so exact a resemblance of a cardinal who was his enemy, that everyone immediately applied to Pope Clement , desiring it may be effaced; to which te latter replied,

“You know that I have power to deliver a soul out of purgatory, but not out of Hell”.

Xxx

Hole in Pope’s Chair!

New made Popes were formerly seated on a chair with a hole in it, from whence they threw money to the people. The design of this delicate throne was to intimate to the newly elected Pope, that he was subject to the calls of nature like other men.

Xxx

Pope’s “Miracle”

When Sixtus the Fifth aspired to the Popedom he counterfeited old age for fifteen years. During the conclave assembled to elect a new Pope, he leaned upon a crutch and appeared remarkably firm. His plan took so  well that the cardinals elected him, expecting that he would die soon. But shortly after his election,  he performed the “miracle” of his own cure.

Xxx

Christ will be crucified again!

Goethe walking through Rome with a friend, said to him. “There is not a relic of primitive Christianity here; and if Jesus Christ was to return to see what his deputy was about, he would run a far chance of being crucified again.”

Xxx  subham xxx

Judge says, ‘You be Hanged’ and Bishop says ‘You be Damned’ (Post No.6515)

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Date: 8 June 2019


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Post No. 6515

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‘Vat a devil is dat?’ – Handel Angry! (Post No.6331)

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Date: 1 May 2019


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Post No. 6331

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Mendelssohn ‘s friend Madame Frege sang to him a song with the words,


“Time marches on by night as well as day
And many march by night who fain would stay
Oh that has a dreary sound! The composer cried with a shudder— but it is just what I feel “

He then suddenly rose, as pale as death, and paced the room hurriedly, complaining that his hands were as cold as ice.


He died within a month.

Xxxx

BRAHMS WONDERED!


Robert Fuchs, a reminiscent composer, was present one day when a highly Brahmsian composition of his was played to Brahms, and nearly fainted with embarrassment when the Master, assuming innocent bewilderment, asked him:
“But what piece of mine was that?”

Xxx


STOP THAT TERRIBLE MUSIC


Brahms attended a rehearsal of his clarinet quintet, and was so touched that tears came to his eyes. To cover his emotion he marched across the room, closed the first violin part and growled:
Stop the terrible music!

Xxx


MOZART


When Nietzsche one day observed to Wagner that in Figaro, Mozart had invented the music of intrigue, Wagner replied:
“On the contrary! In Figaro Mozart dissolved the intrigue in music.”

Xxxx

FATHER’S INTERFERENCE

While George Gershwin was at work on the Rhapsody in Blue, his father thrust his head into the room.


“Make it good, George”, he counselled, it might be important.


So, indeed, it proved as Pa Gershwin was able to demonstrate irrefutably to a doubting Thomas.
“Of course it is a great piece ! Doesn’t it take fifteen minutes to play?”

Xxx

MEISTER, MEISTER

Brahms hates to be called Meister /Master or Tonkunstler/ musical artist, for, he contented,
You might as well call me Cobblemaster or Maker of Clay Stoves and have done with it.

Xxx

VAT IS DAT?



The first time the musical instrument called “the Serpent “ was used at a London concert over which the German composer Handel presided, he was so much surprised at the coarseness of its tones that he called out sharply:


“Vat a devil is dat?”
On being informed it was the Serpent, he replied,

“It never can be de serpent vat seduced Eve”.


XXXX SUBHAM XXX



‘I write when the Spirits Command me’ – William Blake (Post No.6040)

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Date: 6 FEBRUARY 2019
GMT Time uploaded in London – 21-29
Post No. 6040
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William Blake, English mystic, poet and artist, said
I write when commanded by the spirits, and the moment I have written I see the words fly about the room in all directions. It is then published and the spirits can read. My manuscripts are of no further use I have been tempted to burn my manuscripts, but my wife wont let me.

Xxx

Shakespeare Imitation!


At the Garrick Club in London the witty librettist W S Gilbert was once making light of Shakespeare, to the horror of most of those surrounding him.
All right, then, said Gilbert in answer to their protests,
Let us take this passage for example
I would as lief be thrust through a quickest hedge,
As cry Plosh, to a callow throstle

Why that is perfectly clear, insisted one of his hearers, rising to the defence of the bard.
It just means this bird lover would rather get himself all scratched up in the thorny bush than disturb the birds song. What play is the passage from?
No play, said Gilbert, I made it up — and jolly good Shakespeare too.

Xxx


Boileau in presenting a poet to M. d ‘Hemery, addressed him,
Sir, I present to you a person who will give you immortality; but you must give him something to live upon in the meantime.

Xxx

Proof Reading !


