Elections Anecdotes (Post No.3621)

 

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Date: 9 FEBRUARY 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 18-06

 

Post No. 3621

 

 

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My Vote for You!

There is the story of a Yankee farmer who promised his vote to the Democratic candidate for Selectman and ten minutes later promised it to the Republican nominee. To his wife’s rebuke he replied cannily,

“Did you notice how pleased each of the candidates were?”

“Yes”

“Well, I pleased them both, and on Election Day I will please myself, and then we shall all be pleased together”.

 

Xxxx

Public offices anecdotes 

 

The typically parliamentary mind suffers considerably from the necessity of departing from orderly procedure. This was clearly demonstrated in the meeting of the Town Council of a small city on the West coast of USA. The session was interrupted by a mild earthquake shock, and all present hastened out of the building to safety.

The clerk found himself severely perplexed by the problem of concluding his formal minutes of the meeting in the proper manner. After mulling over the problem for a considerable length of time, he was inspired to the following conclusion:

“On motion of the City Hall, the Council adjourned”.

 

Xxx

 

I am ready to walk: Lincoln

Lincoln was once asked if he did not find the office of the presidency with all its attendant ceremonies rather tiresome at times.

Lincoln replied, “Yes, sometimes. In fact I feel sometimes like a man who was ridden out of town on a rail and said “If it wasn’t for the honour of the thing, I would rather walk”.

 

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God and Abraham Lincoln!

John Bach McMaster , the historian, told this story of Abraham Lincoln.

When he was a very small boy he was taken to a reception at the White House . The guests were lined up and led past the president under the watchful eyes of the ushers. No one was allowed to come very close or shake his hand. One old man who had come a long distance just for this occasion was very disappointed at not having shaken hands with  the President.

Just before leaving the line the old timer waved his hat at the president and shouted, “Mr President, I am from up in York state where we believe that God Almighty and Abraham Lincoln are going to save the country”.

Jovially the president waved back at him ,”My friend, you are half right, was his reply”.

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Lincoln’s Knowledge of History!

Jefferson Davis insisted on being recognised by his official title as commander or President in the regular negotiations with the US Government. This Mr Lincoln would not consent to.

Mr Hunte there upon referred to the correspondence between King Charles the first and his parliament as a precedent for a negotiation between a constitutional government and rebels. Mr Lincoln’s face then wore that indescribable expression which generally preceded his hardest hits, and he remarked ,”Upon questions of history, I must refer you to Mr Seward for he is posted on such things and I don’t profess to be; but my only distinct recollection of the matter is that Charles lost his head”.

–Subham–

 

Inspiring Anecdotes in the Life of Swami Chinmayananda Saraswati (Post No.3600)

Written by S NAGARAJAN

 

Date: 3 February 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:-  6-10 am

 

 

Post No.3600

 

 

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by Santhanam Nagarajan

Swami Chinmayananda Saraswati (Birth 8-5-1916 Samadhi 3-8-1993) was one of the greatest Hindu spiritual leaders of our times.

He was in Himalayas. One day there was a sudden call! He himself narrated what had happened thus: “Mother Ganga in her incessant hurry seemed to tell me, ‘Son, don’t you see Me? Born here in Himalayas, I rush down to the plains taking with me both life and nourishment. Fulfilment of any possession, is in sharing it with others.’ I decided. I was encouraged. I felt reinforced. The urge became irresistible.”

Then he came down to the plains and started meeting people. He travelled length and breadth of the whole world and attracted thousands of followers. His Gita discourses were very famous. He founded Chinmaya Mission on 8th August 1953. The Chinmaya movement was born out of love and rooted in the wisdom of Truth.

His eloquence in English is very famous. Once when one devotee told him that he was always in the midst of troubles he immediately retorted saying, “When troubles come to trouble you, don’t trouble to stop the troubles, but allow the troubles to trouble the troubles, so that no trouble is free to trouble you. Trouble not at troubles; let the troubles trouble the trouble”. Everybody laughed. The questioner understood the point and was cleared of his doubt. The great Tamil Poet Thiruvalluvar said in his poem, “When trouble comes laugh at it”

He delivered several lectures in America.  At the end of the first talk in Palo Alto, one of the listeners asked him, “What is your technique?”

