More Loans and Banks Anecdotes (Post No.4980)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 5 May 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 9-02 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4980

 

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Written by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 5 May 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 8-32 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4980

 

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It is said that Henry Clay once asked the Riggs Bank for a 250 dollar loan on his personal note There was no reflection upon his credit , the bank replied, but it was a necessary formality in connection with this particular institution to have an endorser
Clay happened upon Daniel Webster and asked him if he would be kind enough to indorse for him.
Certainly, said Webster, but look here, I need some money myself. Why not make the note dollars and you and I will split it.
This was done, and to this day the note is in the Riggs Bank, unpaid.
Xxxx

  

Cicero and Cato

According to Cicero, when Cato (Roman Statesman 95 BCE) was asked what was the most profitable feature of an estate, he replied
Raising cattle success fully;
What next to that?
Raising cattle with fair success.
And next?
Raising cattle with but slight success
And fourth?
Raising crops.
And when his questioner said, How about money lending?
Cato replied, How about murder?

Xxxx

Chicago Bank Directors


A stranger in Chicago, a New Yorker ,stopped a little boy and asked him the way to Fifth National Bank, adding, Direct me there, son, I will give you a dollar.
Suppressing a grin the boy replied,
Ok boss, just follow me.
About half a block farther, the boy stopped and pointed to building nearest to them
Here you are, sir.
The man chagrined by his gullibility handed the boy the dollar but couldn’t help saying, That certainly was an easily earned dollar
That is right, said the boy, but don’t forget that bank directors in Chicago are highly paid.

Xxx

 

More Vice Presidents!

A man working as a teller in a bank bumped into an old friend of his one day.
Seeing that the bank teller seemed very preoccupied, the friend said,
What is the matter with you?
Well, there’s a lot of trouble down at the bank. We are going through a complete reorganisation
Why?
It seems we had more Vice presidents than depositors, replied the bank teller as he walked away.

Xxxx  SUBHAM xxx

MEN ARE SCOUNDRELS- ANECDOTES! (Post No.4958)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 28 APRIL 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 16-36 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4958

 

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BEHAVIOUR AND EATING ANECDOTES

GEORGE CHEYNE, A SCOTCH PHYSICIAN, WHEN A PERSON WAS TALKING ABOUT THE EXCELLENCE OF HUMAN NATURE, EXCLAIMED:

“HOOT, HOOT, MAN!

HUMAN NATURE IS A ROGUE AND A SCOUNDREL, OR WHY SHOULD IT PERPETUALLY STAND IN NEED OF LAWS AND OF RELIGION”

 

XXX

 

EATING

At a certain dinner party Daniel Webster found himself preyed upon by hat type of hostess who endlessly and mercilessly worries her guests with the insistence that they are not eating enough, that possibly they do not like this or that, will they not have more, is there anything else they would prefer, and so forth.

 

“You are hardly eating a thing, Mr Webster”, she protested for the umpteenth time.

“Madam”, said Webster solemnly, “permit me to assure you that I sometimes eat more than at other times but never less”.

 

xxx

 

Time to eat!

Bishop Davidson of Winchester was once one of a party of ecclesiastics who went into dinner after a religious conference. One of the others observed in a tone of pompous self-righteousness, “This is the time to put a bridle on our appetites”.

No, returned the bishop, “this is the time to put a bit in our mouths”.

 

xxx

Why did I come to Africa?

 

“Why did I come to Africa?” Cecil Rhodes once remarked to a friend, “Well they will tell you that I came on account of my health or from love of adventure – and to some extent that may be true, but the real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton”.

 

xxx

Strawberries and Prunes!

In his early boarding-house days, in Kansas city, Eugene Field was invited to dine at a hospitable house where the best of everything was to be found. Some delicious strawberries were passed. Filed gazed at them longingly but shook his head.

“Why, Mr Field”, said his host in surprise, “ don’t you like strawberries?”

I dote on them.

Then why don’t you take some?