On the subject of proof reading some authors are a menace to their publishers,
While others suffer from legitimate grievances. In one such instance the author , Ward Dorance, wrote to his publishers on the subject of proofs of his book,
In all the proof that has reached me windrow has been spelt Window, if, in ,the bound book windrow still appears as window, then neither rain nor hail, nor gloom of night nor fleets of riot squads will prevent me from assassinating the man who is responsible. If the coward hides beyond my finding, I shall step into Scribner’s and merely shoot up the place, Southern style

Xxx

Thomas Hardy

The import of Thomas Hardy’s birth was so little appreciated that he was thrown aside for dead. Presently he must have been so in fact, had not the nurse glancing up from attending the mother, cried out suddenly,
Dead! Stop a minute. He is alive enough sure!

Xxx Subham xxxx

GREEKS SACRIFICED 100 OXEN FOR A DISCOVERY! (Post No.5827)

Compiled by London Swaminathan
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Date: 24 December 2018
GMT Time uploaded in London – 20-34
Post No. 5827


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Mathematicians Anecdotes

When the Greek philosophers found that the square root of 2 is not a rational number, they celebrated the victory by sacrificing 100 oxen.

XXx

PASCAL – A born mathematician


Pascal’s genius for geometry began to appear before he was even 12 years old, in the room where he passed his hours of play. He procured a piece of charcoal, and drew diagrams on the floor, trying to make a circle, perfectly round, a triangle with equal sides and angles, a perfect parallelogram and like thing. He discovered all this unaided and then turned his attention to the properties of these figures and their mutual relations and proportions. But as his father had with such great care concealed from him all mathematical works, the poor boy did not even know the names of the figures he drew.

Compelled to make his own definitions he called a circle ‘a round’ and a line a ‘bar’ etc and with these very primitive definitions, proceeded to construct his axioms, till at last he wrought out complete demonstrations!

Step by step he advanced in his studies, one discovery opening the door to another; and so far did he push his researches, that without ever seeing a mathematical work, he got to the thirty second proposition of the book of Euclid.

Xxx

USELESS MATHEMATICIANS!


Edison approached the mathematical aspects of his science with that same practical instinct and native ability that characterised every other phase of his work. He often succeeding in beating the mathematicians on his staff to the draw in search for correct formulae, seeming to arrive at his conclusions through infallible instinct and native genius.

“These mathematicians make me tired”, he often said, “you ask them to work out a sum and they take a piece of paper, cover it with rows of’ ‘a’ s and ‘b’ s and ‘x’ s and’ y’ s. Decorate them with a lot of little numbers, scatter a mess of fly specks around them and then give you an answer that is all wrong!

Xxx

Explorers Anecdotes — KANGAROO!

When Captain Cook discovered Australia, his sailors brought a strange animal aboard ship whose name they did not know. Sent ashore to inquire of the natives, they came back and said,

‘It is a kangaroo’.

Many years passed before it was known when the natives were asked to name the animal and said, ‘Kangaroo’, they meant,

‘What did you say?’

Xxx

·  Robert Falson Scott, the explorer, applied to Lloyd George for assistance in financing of his last and fatal polar expedition. The then Chancellor referred him to a certain wealthy man, also of some prominence in the political scene.

·  How did you succeed? Asked Lloyd George, when the explorer again called on him.

·  “He gave me a thousand pounds” was the reply,” but he has undertaken to raise 20,000 pounds if I can persuade you to come with me, and a million if I can manage to leave you there”.

tags- mathematicians, Explorers, Pascal,Kangaroo

—SUBHAM—


University and College Anecdotes (Post No.5613)

 

COMPILED by London Swaminathan

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Date: 1 November 2018

GMT Time uploaded in London – 17-43

Post No. 5613

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GREATNESS OF HARVARD

Dr Charles W Eliot, the eminent educator of Harvard whose fate it has been to be dubiously immortalised by a five foot shelf of books, was once asked how Harvard had gained its prestige as the greatest storehouse of knowledge in the nation.

In all likelihood , said Dr Eliot slyly, it is because the freshmen bring us so much of it, and the seniors take away so little.

Xxx

 

SAVE OUR TOBACCO
Attorney General Seymour of Virginia snorted at the establishment of William and Mary College, which was founded not only to inculcate learning but to save souls? He cried.

Damn your souls. Make tobacco.

Xxx

COW AND COLLEGE

Sir William B—, being at a parish meeting, made certain proposals which were objected to by a farmer. Highly enraged, Sir, said he to the farmer, do you know, sir, that I have been at two universities, and at two colleges in each university?

Well, sir, said the farmer, what o’ that? I had a calf that sucked two kye, an’ the observation I made was, the mair he sucked the greater calf he grew.

Xxx

100 years to make an oak tree!
When James A. Garfield was president of Hiram College a man brought up his son to be entered as a student. He wanted the boy to take a course shorter than the regular one.

My son can never take all those studies, said the father.
He wants to get through more quickly. Can’t you arrange it for him?
Oh, yes, said Mr Garfield, He can take a short course: it all depends on what you want to make of him. When god wants to make an oak he takes a hundred years, but he only takes two months to make a squash.