“What is my technique? My technique is to stand on my nose and meditate” said Swamiji. “But I only practice it in private”.

 

He gave a mischievous laugh, and then thundered seriously, “If you are looking for shortcuts in spirituality or instant psychedelic happenings, you have made a mistake today. But don’t repeat it – don’t come tomorrow.”

His words were straight.  Everyone got the message. They turned every day to hear the discourses.

Once, a young boy asked Swamiji, “What made you renounce the world? You were a postgraduate in English Literature and Law, and a very successful journalist:

Swamiji asked him in return, “when will you spit that thing out?” referring to the chewing gum in the boy’s mouth. “Oh! I am just about to spit it out. There is no juice left in it,” said the boy. “Ah! I, too, did just that,” laughed Swamiji. “I had chewed the world sufficiently and did not find any more juice in it.”

One skeptic asked him, “Whatever you teach is there in the books. What do I need a Guru for?” He replied, “Why don’t you ask the question to the books.”

How to inspire the young children imbibing the idea of God in them? In Manila, some children gathered around him.

He asked them, “What is the color of the milk?”

“White” answered all the children.

“What color is the cow?”

“Black.”

“What does it eat?”

“Grass.”

“What color is the grass?”

“Green.”

“What makes the green grass eaten by a black cow to come out as white milk?”

The children were silent.

He said “Krishna! It is the Lord who makes the impossible possible.”

His unique way of teaching is incomparable.  Devotees used to narrate hundreds of interesting anecdotes happened in his life.

Once, Mr Manian, the famous Tamil writer, journalist and editor of many magazines in his welcoming address at Madras said: “ We find in Swamiji a Good Teacher, a Popular Preacher, a Religious Leader, a Philosopher, a Rational Thinker, a Scientist, an Artist, a communicator, a Journalist, and Educationist and above all a Guiding Spirit. In him we see the wisdom of Vasishta, the vigour of Viswamitra, the knowledge of Brigu, the thought process of Veda Vyasa, the power of Kasyapa, the determination of Gautama and pardom me Swamiji, the anger and humour of Durvasa,”

Verily he was a great saint who propagated the glory of Hinduism.  His life was his message!

This article first appeared in www.ezinearticles.com on 26-1-2017

Peasel follow the link :   http://ezinearticles.com/?Inspiring-Anecdotes-in-the-Life-of-Swami-Chinmayananda-Saraswati&id=9628890

 

Stubbornness and Vanity Anecdotes (Post No.3579)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 26 January 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 19-28

 

Post No.3579

 

 

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General Grant was known for his tenaciousness. Having once taken a place he never surrendered it.  Abraham Lincoln once commented on this to General Butler, saying,

“When General Grant once gets possessed of a place he seems to hang on to its if he had inherited it”.

 

Xxx

How to control Mules?

A man who was extremely successful in dealing with mule teams was once was asked by General Booth of the Salvation Army, how he managed the stubborn creatures

Well, General, explained the man,

“When they stop and won’t go on I just pick up a handful of soil and put it in their mouths. Of course, they spit it out, but as a rule they start on”.

Why do you think it has the effect?, asked the General.

“Well, I don’t know, but I expect it changes the current of their thoughts”, the mule driver replied.

 

Xxx

Vanity anecdotes

Byron’s vanity

Scrope Davies was on very intimate terms with many great men of the period, and he had such admiration for the author of Don Juan, Byron, that he could gain admission to his rooms at all hours . On one occasion, he found the poet in bed with his hair “en papillote”, upon which Scrope cried in great glee.

“Ha, ha, Byron , I have at last caught you acting the part of the Sleeping Beauty.”

Byron, in a rage, exclaimed ,

“No Scrope; the part of a damned fool, you should have said”.

