Society anecdotes (Post No.3940)

 

Lord Balfour (former Prime Minister of United Kingdom)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 25 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 6-18 am

 

Post No. 3940

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Disappointing Lord!

 

Lord Balfour was visiting friends in Scotland. One evening, while attending a dinner given in his honour, he noticed that the little daughter of his host was eyeing him covertly. He smiled to her and she, plucking up courage asked him,

“Are you really and truly an English Lord?”

“Yes, he answered gravely, really, truly”.

“I have often thought I should like to see an English Lord”

She went on and….and

“And now you aware satisfied”, he asked her.

“N……. no she answered slowly, I am not satisfied.I am a good deal disappointed”.

 

Xxxx

 

Young Bible, but not Lettered!

At a fashionable salon in London appeared , a young gentleman, the son of His Majesty’s printer who had the patent to print the Bibles. He was dressed in green and gold. Being a new face and extremely elegant, he attracted the attention of the whole company. A general murmur prevailed in the room, to learn who he was.

 

Colley Ciber, the outrageous wit, who was present, instantly made reply, loud enough to be heard by everybody:

“Oh don’t you know him?

It is young Bible, bound in calf and gilt, but not lettered”.

xxx

More Introduction Anecdotes

W Wilson (former President of America)

Woodrow Wilson’s Rejoinder!

When Woodrow Wilson was president of Princeton he was called upon to be the chief speaker at an educators banquet in New York . Dr Nicholas Murray Butler of Columbia was toast master. When the time came to introduce the principal speaker, Dr butler presented him as “A sleepy man from a sleepy little college in a sleepy little town”.

Wilson rose and opened his remarks by saying,

“The charge of sleepiness could never be brought against Dr Butler for is it not said in the scriptures,

Lo, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.”

 

Xxx

 

Unbroken Blemish!

At a banquet in Dublin a toast master was delivering a eulogy of Sir Henry Irving

“Sir Henry”, he said, “is not only the artist of the first rank, the first of his profession to be honoured with a knighthood, but is also a man of utmost integrity and highest honour. It would not be too much to say that his has been a life of unbroken blemish”.

 

–SUBHAM–

 

 

Introduction Anecdotes (Post No.3937)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 24 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 19-15

 

Post No. 3937

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

 

Hot Potato and Fools

During one of his campaigns, William Jennings Bryan spoke in a city in one of the North-Western states (USA). The chairman in presenting the speaker, made an embarrassing fulsome and eulogistic introduction of Bryan, in such bad taste that many wondered how Bryan would succeed in overcoming the unfortunate effect of it. Bryan however wasn’t easily dismayed.

“The very kind observations of the chairman”, he said, “bring to my mind the case of the man at a formal banquet table, who impulsively put into his mouth a large fork full of steaming, hot baked potato, which he instantly spat out upon his plate. Looking about at his disconcerted fellow guests and at his hostess, he remarked blandly, “Some damn fools would have swallowed that”.

 

Xxx

Shortest German Introduction

Long introductions, when a man has a speech to make are a bore, said former senator John C Spooner, one of the great senate leaders.

“I have had all kinds, but the most satisfactory one in my career was that of a German Mayor of a small town in my state, Wisconsin”.

I” was to make a political address and the opera house was crowded. When it came time to begin the mayor got up.

“Mine friends, said he, I hafe asked been to introduce Senator Spooner who is to make a speech, ja. Vell, I hafe did so und he will now do so”.

 

Xxx

Introduction of a Big Man

 

“I had expected to find Mr Lloyd George a big man in every sense”, playfully remarked the chairman, when introducing the statesman to a meeting.

“But you see for yourselves he is quite small in stature”.

Lloyd George was no whit abashed.

“In North Wales”, he remarked, “we measure a man from his chin up. You evidently measure from his chin down.”

xxxx

Most Notorious Woman

The lady from Arkansas, senator Hatie Caraway , was about to address a gathering of her constituents . The chairman introduced her with a prolonged and lavish eulogy, culminating thunderously with the words,

“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you the most notorious woman in Arkansas.”

 

Xxxx

Duelling Anecdotes (Post No.3902)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 12 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 17-45

 

Post No. 3902

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

On one occasion Lord Alvanley fought a duel with Morgan O Connell on Wimbledon common. It appears that several shots were fired without effect, and the seconds then interfered and put a stop to any further hostilities. When his hackney coach drove up to his door Alvanley gave the coach man a sovereign. Jarvey was profuse in his thanks and said

“It is a great deal for only having taken your lordship to Wimbledon”.

“No, my good man”, said Alvanley ,

“I give it to you, not for taking me, but for BRINGING ME BACK”.