Xxx

ADVENTURE OF A TOURIST GUIDE
A guide, New at his business, was showing a group of tourists around Oxford. Conscientiously, he pointed out all the places of interest. Coming in front of one of the buildings he paused and said,
‘And this is Trinity Hall, where the president of the college, the famous Benjamin Jowett, lives.’
Glancing around at the upturned faces, the guide then stooped and picked up a handful of gravel and threw it at a second story window. A red faced and a furious man opened the window almost immediately and peered out.

And that is president Jowett himself, said the guide in a tone of voice as though he had just completed a task well done.

Xxx

MISS

Hendrik Willem Von Loon was visiting Cambridge.
That, said someone who was showing him around the university, is Miss Jones, pointing to a formidable looking female striding along before them. She is the mistress of Ridsley Hall.

Who, asked Von Loon, is Ridsley Hall?

Xxx Subham xxx

My Great grandfather was a Baboon! Dumas outburst! (Post No.5497)

Compiled by London Swaminathan
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Date: 2 October 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 7-40 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 5497

 

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Family and Children Anecdotes 

 
The elder Dumas (Alexander Dumas) was once interviewed by an enterprising reporter, who, like many other admirers of the novelist, was curious about his ancestry.
Is it true that you are a quadroon Mr Dumas? He asked.

I am, sir, Mr Dumas replied .
So your father….?
Was a mulatto
And your grandfather?
Was a negro.
Dumas patience was running out but the reporter was a bold man and continued,
May I inquire who your great grandfather was?
A baboon, sir! Thundered Dumas .
A baboon! My ancestry begins where your ends!

quad·roon

/kwäˈdro͞on/

noun

  • a person who is one-quarter black by descent.

 

mu·lat·to

/m(y)o͝oˈlädō/

noun

  • a person of mixed white and black ancestry, especially a person with one white and one black parent.

Ne·gro

/ˈnēɡrō/

noun

  • a member of a dark-skinned group of peoples originally native to Africa south of the Sahara.

adjective

  • relating to black people.

ba·boon

/baˈbo͞on/

noun

  • a large Old World ground-dwelling monkey with a long doglike snout, large teeth, and naked callosities on the buttocks. Baboons are social animals and live in troops.

Xxx

 

Marrk Twain’s Ancestors

The story is told that Mark Twain was once a guest of an English man who took him, with some pride, into a manorial hall hung with a huge tapestry depicting the King Charles the First. The host placed his fingers with great pride upon the figure of one of the obscure clerks of the court and said ‘ An ancestor of mine ‘.
Twain, always offended by such ostentation, casually put his finger upon one of the judges seated on the tribunal and remarked,
An ancestor of mine but it is no matter , I have others.

Xxx

May Flower Ship

To a man who had proudly said,
My ancestors came over in the Mayflower, Will Rogers retorted,
My ancestors were waiting on the beach

Xxx

Mark Twain, whenever confronted by people who were haughty about their ancestry, was fond of saying,
My grand father was cut down in the prime of his life. My grandmother always used to say that if he had been cut down fifteen minutes earlier, he could have been resuscitated.

Xxxx

Two Irishmen

Children Anecdotes
Two Irish men were discussing their families. One was boasting about his seven sons, that he had never had any trouble with any of them.

“Yes, indade, he said, they’re just the finest boys in the world. An’ would you believe it, I niivver laid violent hand s on any one of them except in self defence”.

Xxx

 

Boiled eggs please!

Babies Anecdotes

Mrs K, after expressing her love for her children added tenderly,
And how do you like babies, Mr Lamb?
His answer, immediate, almost precipitate, was
B- b- boiled, Madame

Xxx

Great man Walt Whitman
When a baby in a crowded Washington horse car was screaming, Walt Whitman took it from its mother, into his own arms; the infant stared at him a long time, then snuggled against him and fell asleep. Presently the conductor got off the car to get his supper, and Whitman acted as conductor the rest of the trip, still holding the sleeping baby.

Xxx

Snoring Actress!

Eleanore Duse, the great actress, once offered to look after the year old baby of some friends while the family went for a walk.

What will you do if she cries? They asked.

Do? I will sing to her, said the resourceful Duse
I have lots of tricks to entertain babies .
When the parents returned, they found the baby sitting quietly in her carriage, her eyes fixed with a hypnotic stare upon the sofa. There lay the great actress, her head drooping, her mouth open, her eyes shut. She was snoring — regularly , sonorously snoring.

Slowly she opened her eyes
Sh! She said. If I stop for a second, she will cry .
Then she explained,
I sang for her; I danced for her; I made faces at her; I acted the whole of Paolo and Francesca, to her and she hated it all. But the snoring— from the first faint sign — she loved it.

 

xxx

Cross Breed is dangerous! Bernard Shaw

I posted 15 anecdotes from the life of Bernard Shaw. Following children anecdote was one of them:-

 

1.Children

 

There is a legend about the fervent message Bernard Shaw received from Isadora Duncan expressing the opinion that by every eugenics principle they should have a child.

“Think what a child it would be”, she said, “with my body and your brain.”

Shaw sent the following response, discouraging the preposition, “Think how unfortunate it would be if the child were to have my body and your brain.”

Xxx subham xxxx