Upon which Scrope answered ,

“Anything you please, but you have succeeded admirably in deceiving your friends, for it was my conviction that your hair curled naturally” .

“Yes, naturally every night; but do not, my dear Scrope, let the cat out of the bag, for I am as vain of my curls as a girlfriend sixteen.”

 

–Subham–

 

Age Anecdotes (Post No. 3549)

Image of Cicero, Roman emperor

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 16 January 2017

 

Time uploaded in London:- 20–17

 

Post No.3549

 

 

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Fabia Dollabella saying she was thirty years of age.
Cicero answered:”it must be true, for I have heard it these twenty years.

Xxx

 

92 year old man after a young girl!

When Oliver Wendel Holmes was still on the Supreme Court bench, he and Justice Brandeis took walk every afternoon. On one of the occasion s, Holmes, then 92, paused to gaze in Frank admiration at a beautiful young girl who passed them. He even turned to look at her as she continued down the street. Then, turning to Brandeis, he sighed, “Oh! what I wouldn’t give to be 70 again!

Xxx

A farmer called out to Colonel Thomas Hart Benton and inquired to know his age. The Colonel replied, “According to the calendar my age is seventy four, but when anything is to be done I am thirty five years old, sir”.

Xxx

 

Bernard Shaw on Youth!

Youth, said Bernard Shaw , ” is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children “.

Xxx

I do not approve of shadows in painting “, said Queen Elizabeth to Daniel Meyers. ” You must strike off my likeness without shadows.

The queen was near sixty when she said this and the shadows, as she charitably called them were wrinkles big enough to have had a straw in them.

Xxx

I am 38, only my Mum is 41!

Stirred by the patriotic fervour that swept over the country, an Irish man of 41 tried to enlist in
the army. Although the recruiting sergeant saw that this man would make a good soldier, he could not accept any man over 38.

“Listen, fella”, said the sergeant, ” are you sure of your age? Suppose y ou go home and think it over, and then come back tomorrow.”

Next day the Irish man returned.
“Well,how old are you now? Asked the sergeant.
“I was wrong yesterday “,said the hopeful recruit. ” Sure , I am 38. It’s e old mother who is 41″.

Xxx

Ex President of USA

In his e extreme old age John Quincy Adams was slowly and feebly walking down a street in Boston. An old friend accosted him and shaking his trembling hand asked, ” and how is john Quincy Adams today?

“Thank you “, said the ex-president, ” John Quincy Adams is well, quite well, I thank you. But the house in which he lives at present is becoming quite dilapidated. It is tottering upon its foundations. Time and the season s have nearly destroyed it. Its roof is pretty well worn out . Its walls are much shattered, and it tremble s with every wind. The old tenement is almost uninhabitable, and I think John Quincy Adams will have to move out of. It soon. But he himself is quite well, quite well “.

SUBHAM

 

SNOBBISHNESS Anecdotes (Post No.3460)

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 18 December 2016

 

Time uploaded in London:- 6-21 AM

 

Post No.3460

 

 

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Greek Noble

The Athenian general Iphicrates was the son of a shoemaker. One of his opponents in a suit at law, a descendent of pariot Harmodius, referred insultingly to Iphicrates’ humble birth. With the spirit of a true democrat, the general answered calmly,

“Yes, the nobility of my family begins with me; just as that of yours ends with you”.

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Snobbish English

 

Mount Vernon, the estate of General George Washington, is visited by many people. One day a somewhat snobbish and patronizing young English man remarked to Shep Wright, an old gardener employed on the estate,

“I say, old man, this hedge. Ah ……. I see that dear old George got this hedge from England”.

 

The old gardener was more than a match for him. Looking at the young man quizzically for about a minute, he said:

“Yes reckon he did. And that ain’t all. He got this whole blooming country from England”.

 

xxx

Asking for Dinner

 

Displaying considerable snobbishness a Englishman remarked to an American friend, “How unpleasant it must be for you Americans to be governed by people whom one would never think of asking for dinner”.