 

Xxxx

BISMARCK

When Professor Rudolf Virchano, famous German scientist, criticised Bismarck severely in his capacity as chancellor, Bismarck challenged him to a duel.

“Well, Well”, said the scientist to the Iron Chancellor’s seconds ,

As I am the challenged party , I suppose I have the choice of weapons. Here they are”. And he held up two large sausages which looked exactly alike.

“One of these, he continued, is infected with the deadly germs of trichinosis, the other is perfectly sound. Let his Excellency do me the honour to choose whichever he wishes, and eat it, I will eat the other

Within an hour the Iron Chancellor had decided to laugh the duel off.

 

Xxxx

MIRABEAU

Mirabeau, the French statesman received many challenges to duels. He always answered this way

Sir your favour is received, and your name is on my list, but I warn you that the list is long and that I give no preferences”.

—SUBHAM–

More Brains in Your Belly than in your Head! (Post No.3893)

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 9 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 21-41

 

Post No. 3893

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

Shortness Anecdotes

Alexander H Stevens, Senator from Georgia (USA), and subsequently< Vice President of the Confederate States, was short of stature and weighed less than 80 pounds. A big Congressman from the West, in a heated debate, once said, “Why, I could swallow you and never know II had eaten a thing.”

“In that case, you would have more brains in your belly than you ever had in your head”, snapped Stevens.

 

xxx

Size of the Body and Brain

 

Dr Busby of Westminster, who was very short, was one day accosted in a public coffee-room by an Irish baronet of colossal stature with: “ May I pass to my seat, O Giant?”

When the doctor politely making way, replied, “Pass, O Pigmy! the baronet apologised.

“Oh, sir, my expression alluded to size of your intellect”.

“And my expression, Sir”, retorted the doctor coldly, “ to the size of yours”

xxx

Dismissed for a Joke!

Archbishop Laud was a man of very short stature. Charles the First and the Archbishop sat down to dinner one day when it was agreed that Archie, the King’s jester, should say the Grace for them,

“Great praise to be given to God, but little Laud to the Devil!”

For this sally, Archbishop Laud was weak enough to insist upon Archie’s dismissal!

xxx

 

Lincoln’s Long Legs!

 

A group of men were discussing Stephen Douglas and his physical peculiarities, Abraham Lincoln happened to join the men at this point and turning, from the specific subject under discussion, one of them asked the President how long he thought a man’s legs should be.

 

Well, drawled Lincoln, “I should think a man’s legs ought to be long enough to reach from his body to the ground.”

 

xxx

Tallness Anecdote

When Lincoln heard that a General who was supporting Mc Clellan’s Presidential candidacy had been relieved of his command the President countermanded the order saying,

“Supporti ng General Mc Clellan for the Presidency is no violation of army regulations, and as a aqustion of taste in between him and me – well I am the longest, but he is better than looking.”

 

xxx Subham xxxx

 

 

 

Curiosity and Cynicism Anecdotes (Post No.3856)

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 27 APRIL 2017

Time uploaded in London:- 9-11 am

Post No. 3856

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

What made the deepest impression upon you? inquired a friend one day, of Abraham Lincoln, when you stood in the presence of the falls of  Niagara, the greatest of natural wonders?

“The thing that struck me most forcibly when I saw the Falls”, Lincoln responded with characteristic deliberation, “was where in the world did all that water come from?”

 

Xxx

 

Cynisim anecdotes 

Dr Johnson was told that a certain cynic of his acquaintance maintained that there was no distinction between virtue and vice.

“If he does really think there is no distinction between virtue and vice, answered Dr Johnson,

“Why, sir, when he leaves our houses let us count our spoons”.

Xxx

 

Civilization

 

Someone once asked the former Prince of Wales

“What is your idea of civilisation?”

“It is a good idea”, replied the prince

“Somebody ought to start it”.

 

Xxx

When it was remarked that Fouche, an associate of Talleyrand under Napoleon, had a profound contempt for human nature,Talleyrand replied, “To be sure; he has made a careful study of himself .”

 

Xxx

 

Gibbet

In one of his travels Mungo Park, the African explorer, traversed a wide extent of uncultivated regions, but at last he chanced upon a gibbet,

“The sight of which, said he, gave me infinite pleasure, as it proved that I was in a civilised society”.

 

Xxx

No Steps Backwards

 

When the motto of Hanover club of Gottingen, to which as a student he had belonged, was quoted to him as applicable to his own life, Bismarck reflected, “Yes, no steps backwards, but a good many zig-zags”  .

 

Xxxxx

 

Cheerfulness Anecdotes (Post No.3854)

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 26 APRIL 2017

Time uploaded in London:- 20-05

Post No. 3854

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

Cheerfulness and Philosopher

 

When they reached Bolt Court, Edwards said to Dr Samuel Johnson,

“You are a philosopher, Dr Johnson. I have tried too, in my time, to be a philosopher; but I don’t know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in.

