More Lawyers Anecdotes (Post No.9452)


Post No. 9452

Date uploaded in London – –3 APRIL  2021     

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A lawyer, when pleading the cause of an infant, took the child in his arms and presented it to the jury suffused with tears. This had a great effect, but the opposing counsel asked the child what made him cry.

“He pinched me” ,said the little innocent.


Joseph Choate was one of the most accomplished lawyers who ever practised in this country. At onetime in the New York courts , his opponent was a Westchester County attorney, representing a client from White plains. Having a weak case, the latter fell back in his plea to the jury upon the effort to belittle the opposing attorney, and cautioned the jury not to be hoodwinked by Choates ‘Chesterfieldian Urbanity’.

Choate, in due time, acknowledge d this by briefly admonishing jury not to be too greatly influenced by “my opponent s Westchesterfieldian suburbanity “.


When Samuel Leibovitz graduated from Cornell Law school , he consulted the Dean as to whether or not he should become a criminal lawyer.

Not that, Sam. Anything but that, said the Dean.


When Lincoln was practising law, with his partner, Mr Herndon, in Springfield, Illinois, he was approached by a would be client who wished to press a claim which involved several hundred dollars.

Before taking the case, Lincoln investigated and found that if his client won it would ruin a widow and her six children.

He wrote the following letter refusing to take up the case,

We shall not take your case, though doubtless we can gain it for you. Some things that are right legally are not right morally. But we will give you some advice for which we will charge nothing. We advise a sprightly, energetic man like you to try your hand at making six hundred dollars in some other way.


Justice Benjamin Cardozo didn’t like Washington and frequently lamented, during the sessions of the Supreme Court, that he could not return to New York.

At a dinner party where he had been expressing this sentiment, the discussion later turned to fur coats .

I won a fur coat case in New york once, said Cardozo.

My client was so overjoyed when we won that she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me.

Seth Richardson, Assistant Attorney General, retorted,

Well, Mr Justice, in view of the type of practice you had, I don’t wonder you want to return to New York.

Xxx Subham xxx


Interesting Battle and Strategy Anecdotes (Post No.9390)


Post No. 9390

Date uploaded in London – –16 MARCH  2021     

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After a long period of inactivity among the Northern armies, a telegram came to President Abraham Lincoln informing him that General Burnside was believed to be in great peril at Cumberland Gap and that much firing had been heard in the vicinity of Knoxville. Great was the surprise of those about him when Lincoln calmly remarked that he was glad of it.

Seeing the astonishment in their faces, Lincoln said,

Well, you see, it reminds me of Mistress Sallie Ward, a neighbour of mine, who had a very large family. Occasionally one of her numerous progenies would be heard crying in some out of the way place upon which Mrs Ward would exclaim,

There is one of my children not dead yet.



A general rides forward,

I have the honor, your Imperial Highness, to announce a great victory

Very well, go and congratulate your troops.

There are none left.


Thank God, I have not paid for it!

A Turkish pasha is surveying the field with his glass. An aide-de-camp rides up.

All our artillery has been captured.

The pasha strokes his beard philosophically and says,

Fortunately it was not paid for.


Strategy Anecdotes : Sinner Bill had Three Baptisms!!

Toward the end of Civil War, in 1865, fears were left by the North that Johnson might break through to join General Lee and thereby crush the Northern Armies under Grant. A congressman representing the anxious House, was sent to discuss the matter with the President , whereupon the following conversation ensued:

They are becoming anxious, some of them in the House, about the situation, said the Congressman .

Have you received anything lately?

Aren’t you afraid Grant is making a mistake in not moving?

Seeming to move entirely away from the subject at hand the President asked

Do you remember that Baptist revival in Springfield, in such a year?

Puzzled, the Congressman said,

I do not recall it.

The President continued,

Well, Bill, a hardened sinner, was converted. Upon the appointed day the minister baptised the converts in a small stream. After Bill had been plunged under once, he asked the preacher to baptize him again; the latter replied it was unnecessary.

Bill, however, urged the matter, and he was accordingly put under for the second time. As he came up, he again asked for a particular favour, that he might be baptised just once more. The minister, a little angered, answered that he had already been under once more than the other converts.

Still Bill pleaded, and the preacher put him under for the third time. As Bill came up puffing and blowing, he took the water from his hair and exclaimed,

There I will be blowed if the devil can get hold of me now.