“I am afraid”, said the poet sadly, “that if I did, they would spoil my appetite for prunes”.

xxx

Charles Lamb

Thomas Hood, tempting Charles Lamb to dine with his said, “We have a hare”.

“Ad how many friends”, anxiously inquired Lamb.

 

xxx

Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock is a man notably fond of food. He is said to have once been a guest at a rather sparsely furnished dinner table, which had yielded him no more than a small portion of one thing or another amounting to a totally unsatisfactory sum. As the coffee was being brought in, his host said, “I do hope that you will soon dine here again”.

“By all means”, said Hitchcock. “Let us start now”

–Subham–

Poor Preacher, Baptist Fish, Fool’s Signature- More Interesting Anecdotes (Post No.4866)

Poor Preacher, Baptist Fish, Fool’s Signature- More Interesting Anecdotes (Post No.4866)

 


COMPILED by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 30 MARCH 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  7-45 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4866

 

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Poor Preacher!

Jerome D.Engel, the famous Baptist preacher, was once vacationing at a well -known shore resort. One of the local churches had expected to have its pulpit filled on Sunday morning by a “supply” or visiting minister. At the last minute, the visitor was unable to appear, and the church found itself with no one to conduct the services.

 

The leaders of the church scurried around distractedly in search of a preacher, and were unable to find anyone. At last to chancing to hear of the presence in town of the eminent divine, one of the church members sought out Engel and begged for his

services.

 

Delighted and relieved, the committeeman said, “You know, Dr Engel, we’d have been willing to accept a poorer preacher, but it was impossible to find one.”

 

xxx

Fool’s Signature

Reverend Henry Ward Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it and contained the single word, “Fool”. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

“I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter”.

 

xxx

 

More Repentance!!

 

xxx Bursting with her news, Mrs Meadows hurried to her neighbour’s house.

 

Have you heard, Mrs Smith? The minister’s son has decided to become a jockey. Of course you know that he was supposed to go to the Theological Seminary this year.

 

Mrs Smith, more of the woman of the world than her friend, replied drily,

Well, I must say that he will bring a lot more people to repentance that way than he would as a minister.

 

xxx

 

Baptist Fish

Jerome D Engel, the famous Southern Baptist divine, was strolling along the sea walk during a Church Convention at Charleston. He came upon an old colored man who was fishing from the pier. For some time Engel watched the Negro patiently waiting for a bite. At last he pulled in a fish of repulsive appearance, seeming to be something between a toad and a bullhead. Knowing little about so worldly a matter as fishing, Engle asked,

What kind of fish is that, George?

“Dey call it a Baptist fish”, croaked the old man.

“A Baptist Fish? inquired Engle sceptically.

“Sho”, answered the fisherman, throwing his catch back into the sea,

“ Dey calls dem dat ‘cause dey spoils so fast after dey is taken out of water”.

 

xxx

Specifications of a Good Minister!

The Reverend Doctor Edgar Dewitt Jones propounded the specifications of a good minister (preacher):

“He should get religion like a Methodist;

experience it like a Baptist;

be sure of it like a Disciple;

stick to it like a Lutheran;

pray for it like a Presbyterian;

conciliate it like a Congregationalist;

glorify it like a Jew;

be proud of it like an Episcopalian;

practise it like a Christian Scientist;

propagate it like a Roman Catholic;

work for it like a Salvation Army lassie;

enjoy it like a colored man.”

 

–Subham–

 

 

ANECDOTES ABOUT CHRISTIAN PREACHERS (Post No.4862)

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Date: 29 MARCH 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  14-48 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4862

 

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Heaven and Hell Deal

A new clergyman in town sought the services of the best local physician, a man irregular in his church attendance. The medical treatment was prolonged, and the young pastor, worried over the accumulating expense, spoke to the doctor about the matter of his bill.

 

I will tell you what I will do, Pastor, said the doctor.

I hear you ae a pretty good preacher and you seem to think that I am a fair doctor. W will make a bargain. I will do all I can to keep you out of Heaven and you do all you can to keep me out of Hell, and it wont cost either of us a cent.