 

With scarcely a moment’s thought, the American replied coldly, “No more unpleasant than being governed by people who wouldn’t ask you to dinner.”

 

xxx

Sir William Wallace rebuffed

 

There came to the National Art Gallery in London, one day, a gentleman rather shabbily dressed, carrying a picture under his arm, who asked to see William Boxall, the governor. He was peremptorily refused an audience, and only repeated rebuffs was he granted a moment’s interview.

 

The stranger intimated that he had a picture in his possession which he wished to give to the National gallery, and began to unbuckle the straps to show the painting within. Sir William, however brusquely ordered him either to leave it or take it away altogether, saying that he was too busy to look at it.

“But you had better have one glance – I ask for no more”., said the stranger.

 

Again Sir William refused, and was just on the point of turning away when the covering fell off the picture and there was revealed one of Terborch’s masterpieces which the governor himself, sometime previously, had failed to gain though he had offered for it 6000 pounds.

“My name is Wallace, said the stranger quietly, Sir William Wallace, and I came to offer this picture to the National Gallery.”

“I almost fainted, related Boxall later.

 

–Subham–

 

Patriotic Americans: Soldiers and Sailors Anecdotes (Post No.3294)

Army_US_Post_FLAG.jpg

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 27 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 17-22

 

Post No.3294

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks

 

 

Vice President Henry A Wallace, in his famous speech on “The Century of the Common Man “, told the following story of heroism and courage

 

The American people always had guts and always will have. You know the story of the bomber pilot Dixon and radio man Gene Aldrich and ordnance man Tony Pastula -the story which Ameicans will be telling their children for generations to illustrate man’s ability to master any fate. These men lived for 34 days on the open sea in a rubber life raft, 8 feet by 4 feet, with no food but that which they took from the sea and the air with one pocket knife and a pistol. And yet they lived it through and came at last to the beach of an island they did not know. Despite their suffering and weakness, they stood like men, with no weapon to protect themselves and no shoes on their feet or clothes on their backs and walked in military file because, they said, “if there were Japs, we didn’t want to be crawling.”

 

Xxx

Any Volunteer Please!

During the heroic defence of the Bataan Peninsula, one of the commanding officers lined up a company of his men and asked for a volunteer for a mission of the utmost peril. Anyone willing to serve was instructed to step forward two paces from the line.

 

He glanced for a moment at a memorandum in his hand and, looking up, was shocked and disappointed to see the ranks unbroken.

“What, he said unbelievingly, ” not a single man!”

” You do not understand, sir, said an aide at his elbow , the whole line stepped forward Roy two paces “.

(It reminds the story of Great Sikh Guru — Guru Gobind Singh who asked for five volunteers)

ussoldies

Xxx

Philosophy of Life!

A profound philosophy of life is reflected in the reply of the sailor who, when he was asked what he done with his pay , said, Part went for liquor and part went for women. The rest I spent foolishly.

 

Xxx

 

Shortly after the Revolutionary War, Benedict Arnold was presented at Court in London. While the King was conversing with him , Lord Balcarass, a stately old noble, who had fought under General Burgoyne in the campaigns of America, was presented. The King introduced them with Lord Barcarass and General Arnold

 

What sir, said the haughty old earl drawing up his lofty form, the traitor Arnold!” and refused to give him his hand.

 

The consequence was a challenge from Arnold . They met and it was arranged that the parties should fire together. At the signal Arnold fired. Lord Balcarass, however, throwing down his pistol, turned on his heel, and was walking away, when Arnold called after him,

Why don’t you fire my Lord?

Sire, said the earl, ” I will leave that to the executioner “.

 

—SUBHAM–

 

 

 

 

AMERICAN CIVIL WAR ANECDOTES (Post No.3274)

american-civil-war-saratoga

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 21 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 9-24 AM

 

Post No.3274

 

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fort_sumter_centennial_1961-4c

President Jackson

During nullification in South Carolina, after President Jackson’s proclamation, the Governor of Virginia sent a request to the President, in case it became necessary to send United States troops down South, not to send them through the State. If he did, they would have to pass over the Governor’s dead body.