The President went on in explanation of his story

General Grant is very much like Bill. He is determined on making sure of the thing, and will not move until he has.


tags- battle, strategy, anecdotes 

More Banks Anecdotes (Post No.7851)


Post No.7851

Date uploaded in London – 19 April 2020   

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Cleaning out the bank!

Upon being questioned as to the occupation of his father, the young man replied,

He cleans out the bank.

Janitor or President? was the final question.


Identification, Please!

Pausing for a moment before completing the final transaction before him, the teller in the bank peered at the young lady and asked ,

I am sure that this check is alright, but could you show me some positive identification?

The young lady seemed about to turn away: then in a faltering tone, she said,

I have a mole on my thigh just above the knee.


Your loving wife Ethel!

A young bride walked into a bank to cash a cheque. She was somewhat taken aback when the clerk informed her that the cheque would have to be indorse d before by her before it could be cashed.

Why, it is a good cheque. My husband sent it to me. He is away on business.

Yes, Madam, it is perfectly alright. But please sign it on the back so that your husband will know that you got the money.

The bride walked to the writing desk, seemed to be lost in deep contemplation for a moment, and then returned to the tellers window and handed the cheque to him.

Great was his surprise when he saw scrawled across the back of the cheque,

Your loving wife Ethel.


No Funds, Madam!

Returning home one evening a father was accosted by his daughter in the hallway of their home.

Indignantly the daughter said,

Father, why in the world, did you tell me to put my money in such a bank? Why it is absolutely on the rocks?

What, said her father, why that is one of the strongest banks in the country. What do you mean by such a statement?

Waving a cheque in the air, his daughter replied,

Look at this. It is my cheque for $25 and it was returned today by the bank and marked,

No Funds.

tags– banking, jokes

Xxx Subham Xxx

Real Estate and Fire insurance Anecdotes (Post No.7823)


Post No.7823

Date uploaded in London – 13 April 2020   

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When an insurance adjuster returned from investigating a blaze his boss asked what had caused the fire,

Friction, the investigator replied tersely.

Something rubbing together, eh?

Yeah, the adjuster added, the fire was caused by rubbing a $ 3000 insurance policy against a $ 2000 house.


A hearing was being held to determine whether or not it was, as some seemed to think, an incendiary fire . The adjuster was questioning some of the villagers attempting to find out if the fire had been started for the purpose of collecting insurance.

One of those under questioning was an old man, deaf as a post. Unable to hear the questions being fired at him, he turned to his wife, a puzzled look on his face.

At the top of her voice she shouted,

What the man wants to know is was the Jobson’s fire kotched er was it sot?


Pacific Ocean

Real Estate Anecdotes

Groucho Marx, after much evasion, finally succumbed to the blandishments of a realtor who wanted to show him a palatial ocean front estate which was for sale. The salesman drove the comedian up the mile long beautifully landscaped approach escorted him through the house, stables, the gardens, the kennels, babbling of the wonders of the dream palace by the sea. Groucho patiently plodded after him, nodding gravely, apparently much impressed. Finally, he was ushered out on the flagged terrace and the salesman waved proudly toward the broad expanse of the Pacific.

Now, what do you think?, he challenged.

I don’t care for it, replied Groucho thoughtfully and he waved in turn at the view.

Take away the ocean and what have you got?


An artist who wanted a home among the Taconic Hills of Vermont was talking the matter over with a farmer who allowed that he had a house for sale.

I must have a good view, insisted the artist.

Is there a good view?

Well, drawled the farmer,

From the front porch, yuh kin see Ed Snow’s barn, but beyond that there ain’t nuthin’ but a bunch of mountains.

tags – real estate, fire insurance, anecdotes

Xxxx subham xxx

Political Party Anecdotes (Post No.7681)


Post No.7681

Date uploaded in London – 11 March 2020

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Thaddeus Stevens, once going into the room of the Committee on Elections of which he was a member, found a hearing going on. He asked one of his Republican colleagues what was the point in the case.

“There is not much point to it”, was the answer.

“They are both dammed scoundrels”.

“Well”, said St evens,

“Which is the Republican damned scoundrel? I want to go for the Republican damned scoundrel”.


I am a Democrat

Senator George W Norris had made a speech in Norfolk, Nebraska the night before and was taking a walk after breakfast when he noticed some men hitching a horse in a livery stable across the street. One of them recognised him and crossed over hurriedly introducing himself as a preacher in a place twelve miles away, in haste to get home to deliver his sermon.