Sunday Amusement

Henry Ward Beecher asked Park Benjamin, the poet and humourist, why he never came to preach. Benjamin replied,

Why, Beecher, the fact is, I have conscientious scruples against going to places of amusement on Sunday.

 

People’s Voice went against Jesus!

John Wesley, in a considerable party, had been maintaining with great earnestness the doctrine of vox Populi vox Dei against his sister. At last the preacher, to put an end to the controversy, said, I tell you sister, the voce of the people is the voice of God.

Yes, replied his sister mildly, “it cried: Crucify him! crucify him”.

 

Zeal and Vigour!!!

A young minister who was temporarily filling a city pulpit made the following request in his prayers:

May the brother who ministers to this flock be filled full of fresh veal and new zigor”

Christian Life

Can I lead a good Christian life in New York City on $15 a week? a young man once asked Dr S Parkes Cadman.

My boy, was the reply, that’s all you can do

 

Illiterate preacher!

I am thankful that the Lord has opened my mouth to preach without any ‘larning’, an illiterate preacher.

A similar event took place in Balaam’s time, replied a gentleman present.

 

Religious Dispute

John Wilkes was once asked  a Roman Catholic gentleman in a warm dispute on religion:

Where was your religion before Luther?

Did you wash your face this morning? inquired the facetious alderman.

I did ,sir

Then pray where was your face before it was washed?

 

Idiot’s Vocation

Sydney Smith, the clergyman, had a combat of wit with a friend. His defeated antagonist intending to cast a slur on Smith’s vocation, fired back,

If I had a son who was an idiot I would make him a parson.

Your father was of a different opinion, was Sydney Smith’s answering thrust.

 

 

–Subham–

Sin and Sinners Anecdotes (Post No.4759)

Date: 18 FEBRUARY 2018

 

Time uploaded in London- 17-41

 

Written by London swaminathan

 

Post No. 4759

 

PICTURES ARE TAKEN from various sources. They may not be directly related to the article. They are only representational.

 

 

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Some religious anecdotes from an old book:-

1.Prohibitions and restrictions

A little lesson in morality was imparted to the youngster who asked his father

What is a necessary evil?

One that we like so much we don’t want to abolish it, replied his parent.

 

Xxx

2.Sin and Sinners

An old Negro preacher, wearied of the many complaints he heard about the temptations placed in the paths of the members of his congregation by Satan:

“Folks is all de time making out dat Satan is running after them fo’ to tempt them. De truth is , dere is so many people pulling at the Debil’s coattails, he ain’t got de time to chase nobody”.

 

Xxx

God can see all the Doors!

In the days of the great Edwin Booth, most ministers considered it a sin to attend theatrical performances. However, one clergyman, anxious to see the great actor  perform, sent Mr Booth a letter asking if he might be permitted to enter the theatre by a private door as he did not wish anyone to see him going into such a place.

Booths’s reply

“Sir, there is no door in my theatre through which god cannot see”.

 

Xxxx

Prayers

Bion was sailing in a vessel, when great storm came on. The mariners, who were wicked and dissolute fellows, called upon the gods; but Bion said,

“Peace; let them not know you are here”.

 

Xxx

 

Tell God that I did it!

After the capture of Ticonderoga, Ethan Allan, the American patriot, hurried home to his family in Bennington, Vermont, and while there attended a Thanks giving service at the old First Church.  Town history says during the long prayer in which the Rev Mr Dewey was giving all the credit for the victory to the Lord, Allen interrupted:

“Parson Dewey, Parson Dewey!”

At the third call, the minister paused and opened his eyes.

“Please, said Allen, mention to the Lord about my being there”.

 

Xxxx Subham xxxx

 

Christian Conversion Anecdotes (Post No.4693)

Date: 2 FEBRUARY 2018

 

Time uploaded in London- 11-59 am

 

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Post No. 4693

 

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WITH YOU.

 

I gave everything to my sister!

