Accuracy and Absent Mindedness Anecdotes (Post No.5143)

Compiled by LONDON SWAMINATHAN

 

Date: 24 JUNE 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  9-17 am  (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 5143

 

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More Absent mindedness anecdotes

 

Nose, Big Nose!!
When her daughters were very small girls, Mrs Dwight Morrow gave a high tea at which one of the guests was to be the senior JP Morgan.
The girls were to be brought in, introduced and ushered out. Mrs Morrow’s great fear was the possibility that Anne, the most outspoken of them, might comment audibly upon Mr Morgan’s celebrated and conspicuous nose. She therefore took pains to explain to Anne that personal observations were impolite and and to caution her especially against making any comment upon Mr Morgan’s nose, no matter what she thinks of it.
When the moment came and the children were brought in, Mrs Morrow held her breath as she saw Anne’s gaze unfalteringly fix upon this objective and remain there.

Nonetheless, the introduction was made, the little girls curtsied and were sent on their way. With a sigh of relief Mrs Morrow turned back to her duties as hostess and said to her chief guest, “And now, Mr Morgan, will you have cream or lemon in your nose?”

Xxxx

Lungs!
That absent minded professor Schmaltz has left his umbrella again. He would leave his head if it were loose, observed the waiter.
That is true, said the manager, I just heard him say he was going to Switzerland for his lungs.
Xxx

 

Send a wreath for Your Own Death!

The professor was very absent minded;

Did you see this?, his wife asked as he came in.
There is a report in the paper of your death.
“Dear me, said the professor, we must remember to send a wreath”.
Xxx


Forgotten Floor!
You mean to say, asked the judge of the defendant, that you threw your wife out of the second story window through forgetfulness ?
Yes sir, replied the defendant
We used to live on the ground floor and I plumb forgot we moved.
Xxxx

Top Speed! To Unknown Destination!

Thomas Henry Huxley once arrived late in a town in which he was to deliver an important lecture.
Jumping into a cab, he cried to the driver ,”Top speed!”

In a hurry the cabby whipped his horse into action and the vehicle went bumping along the streets at a wild clip. The lack of dignity and organisation in the proceedings then dawned upon Huxley, and above the clatter of the wheels he shouted to the driver,
“Here,here, do you know where I want to go?”
“No, Your Honour, called the cabby, cracking his whip the while, but I am driving as fast as I can.”

Xxxxx

Accuracy anecdotes
Cordell Hull is an extremely cautious speaker, striving always for scientific accuracy. One day on a train, a friend pointed to a fine flock of sheep grazing in a field. Look, those sheep have just been sheared, he said.
Hull studied the flock. Sheared on this side any way, he admitted.

Xxx

Tit for Tat

The captain of a certain freighter was martinet who, although technically just, was noted far and wide, for the strictness of his interpretation of the facts.

On a certain voyage he had a new first mate, an able and conscientious man. Following an of shipboard revelry, the captain entered in the log the note, ‘The first mate was drunk last night’.
Seeing this the mate was greatly distressed and pled with the captain to strike it off the record. He had never been drunk before, he insisted, would not be drunk again; was conscientious in the performance of his duties and had been off duty at the time of the offence anyway.
He begged for leniency, pointing out what an unduly detrimental effect on his record such an entry on the log might have.

 

The captain remained adamant, “you were drunk last night and I cant change the fact. The record will stand’.

 

Much wounded by this the first mate resumed his duties. That night it fell to his lot to make the next entry in the log for a period of his watch. This he did, with what may be called a malicious scrupulousness of accuracy. Accordingly the captain next day found on the log that innocently damning statement, “The captain was sober last night”.
 

–Subham–

Fatness and Drinking Anecdotes (Post No.5110)

 

Compiled by LONDON SWAMINATHAN

 

Date: 14 JUNE 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  19-56  (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 5110

 

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The English artist C R W Nevinson tells,

“Sisley Huddleston and I were great friends. He was a man of enormous stature.   We have dined and wined together in all parts of Paris, roared with laughter, and teased ‘the girls’.  On one occasion Sisley, Clive Bell and I had eaten chicken and rice and had drunk wine with it.  Being a large man, Sisley had a large appetite.  We took one of those tiny Parisian taxis to Boulevard street St Germain and when we arrived outside we discovered that the rice had swelled so much inside Sisley that it was impossible for him to get out of the door. We pushed and pulled, but he seemed to be growing larger before our eyes; and at length the driver opened the roof, and Sisley came out through that and over the back.  By that time he and I and the driver were so hysterical with merriment that they refused us permission to the Brasserie Lipps in the belief that we were drunk; and Clive Bell who had stood by, shocked and exquisite, was furious because he had a rendezvous there with famous artist Derain.

Xxxx

Too big for the Door!

Years ago, when one of her sons was a cadet at Culver,  Madame Shumann Heink  went to visit him.  She was told where his dormitory was, and wishing to surprise him, she decided to go to his room unannounced.  Arriving at the dormitory she found it to be still under construction.  As she went through a door way, the silver of would caught on her dress and tore a small hole in it. A cadet, who happened to be passing by at that time, called out impudently,

“Madame you should have gone through that door sideways”.

Without taking offence, the heavily built singer laughed heartily,

“Mein got, child, I have no sideways”.

Xxx

Drinking Anecdotes

 

The temperance lecturer, having exhorted the audience with the full force of his eloquence, having demonstrated all the familiar tricks, such as the emersion of an angleworm in a glass of whisky with its consequent agonies, decided to cap the climax with a homely object lesson:

“If I put a pail of whisky and a pail of water in front of a hard-working donkey toiling in the fields, which would he drink?”