The preacher wanted to shake his hand.

“I have followed your record in the Congress , he said, and I came down to your meeting last night to hear you talk . Mr Norris, I am so anxious to have you succeed that every night on bended knees I ask god to guard and protect you and see that you are elected to the Senate in order that your activities may have a wider scope. Why I get so enthusiastic that I almost feel as though I ought to vote for you myself”.

“Well, my good friend, if that is the way you feel about it, why don’t you vote for me?”

“Oh, Mr Norris, I never could do that. I am a Democrat.”


United States and Slavery

Judge T Lyle Dickey of Illinois related that when the excitement over the Kansas Nebraska Bill first broke out, he was with Lincoln and several friends attending court. One evening several persons, including himself and Lincoln, were discussing the slavery question. Judge dickey contended that slavery was an institution which the Constitution recognised, and which could not be disturbed.

Lincoln argued that ultimately slavery must become extinct.

After a while, said Judge Dickey, we went upstairs to bed. There were two beds in our room, and I remember Lincoln sat up in his night shirt on the edge of the bed arguing the point with me. At last we went to sleep.

Early in the morning I woke up and there was Lincoln half sitting up in bed.

Dickey, said he, I tell you this nation cannot exist half slave and half free.

Oh, Lincoln, said I, go to sleep.


Inherited from England

Cobden used to tell us the following anecdote,

When in America, I asked an enthusiastic lady why her country could not rest satisfied with the immense unoccupied territories it already possessed, but ever must be hankering after the lands of its neighbours; when her remarkable reply was:-

“Oh the propensity is a very bad one , I admit, but we came honestly by it, for we inherited it from England” .

Xxx Subham xxxx

More Golf Anecdotes (Post No.7375)

  More Golf Anecdotes (Post No.7375)  

Compiled by London swaminathan Post no. 7375 Date 23 December 2019 Uploaded from London Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks  

Searching frantically for an almost hour , two novices at the game of golf attempted to find their balls which they had driven into the rough.
About to give up they were approached by a sweet old lady who had been watching them sympathetically,
I don’t wish to interfere, gentlemen, but would it be cheating if I were to tell you where the balls are?


A foursome at golf were going around on a course which had as its hazard a deep ravine. Three of them were caught and two of them decided to forfeit the hole rather than take a chance on having too many strokes chalcked up against them . The other decided to take his chances.
He disappeared into the ravine and others gathered around to watch his progress. Finally the ball appeared and bounced up on to the green.
How many strokes ? Asked one.
But we heard six.
Three of them were echoes.

The golfer, annoyed at the loss of his ball, started to scold his caddie for not having been more careful in watching its flight.
Replying thoughtlessly, attempting to excuse himself, the caddie said,
Well, sir, it dint usually go any where, so it sort of took me unprepared like


  A couple of day labourers, on their way home from work, stopped to watch a game of golf. They saw a golfer drive his ball into the rough; watched as he toiled to extricate himself. Then he got into sand trap and laboured, throwing up huge clouds of sand, to get himself out of his difficulty .
Finally, after getting on the Green, he managed to put the ball into the cup. One of the labourers, a burly Irishman, had been watching all this with a most sympathetic eye. Unable to repress his verbal sympathy, he said,
Now, mister, yez arre in a helluva fix.


A new member of a golf club was led to the first tee. Surrounded by grinning spectators he teed off, and with an almost miraculous drive landed the ball in the first hole. Noticing no sign of anything from his watchers, who were in fact struck speech less by this feat, he marched off to the second tee. Taking his stance again he drove at the ball, and again it went into the cup.
Waving his club as though in near disappointment he said,
Gosh, I sure thought I would missed it that time.

Football Anecdotes (Post No.7343)

WRITTEN By London Swaminathan

Date: 14 DECEMBER 2019

 Time in London – 19-30,

Post No. 7343

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Football and Religion

In Belfast they still tell you about the football game that took place between the 100 % Catholics and 100% Protestants. A Limey attended that game and when the Catholics made a skilful play he applauded and when the Protestants in their turn scored he again joined in the shouting. At this point an Irishman jabbed the Limey in the back and said,

“My God, Man, haven’t you got any religion at all?”


“Girls” won the match

Coach Dana X Bible of Texas A and M college delivered perhaps the quietest, shortest, most effective pep talk in recent football history. His team had been badly trounced in the first half of one of their big games. The interval between halves was one of silence and gloom in which the coach said nothing. At last, as the team prepared to go out again on the field, he looked them over slowly and deliberately and said,
Well, girls, shall we go?
They won the game.