 

A woman was testifying of her conversion in a revival meeting She said,

I was very foolish and vain. Worldly pleasures, especially the fashions were my only thought,

I was fond of silk, satins, ribbons and laces. But my friends, when I saw they were dragging me down to perdition I gave them all to my sister.

 

Xxxx

 

Navy of the Lord!

A young man who had formerly attended Dr Bethune’s meetings , after an absence of a few years called upon him and said,

Dr Bethune, I have become a Christian since I saw you, and have joined the army of the   Lord.

I am very glad to hear it,

said the doctor, and added, with what denomination have you become connected?

The Baptists.

“Oh, the Baptists”, said Dr Bethune,

Why they are not the army, but the Navy of the Lord.

((Baptists are Christians distinguished by baptizing professing believers only (believer’s baptism, as opposed to infant baptism), and doing so by complete immersion (as opposed to affusion or sprinkling))

Xxxx

 

Brandy is better than Water!

A Methodist in America, bragging how well he had instructed some Indians in religion, asked one of them,

If he had not found great comfort last Sunday after receiving the sacrament.

 

“Aye, master, replied the savage, but I wished it had been brandy”.

(wine or water or bread is given during sacrament)

Xxxx

Water is Good, but…

George Cruikshank having become a teetotaller, showed all the vehement zeal of a convert. Douglas Jarrold, meeting him, shortly after his conversion, exclaimed,

Now George, remember that the water is very good anywhere except upon the brain

 

Xxxx

During the Civil war, the late Colonel Gabe Boucher organised a regiment which he controlled as a dictator.

I am a humble servant of the Lord, said an itinerant evangelist who had wandered into camp one day, endeavouring to save the souls of the unfortunate.  I have just left the camp of the Massachusetts, where I was instrumental in leading eight men into paths of righteousness

Adjutant, thundered Colonel Bouch, after a moment’s pause, detail ten men for baptism. Nod — D Massachusetts regiment shall beat mine for piety.”

Xxxx SUBHAM xxx

 

MUSIC WONDERS: MOZART AND NIETZSHE (Post No. 4502)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 16 DECEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  7-58 am

 

 

Post No. 4502

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WHO WAS MOZART?

Johann Chrysostom Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart  (1756-1791) was Austrian composer and performer, who showed astonishing precocity as a child and was an adult virtuoso.

 

WHO WAS NIETZSHE?

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) was a German Philosopher who rejected the accepted absolute moral values and the slave morality of Christianity. He argued that God is dead and therefore people were free to create their own values.

    

Mozart’s retort

A lad once asked Mozart how to write a symphony. Mozart said, “you are a very young man. Why not begin with ballads?”

The aspirant urged, “You composed symphonies when you were ten years old.”

“Yes”, replied Mozart, “but I didn’t ask ‘How?’

 

xxx

Nietzsche

When Nietzsche one day observed to Wagner that in ‘Figaro’ Mozart had invented the music of intrigue.

Wagner replied, “On the contrary! In ‘Figaro’ Mozart dissolved the intrigue in music”.

(intrigue: mysterious or fascinating quality)

xxxx

Fabulous Memory

The composer, Gounod, had a fabulous memory. When he was about 19 he had attended a rehearsal of ‘Romeo et Juliette’ which was still in manuscript and was being directed by the composer, Berlioz. The next day he called upon Berlioz, sat at the piano and proceeded to play the entire finale of the opera from memory.

The composer stared at him in terror and astonishment. Had his work been pirated? Was it some incredible coincidence?

“Where the devil did you get the music?”, he demanded.

“At your rehearsal yesterday,” replied Gunod.

 

xxx

Elegy to George Gershwin

When an American composer, George Gershwin, died, a man of sentiment combined with musical aspirations wrote an elegy in his honour. He sought out Oscar Levant. Reluctantly Levant granted him a hearing. Eagerly the man rendered the piece with his own hands and then turned expectantly toward Levant seeking approbation.

 

I think it would have been better, Levant said, if you had died and Gershwin had written the elegy.