 

The President received the message and replied: “If it becomes necessary for the United States troops to go to South Carolina, I, as commander-in-chief of the army, will be at their head. I will march them by the shortest route. They may pass through Virginia; but if the governor makes it necessary to pass over his dead body, it will be found that I will have previously taken off both ears.

Xxx

Lincoln’s Victorious Walk!

Richmond fell. Lincoln himself entered the city on foot, accompanied only by a few officers and a squad of sailors who had rowed him ashore from the flotilla in the James River, a Negro picked up on the way serving as a guide. Never had the world seen a more modest conqueror and a less characteristic triumphal procession no army with banners and drums, only a throng of those who had been slaves hastily run together, escorting the victorious chief into the capital of the vanquished foe. We are told that they pressed around him, kissed his hands and his garments and shouted and danced with joy, while tears ran down the President’s care-furrowed cheeks.

Xxx

2000px-trans-mississippi_civil_war-svg

Advancing Backwards!

Near the end of the Civil War, when the Confederate forces were falling back on Richmond, an old Negro asked by his mistress for encouraging news, replied.

“Well, missy, due to de lie of de land where dey’s fightin’, dem Yankees is retreatin’ forward, while we is advancin’ backwards.”

xxx

The prayer of a Unitarian preacher in Massachusetts during the Civil War

“Oh, God, we pray thee to bless the rebels. Bless their hearts with sincere repentance. Bless their armies with defeat. Bless their social condition by emancipation.

 

Xxxx

 

CIVILIANS IN WAR

 

Louis Fischer, editor and correspondent, tells the story that at a dinner-party in England the guests were discussing the fact that the cigarettes were worse since the war started and the transportation, food, and indeed everything was worse.

“Only the people are better,” someone observed.

Xxx

abraham_lincoln_1890_issue-4c

Lincoln’s Story

During a public “reception”, a farmer from one of the counties of Virginia told President Lincoln, that the Union soldiers, in passing his farm, had helped themselves not only to hay, but to his horse, and he hoped the President would urge the proper officer to consider his claim immediately.

Mr. Lincoln said that this reminded him of an old acquaintance of his, “Jack” Chase, a lumberman on the Illinois, a steady, sober man and the best raftsman on the river. It was quite a trick to take the logs over the rapids; but he was skilful with a raft and always kept her straight in the channel. Finally, a steamer was put on, and Jack was made captain of her. He always used to take the wheel, going through the rapids. One day, when the boat was plunging and wallowing along the boiling current, and Jack’s utmost vigilance was being exercised to keep the narrow channel, a boy pulled his coat-tail and hailed him with:

“Say, Mr. Captain! I wish you would just stop your boat a minute. I’ve lost my apple overboard.

Xxx

 

Lip Sympathy only!

President Lincoln was bothered to death by those persons who boisterously demanded that the War be pushed vigorously also, those who shouted their advice and opinions into his weary ears, but who never suggested anything practical. These fellows were not in the army nor did they ever take any interest, in a personal way, in military affairs, except when engaged in dodging drafts.

 

“That reminds me remarked Mr. Lincoln one day, “of a farmer who lost his way on the Western frontier. Night came on, and the embarrassments of his position were increased by a furious tempest which suddenly burst upon him. To add to his discomfort, his horse had given out, leaving him exposed to all the dangers of the pitiless storm.

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“The peals of thunder were terrific, the frequent flashes of lightning affording the only guide on the road as he resolutely trudged onward, leading his jaded steed. The earth seemed fairly to tremble beneath in the elements. One bolt threw him suddenly upon his knees.

 

“Our traveller was not a prayerful man, but finding himself involuntarily brought to an attitude of devotion, addressed himself to the Throne of Grace in the following prayer for his deliverance.

 

“O God! hear my prayer this time, for Thou knowest it is not often that I call upon Thee. And O,Lord! If it is not all the same to Thee, give us a little more light and a little noise.