Xxx

Dealing with Inevitable!

“Uncle Joe, said Albert Edward Wiggam , the author, meeting an old Negro who was always cheerful in spite of having had more than his share of life’s troubles,

“How have you managed to remain so cheerful and calm?”

“Well, I will tell you, replied uncle joe. I have just learned to cooperate with the inevitable.”

 

Xxx

 

Dying Easier

When Thomas Hart Benton’s house in Washington was burned Benton left Congress and came to the ruin of his house. As he looked at it,he said, “It makes dying easier. There is so much less to leave.”

Xxxx

Conscience Anecdotes 

There is a tradition to the effect that Noel Coward once sent identical notes to the twenty most prominent men in London, saying,

“All is discovered. Escape while you can.

All twenty abruptly left the town”.

Xxxx

 

Many Consciences

To a friend who defended the behaviour of his upper chamber saying

“At least you find consciences there. Talleyrand replied.

Ah, yes, many, many consciences.  Semonville, for example, has at least two”.

 

Xxxx

 

Carelessness Anecdote

Hey wood Brown was noted for the general carelessness and disarray of his dress and personal appearance. One story has it, that on the occasion when Broun and a number of other war correspondents were presented to General Pershing, the general eyed the journalist with some concern and said, “Have you fallen down, Mr Broun?”

Xxxx

 

 

More Honesty Anecdotes (Post No.3817)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 14 APRIL 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:-6-56 am

 

Post No. 3817

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com 

 

 

“Little Matter”

One day George W Norris sat taking stock of the situation and puffing cigar. A visitor came in looking rather smug. He had called because Norris was on the committee on public buildings and grounds. Washington was still in the mushroom stage with land developments in progress. The man wanted to see him about a “little matter “. Norris jumped up and grabbed him, vigorously pushing him out of the room.

 

Xxxx

 

President Wilson

President Wilson was scrupulous to the degree of fanaticism on the point of avoiding any personal or family favouritism in appointments or awarding of war contracts.

A caller at the White House quite casually mentioned that a firm headed by a distant relative of the President had received a building contract . Although it might have been readily accepted as a legitimate and a purely coincidental transaction, the president said in a great agitation , ” it must be stopped at once”.

The nation could well have used, in his successors administration, so high a degree of integrity, yet the action, created a family breach that was never healed.

 

Xxxx

 

Frederick William

While visiting his prison at Potsdam , Frederic William I listened to a number of pleas for pardon from prisoners who had grievances against the law’s injustice.  All said they had imprisonment on account of prejudiced judges, perjured witnesses, unscrupulous lawyers. From cell to cell the wronged innocence continued, until the king stopped at the door of one cell inhabited by a surly inmate who said nothing. Surprised at his slime Frederic said jocosely,

“Well, I suppose you are innocent too”

No, Your Majesty, was the startling response, “I am guilty and richly deserve all that I get”.

Here, turn key, thundered Frederic ;”Come and get rid of this rascal before he corrupts this fine lot of innocent people that you are responsible for”.

xxx

 

Abraham Lincoln

All clients knew that, with old Abe as lawyer, they would win their case- if it was fair; if not that it was a waste of time to take it to him. After listening some time one day to a would-be client s statement with his eyes on the ceiling, he swung around in his chair and exclaimed ,

“Well, you have a pretty good case in technical law, but a pretty bad one in equity and justice. You will have to get some other fellow to win this case for you. I couldn’t do it. All the time while standing taking to that jury I would be thinking, “Lincoln,you are a liar”, and I believe I should forget myself and say it out loud.

 

Xxxxx

Helpfulness Anecdote

There is a story that tells of a rabbit being chased by a dog and the people following and telling the rabbit to run hard and escape.

“Thank you for your kind encouragement”, said the rabbit, “but for goodness sake shoot the dog”.

Xxxx

 

Stinginess Anecdotes (Post No.3769)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 29 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 18-21

 

Post No. 3769

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Dog’s Father is Rich!

A poor German, relative of John Jacob Astor, once applied to him for charity. Mr Astor gave him a five dollar.

“Why?, said the disconcerted relative, “your son just gave me ten dollars!”

“Well, he may!”| , said the stingy old magnate; “the dog has a rich father”

 

Xxx

Perfect Likeness!

Fenelon had for some time been besieging Richelieu for a contribution to a charity fund, but all his diplomacy had failed to make the wily French minister ” come across”

Meeting Richelieu in the Louvre one day, Fenelon remarked,

“I have just seen a portrait of you in the other room”.

“And did you ask it for a subscription?” replied Richelieu with a polite smirk.

No, I knew it was no use, said Fenelon, passing on. “It was a perfect likeness”.