 

Xxx

I was the abominable Creature!

At premiere performance of Caesar Frank’s symphony, the gentle, benign old composer, who had seldom ventured out of his organ loft, was seated in the audience. The stupid and blasé assemblage were hostile to this fine work which did not until later read find its proper appreciation.

One pompous and arrogant woman, who chanced to be seated directly behind the composer, remarked loudly in the interim between two of the movements,

“Who is the creature who writes this abominable music?”

The gentle Frank turned around in his seat and said courteously,

“Madam, it is I”.

 

Xxx SUBHAM xxx

 

 

 

Opera and Concerts Anecdotes (Post No.4485)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 12 DECEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  19-24

 

 

Post No. 4485

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Mouths wide open; eyes staring!

Walking with a friend one day, Fritz Kreisler passed a large fish shop where a fine catch of codfish, with mouths open and eyes staring, were arranged in a row. Kreisler suddenly stopped, looked at them, and clutching his friend by the arm exclaimed,

“Heavens! That reminds me — I should be playing at a concert!”

 

Xxx

Hired Audience!

So dependent on the adulation of the audiences was Franz Litsz that he is said to have paid women 25 Franks to faint at the concerts. The swoon was always timed to occur just before the climax of his most popular run. Litsz would stoop from his piano stool , pick up the swooner and leave the rest of the audience impressed by his brilliance and dismayed by their own stolidity. Once, however, the hired fainter forgot to faint. Liszt s fingers flew up the keys — but he could not finish the run. So, he fainted himself!

 

XxX

No Taste for Music

 

Joseph Choate, the lawyer, had no taste for music. Once he was persuaded by his daughter to accompany her to the opera. He looked at the libretto helplessly and said,

Helen, expound to me this record lest I dilate with the wrong emotion.

 

Xxx

True Listeners!

 

After his concert at a Midwestern town, Paderewski was found backstage in a silent, preoccupied mood. One of his aides asked if he were ill.

No, no, the great musician replied, but some friends were missing. The grey hired couple. They were not in their usual seats in the fourth row.

The aide was surprised. I didn’t know you had friends in this town. Did you know them well?

I knew them very well, explained Penderecki, but I never met them. I liked the way they listened. Every time I have played here for 20 years I have always played for them. He shook his head gravely. I hope there is nothing seriously wrong.

 

Xxx

Lower Classes like Music more

According to C R W Nevinson , it was a privilege to paint Mark Hambourg , a dear friend. Never have I met a man with such a gift for penetrating to the heart of things and by the use of a few vivid phrases he will lift any conversation out of the ordinary. I remember sitting beside him in an after dinner concert, when Moiseivitch was playing. The audience, all men and women of culture were anything but attentive, smoking, drinking, coughing, picking wriggling, but the waiters and waitresses stood entranced, their eyes on the master.

Look, said Mark, look at effects of education. It kills all concentration. The lower classes are the only people left who can listen and can respond to the highest emotions.

 

Xxx SUBHAM Xxx

 

Audience who don’t know Music! (Post No.4446)

COMPILED by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 30 NOVEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  9-24 am

 

 

Post No. 4446

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Instrumentalists  Anecdotes -3 (In the past two days I have posted  many instrumentalists’ anecdotes)

 

PIANISTS DON’T FEEL HOT!

There is a legend which would have it that, when Jascha Heifetz made his triumphant New York debut among the audience were other violinist Mischa Elman and the distinguished pianist Josef Hofmann. The hall was crowded and it was an evening in spring. The concert progressed and the audience was spellbound by the genius of Heifetz. As the music went on, Elman became increasingly nervous and fidgety, running his finger frequently around the inside of his collar and mopping at his forehead with a hand kerchief. In the pause between two selections, he leaned over and whispered to Hofmann

“Awfully hot in here, isn’t it?”

Hofmann smiled and whispered back, “Not for pianists”.

 

Xxx

Audience who don’t know music!