 

“I wish,” the President said, sadly, “there was a stronger disposition manifested on the part of our civilian warriors to unite in suppressing the rebellion and a little less noise as to how and by whom the chief executive office shall be administered.”
–SUBHAM–

 

FIRST WORLD WAR ANECDOTES (Post No.3271)

britain-ww

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 20 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 8-58

 

Post No.3271

 

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russia-ww

KILLING WITHOUT A PURPOSE!

Bronislaw Malinowski says, “I once talked to an old cannibal who, hearing of the Great War raging then in Europe, was most curious to know how we Europeans managed to eat such enormous quantities of human flesh. when I told him that Europeans do not eat their slain foes, he looked at me in shocked horror and asked what sort of barbarians we were, to kill without any real object.

Xxx

 

NEW FAIRY TALE!

In Italy it is whispered that a new technique for the fairy tale has come into existence. The old formula began, “Once upon a time.” Now it begins, “The General Headquarters of the Armed Forces communicates.”

Xxx

 

WHEN IS THE WAR GOING TO END?

According to one story, Marshal Foch’s chauffeur was constantly besieged by journalists and plain information- seekers with the question, “When is the war going to end? What do you hear?”

 

The chauffeur put off his questioners, saying, “As soon as I hear the Marshall say anything, I will tell you.”

 

At last he said, “The Marshal spoke today.”

“Well,” they demanded, “what did he say?

“He said, “Well, Pierre, what do you think? When is the war going to end?

Xxx

france-ww

FRENCH ATTITUDE!

Jean Gabin, the film actor, upon his arrival in New York recently, was asked what was the French attitude toward the British, “We are both pro- and anti-British,” he said.

 

“Those who are pro-British say each night in their prayers, “Please, God, let the gallant British win quickly.”

Those who are anti-British say each night in their prayers, ‘Please, God, let the dirty British win right away.”

Xxx

first-world-war

THE LAST WAR

Mr. Pitt, speaking in the House of Commons of the glorious war preceding that in which England lost the colonies called it “The last war.” Several members cried out: “The last war but one!

He took no notice, and soon, after repeating the mistake, was interrupted by a general cry of “The last war but one!”

 

“I mean, sir,” said Pitt, turning to the speaker, and raising his voice, “I mean, the last war that Britons would wish to remember.”

Xxx

 

In 1918 Premier Georges Clemenceau of France made the observation, “War is too important to leave to the Generals.”

Xxx

The Italians say among themselves, “In the First World war we prepared, fought, and made the Armistice. This time (II W.W.) we made the Armistice (with France), fought, and now we are preparing.

Xxx

worldbrain-00

H G WELLS! THINK!THINK!!

Lillah McCarthy went to stay with H. G. Wells in Essex. England also was now at war (1914). “His face, generally so mobile, had become rigid and the playful look stern. I tried to distract him “No, Lillah,’ he said, ‘no, I can’t get away from the war. The world is falling to pieces. I can do nothing but think, think.’

 

—Subham–

 

Rabelais and Shrewdness Anecdotes (Post No.3088)

rabelais 1

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 24  August 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 18-33

 

Post No.3088

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks for the pictures.

 

gargantua-252683

A sidewalk pitchman was disgusted by his failure to elicit any profitable response from the large crowd assembled around him.

“You pikers, he said in disgust, are too tight to offer me 50 cent for a dollar”.

“I will”, someone spoke up.

“All right, said the pitch man, handover the fifty cents.”

“I am not taking any chances. Take it out of the buck and hand me the change”.

 

Xxx

 

(Francois Rabelais (1494-1553) was a French writer. He wrote Gargantuan and Pantagruel, a hilarious classic of French literature and one of the greatest books ever written.  He was a Greek scholar and joined a monastery.)

 

Rabelais once found himself stranded in a village in southern France without a sou (a former French coin of low value) to get him back to Paris.  He took this means to obtain quick and easy passage to the French capital.

 

He engaged a room in the only tavern in the town and asked for a secretary to assist him in some writing. The mistress of the inn sent him her son, a sharp lad about twelve years old.