 

Xxx

 

Counting Fingers!

Russel Sage, the financier, had a wide reputation as a man difficult to separate from his money. A couple of promoters approached him one day and tried to sell him on a scheme they had. Sage talked with them for a while but said he could give them no definite answer yet. Telling them that he would communicate with them in a few days he showed them out of the office.

One of the promoters seemed quite optimistic and voiced the opinion to his partner that he thought Sage was pretty well sold on their proposition.

“I don’t know, replied the other sceptically. He seemed too suspicious to me. Didn’t you notice tha , after shaking hands with me, he started to count his fingers”.

 

Xxx

How to become Rich!

The young journalist was sent to get a personal interview with the wealthy old Scotch merchant His paper desired a human-interest story on how he had accumulated his riches.

“Well, it’s a long story”, said the old man.

“And while I am telling it we may as well save the candle”.

Wherewith he blew it out.

“Never mind about the story, said the reporter. I understand”.

 

Xxx

When J P Morgan drinks…………………

A legend of doubtful authenticity has it that J P Morgan was once present with a group of men at a bar in the financial district. Beckoning to the waiter, he ordered a beer; at the same time, saying, “When Morgan drinks, everybody drinks”.

Everybody had a beer and when Morgan had finished, he slapped a dime upon the table, saying,

“When Morgan pays, everybody pays.”

 

Xxxxx SUBHAM xxxx

 

Rationing Anecdotes (Post No.3741)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 20 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-59

 

Post No. 3741

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

Tackling Tyre ration!

 

A motorist driving through the back country of Vermont stopped at a little gas station and asked for a tankful. He remarked casually to the proprietor

I guess you fellows are all pretty sore at Leon Henderson.

Leon Henderson,? said the old timer

Who is he?

The motorist, looking at him for a moment and then thinking quickly said

Do you sell tyres?

“Sure”, the proprietor said.

“You want some?”

The motorist said, I will take four, paid his money and drove hastily away thanking Providence.

 

Xxxx

Prophet Flying with Tyre!

 

A small boy, keenly aware of the transportation problems created by rationing, was looking at a book of Bible illustrations. One of these depicted the Prophet Elijah, Ascending to Heaven in a chariot of fire. He noted the halo above the prophet’s head and cried ,

 

“Oh ,Mother, Look he is carrying an extra tyre.

 

Xxx

 

Sugar Ration

 

“Does anyone here” , asked the teacher of the Night School for Adult Education, administering a vocabulary test, “know the meaning of ratiocination?”

 

“I know, said the young stenographer in the class.

It is what they are doing to sugar”.

 

((Definition of ratiocination. 1 : the process of exact thinking : reasoning. 2 : a reasoned train of thought)).

 

Xxxx

 

 

 

Censorship anecdotes (Post No.3738)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 19 March 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-02

 

Post No. 3738

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

contact; swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

We never open letters!

 

According to John Gunther, an American journalist in Japan wrote to a friend and added the note, “Don’t know if this will ever arrive because the Japanese censor may open it.”

A few days afterward, he received a note from the Japanese post office saying,

“The statement in your letter is not correct. We do not open letters”.

 

Xxxx

 

Censored Love Letter

 

A young lady received a letter from her soldier sweetheart from

‘Somewhere in the Pacific area’.

Upon opening the envelope, she found, instead of a letter, a thin strip of paper bearing the brief message:

“Your boyfriend still loves you, but he talks too much.”

Signed, Censor

 

Xxxx

Banned Books

 

The book of Helviteus De l’ Espirit and Voltaire’s poem of La Pucelle d’Orleans were prohibited in Switzerland at the same time. A magistrate of Berne, after a strict search for these two works, wrote the Senate:

“We have not found in the whole province either wit or maid”.

 

Xxx

Cervantes’ Whisper

 

The French ambassador to Spain complemented Cervantes on the great reputation he had acquired by his Don Quixote .

Cervantes whispered in his ear, “Had it not been for the Inquisition, I should have made my book much more entertaining”.

 

Xxx

 

Sales Tricks!

 

A grim lesson for the exponents of bigoted censorship is contained in the characteristic American press agent story of how the famous picture ‘September Morn’ was popularised.

 

An art dealer, stuck with a formidable surplus of this lithograph of a nude girl, consulted a well-known press agent Harry Reichenbach .

 

Reichenbach had many of the pictures placed in the shop window. He then hired a crowd of small children and grouped them around the front of the store. Next, he phoned to Anthony Comestock and hysterically demanded that he come and witness the sordid exhibition of vice and corruption. Comestock came and immediately opened one of his inimitable litigations. In consequence of the publicity resulting from this, 7,000,000 copies of this picture were sold.

 

–Subham–