Mischa Elman, the violinist, takes delight in telling the following story,

While visiting the friend of a family I was asked to play something to the assembled group of people. For an urchin of seven, as I was at that time, I flatter myself I rattled off Kreutzer Sonata of Beethoven’s finely. The sonata has in it several long and impressive rests. In one of these rests a motherly old lady leaned forward, patted my shoulder and said,

“Please try something you know, dear “

 

Xxx

I Don’t Care!

Jascha Heifetz arrived in great haste at Radio city, perilously near being late for a radio concert with the NBC Symphony Orchestra. He hastened into the elevator carrying his violin in its case.

“You will have to go in the freight elevator with that”, said the operator.

“I have no time, said Heifetz, I am in a hurry”.

“I don’t care”,said the operator.

“All musicians with instrument s have got to ride in freight elevator”.

“Look ,said the exasperated musician, I am Jascha Heifetz”.

“I don’t care if you are Rubinoff, said the operator, you have got to ride in the freight elevator”.

 

Xxx

MUSICAL CATARACTS IN NORWAY

Ole Bull, celebrated 18th century Norwegian violinist, was a man of singular and beautiful simplicity of character. He spoke English with much expression and had quaint turn s of dialect as original as they were unstudied. He was describing the grandeur of the hills and fiords of his native land and its deep forests resounding with musical cataracts when someone exclaimed,

“Did you play to them, Ole?”

“No, he replied, I listened “.

Xxxx SUBHAM xxx

Most Famous Violin ‘Thief!’(Post No.4443)

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Date: 29 NOVEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  6-38 am

 

 

Post No. 4443

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Violin Practice-14 hours a day for 37 years!

Dr Axel Munthe, seated in the lounge of the Victoria Louise, was enthusiastically hailed by a brother physician.

What a genius you are! Thus the brother physician ended a long eulogy .

But Dr Munthe smiled and said, “A genius,eh? Well at his villa in Biarritz, Sarasate was once called a genius by a famous critic . But Sarasate (Spansih Violinist) frowned and shook his head.

“A genius!”,he said.

“For thirty seven years I have practiced fourteen hours a day, and now they call me a genius!”

Xxx

Audience knew it!!!

Paderewski once explained that he practiced faithfully every day. If I miss one day s practice,said he, I notice it. If I miss three days, the audience s notice it.

 

Xxx

 

‘Violin Thief!’

Fritz Kreisler, the violinist,found himself in Hamburg one evening with an hour to spare before taking his boat to London.

, where he was to play the following evening. So he wandered into a music shop.

The proprietor asked to see his violin which he carried under his arm. In a moment he disappeared, to reappear with two policemen. One laid his hand on Kreisler s shoulder and said,

“You are under arrest”.

“For what?” Asked Kreisler.

“You have Fritz Kreisler’s violin.”

“Well, I am Fritz Kreisler”.

“Come,come” said the policeman,

“You can’t pull that one on us . Come to the station”.

 

Kreisler s boat sailed in an hour.

He had to do some quick thinking.

“I looked around, he says, and in the corner, I saw a victrola. I asked the proprietor if he any of Kreisler s records, he produced The Old Refrain, put it on for me and played it through.”

“Now, I said, let me have my violin. Then with whatever skill I may command I played The Old Refrain. When I was through I said, Are you satisfied now?”

With profuse apologies, they bowed him out to freedom.

 

Xxx

World’s Greatest Violinist!

It is said that Jescha Heifetz and Mischa Elman were dining together in a restaurant much frequented by artists. The waiter approached the table with an envelope which bore simply the inscription

To the worlds greatest violinist

Heifetz, who has picked it from the tray bowed and handed it across the table and said

“For you,Mischa”

Elman read it and said “No,no” and handed it back

“Something for you,Jascha”.

Thus they shilly shallied back and forth until finally Heifetz was persuaded to open it. He drew out the letter and unfolded it.

It began,” Dear Fritz”.

(Fritz Kreisler was a famous Austrian born violist)

Xxxx SUBHAM xxxx