 

Rabelais said to his ‘secretary’, “My boy, we are about to undertake a very serious business here. I want you to sit down here and print these labels for me. Poison for the King, Poison for the queen, Poison for the Duke of Orleans etc While you are doing this I shall be preparing the poison.

 

While the terrified youngster was busy at his task of printing, RABELAIS Scrapped up the ashes from the grate, mixed them with the contents of his snuff box  and wrapped up the contents in several neat packages, on which he pasted his labels.

Gargantua_GF

He then dismissed his ‘secretary’ with a solemn warning and the boy at once rushed downstairs and breathlessly told his mother of the whole business. The woman summoned the gendarmes (French Police) who came to the inn and caught the dangerous guest with his damning evidence.  As the suspect could not give an account of himself he was bundled off to Paris. Hence he was brought to court and recognised by the King who heard his case and of course set him free.

 

–Subham–

 

 

Servants Anecdotes (Post No 2928)

KWS Mona Lake dead fish 6.JPG

Compiled by london swaminathan

Date: 29 June 2016

Post No. 2928

Time uploaded in London :–  17-47

( Thanks for the Pictures)

 

DON’T REBLOG IT AT LEAST FOR A WEEK!  DON’T USE THE PICTURES; THEY ARE COPYRIGHTED BY SOMEONE.

 

(for old articles go to tamilandvedas.com OR swamiindology.blogspot.com)

 

 

Dead Fish Smell

William K.Vanderbilt was fond of telling the following story on himself.

He once observed to his valet that a towel he was using did not seem clean. The man replied that the towels had been done by the regular laundry.

But, Vanderbilt said, “this one smells like dead fish”.

“Well sir”, replied his man, “perhaps you have used it previously”.

 

Xxx

three dollars

Kind Servant!

Mrs.Dean William Howells, wife of the noted novelist, had hired a girl to do the house work. Several weeks passed and from seeing her master constantly about the house, the girl received an erroneous impression.

“Excuse me, Mrs Howells”, she said to her mistress one day, “but I would like to say something”.

“Well, Mary?”

The girl flushed and fumbled with her apron,

“Well, you pay me four dollars a week….”

“I can’t really pay you anymore”, interrupted Mrs. Howells apologetically.

“It is not that”, hastily answered the girl , “but I am willing to take three till Mr.Howells lands a job”.

 

Xxx

reindeer milking

I don’t know! I don’t know!!

A married couple, returning from Europe, became interested in attractive red cheeked Finnish girl in the steerage. They found that she was coming to America to look for work and decided to offer employment.

“Can you cook?”, they asked.

“No, said the girl, my mother always did the cooking”.

“Well, they said, then you can do the house work?”

“No,said she, I don’t know how. My oldest sister always did the housework”.

“Well, then we could let you take care of the children.”

“No, I couldn’t do that. My youngest sister always took care of the children”.

“Well, can you do the sewing?”

“No, said the girl, my aunt always did the sewing”.

“What can you do?, cried the despairing couple.”

The girl was quite bright and cheerful as she volunteered, “I can milk reindeer”.

 

Xxx

Empty Fruit Shell

Entering the kitchen one evening the lady of the house was amazed to see her cook, who was going home for the night, packing some empty grapefruit hulls into her black bag. Completely mystified at this procedure and curious to find out the reason for it, she asked,

Mandy, why in the world do you take the trouble to carry home those empty grapefruits?

“Well, madam, I admit that they ain’t any use to me. But they sure make my garbage look stylish”.

grapefruit

Xxx

Drunk Everyday!

The Count de Mirabeau, brother of the celebrated orator, one morning called his valet to him,

You are faithful, said he, you are jealous, in short, I am satisfied with your services, but I give you your dismissal.

On what account? naturally inquired the valet.

Notwithstanding our agreement, you get drunk on the same days as I do ,said Mirabeau.

It is not my fault, replied the valet, you get drunk every day.

—Subham–