The football game between Notre dame and Yale was in full swing. The score was tied. The spectators were yelling wildly; the players were grimly determined that their side would win.

About the middle of the third quarter time was called at the request of the Yale Center. Walking up to the referee he said,

Look here, Mr Referee, I don’t like to complain but every time we get tangled up in a scrimmage play that big Irish Center bites me. What do you think that I should do about it?

Well, snapped the referee, the only thing I advise is that you play him only on Fridays.

Xxxx subham xxx

Pope’s Cardinal in Hell! Pope said OK! (Post No.6538)

Compiled  by London Swaminathan

Date: 12 June 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –  21-

Post No. 6538

Pictures shown here are taken from various sources including google, Wikipedia, Facebook friends and newspapers. This is a non- commercial blog. ((posted by AND

Michelangelo , when painting in the Popes chapel the picture of Hell and the souls of the damned , made one of the latter so exact a resemblance of a cardinal who was his enemy, that everyone immediately applied to Pope Clement , desiring it may be effaced; to which te latter replied,

“You know that I have power to deliver a soul out of purgatory, but not out of Hell”.


Hole in Pope’s Chair!

New made Popes were formerly seated on a chair with a hole in it, from whence they threw money to the people. The design of this delicate throne was to intimate to the newly elected Pope, that he was subject to the calls of nature like other men.


Pope’s “Miracle”

When Sixtus the Fifth aspired to the Popedom he counterfeited old age for fifteen years. During the conclave assembled to elect a new Pope, he leaned upon a crutch and appeared remarkably firm. His plan took so  well that the cardinals elected him, expecting that he would die soon. But shortly after his election,  he performed the “miracle” of his own cure.


Christ will be crucified again!

Goethe walking through Rome with a friend, said to him. “There is not a relic of primitive Christianity here; and if Jesus Christ was to return to see what his deputy was about, he would run a far chance of being crucified again.”

Xxx  subham xxx

Judge says, ‘You be Hanged’ and Bishop says ‘You be Damned’ (Post No.6515)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

Date: 8 June 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –  19-06

Post No. 6515

Pictures shown here are taken from various sources including google, Wikipedia, Facebook friends and newspapers. This is a non- commercial blog. ((posted by AND

‘Vat a devil is dat?’ – Handel Angry! (Post No.6331)


Date: 1 May 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 8-58 AM

Post No. 6331

Pictures shown here are taken from various sources including google, Wikipedia, Facebook friends and newspapers. This is a non- commercial blog. ((posted by AND

Mendelssohn ‘s friend Madame Frege sang to him a song with the words,

“Time marches on by night as well as day
And many march by night who fain would stay
Oh that has a dreary sound! The composer cried with a shudder— but it is just what I feel “

He then suddenly rose, as pale as death, and paced the room hurriedly, complaining that his hands were as cold as ice.

He died within a month.



Robert Fuchs, a reminiscent composer, was present one day when a highly Brahmsian composition of his was played to Brahms, and nearly fainted with embarrassment when the Master, assuming innocent bewilderment, asked him:
“But what piece of mine was that?”



Brahms attended a rehearsal of his clarinet quintet, and was so touched that tears came to his eyes. To cover his emotion he marched across the room, closed the first violin part and growled:
Stop the terrible music!



When Nietzsche one day observed to Wagner that in Figaro, Mozart had invented the music of intrigue, Wagner replied:
“On the contrary! In Figaro Mozart dissolved the intrigue in music.”



While George Gershwin was at work on the Rhapsody in Blue, his father thrust his head into the room.

“Make it good, George”, he counselled, it might be important.

So, indeed, it proved as Pa Gershwin was able to demonstrate irrefutably to a doubting Thomas.
“Of course it is a great piece ! Doesn’t it take fifteen minutes to play?”



Brahms hates to be called Meister /Master or Tonkunstler/ musical artist, for, he contented,
You might as well call me Cobblemaster or Maker of Clay Stoves and have done with it.



The first time the musical instrument called “the Serpent “ was used at a London concert over which the German composer Handel presided, he was so much surprised at the coarseness of its tones that he called out sharply:

“Vat a devil is dat?”
On being informed it was the Serpent, he replied,

“It never can be de serpent vat seduced Eve”.