 

“The water, bellowed a lusty voice in the audience”.

“That is true, my friend”, said the lecturer.

“And why would he drink water?”

Because he is a jackass, was the immediate reply.

(Jackass= a stupid person or an ass/donkey)

 

Xxx

Let me out

No durance vile could be more pathetic than that suffered by the drunk who was found wandering agonizingly around and around on the sidewalk outside the fence which encloses Gramercy Park, beating upon the bars and screaming, “Let me out”.

Xxx

Two people Remained!

In the days of Nevada was a territory Bill Nye, the humourist was appointed Governor.  So he journeyed to Carson city to take over his duty, and the boys had  gotten together and decided to put the Easterner and his friend in their place by giving them a big banquet and drinking them under the table in short order.  The night of the banquet drinks and speeches flowed unceasingly for hours.  One by one those present slipped gracefully under their chairs and slumbered noisily beneath the tablecloths.

At a small hour of the night only two men were left in a state of consciousness and seated upright—Bill Nye and Mark Twain.

“Well, Bill”, said Twain, stretching and getting up from his chair, “lets go out of here somewhere and Get a drink”

xxx

 

Full, Half, Quarter…. Empty Whiskey Bottle

The representative of an auction house was sent to a home to take an inventory of the goods therein in preparation for a sale. The inventory had progressed in an orderly manner through many large items, such as , one walnut bedroom suite, then listed in detail, and similar items of furnishings.

At the top of this list was one quart scotch whiskey, full, the list continued, then appeared the item, one quart whiskey, partially full. The list continued; then appeared the item, one whiskey bottle, empty.

The final item on the list was, two revolving Turkish rugs!

XXX  SUBHAM XXX

 

 

 

More Loans and Banks Anecdotes (Post No.4980)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 5 May 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 9-02 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4980

 

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Written by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 5 May 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 8-32 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4980

 

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It is said that Henry Clay once asked the Riggs Bank for a 250 dollar loan on his personal note There was no reflection upon his credit , the bank replied, but it was a necessary formality in connection with this particular institution to have an endorser
Clay happened upon Daniel Webster and asked him if he would be kind enough to indorse for him.
Certainly, said Webster, but look here, I need some money myself. Why not make the note dollars and you and I will split it.
This was done, and to this day the note is in the Riggs Bank, unpaid.
Xxxx

  

Cicero and Cato

According to Cicero, when Cato (Roman Statesman 95 BCE) was asked what was the most profitable feature of an estate, he replied
Raising cattle success fully;
What next to that?
Raising cattle with fair success.
And next?
Raising cattle with but slight success
And fourth?
Raising crops.
And when his questioner said, How about money lending?
Cato replied, How about murder?

Xxxx

Chicago Bank Directors


A stranger in Chicago, a New Yorker ,stopped a little boy and asked him the way to Fifth National Bank, adding, Direct me there, son, I will give you a dollar.
Suppressing a grin the boy replied,
Ok boss, just follow me.
About half a block farther, the boy stopped and pointed to building nearest to them
Here you are, sir.
The man chagrined by his gullibility handed the boy the dollar but couldn’t help saying, That certainly was an easily earned dollar
That is right, said the boy, but don’t forget that bank directors in Chicago are highly paid.

Xxx

 

More Vice Presidents!

A man working as a teller in a bank bumped into an old friend of his one day.
Seeing that the bank teller seemed very preoccupied, the friend said,
What is the matter with you?
Well, there’s a lot of trouble down at the bank. We are going through a complete reorganisation
Why?
It seems we had more Vice presidents than depositors, replied the bank teller as he walked away.

Xxxx  SUBHAM xxx

MEN ARE SCOUNDRELS- ANECDOTES! (Post No.4958)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 28 APRIL 2018

 

Time uploaded in London – 16-36 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4958

 

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BEHAVIOUR AND EATING ANECDOTES

GEORGE CHEYNE, A SCOTCH PHYSICIAN, WHEN A PERSON WAS TALKING ABOUT THE EXCELLENCE OF HUMAN NATURE, EXCLAIMED:

“HOOT, HOOT, MAN!

HUMAN NATURE IS A ROGUE AND A SCOUNDREL, OR WHY SHOULD IT PERPETUALLY STAND IN NEED OF LAWS AND OF RELIGION”

 

XXX

 

EATING

At a certain dinner party Daniel Webster found himself preyed upon by hat type of hostess who endlessly and mercilessly worries her guests with the insistence that they are not eating enough, that possibly they do not like this or that, will they not have more, is there anything else they would prefer, and so forth.

 

“You are hardly eating a thing, Mr Webster”, she protested for the umpteenth time.

“Madam”, said Webster solemnly, “permit me to assure you that I sometimes eat more than at other times but never less”.

 

xxx

 

Time to eat!

Bishop Davidson of Winchester was once one of a party of ecclesiastics who went into dinner after a religious conference. One of the others observed in a tone of pompous self-righteousness, “This is the time to put a bridle on our appetites”.

No, returned the bishop, “this is the time to put a bit in our mouths”.

 

xxx

Why did I come to Africa?

 

“Why did I come to Africa?” Cecil Rhodes once remarked to a friend, “Well they will tell you that I came on account of my health or from love of adventure – and to some extent that may be true, but the real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton”.

 

xxx

Strawberries and Prunes!

In his early boarding-house days, in Kansas city, Eugene Field was invited to dine at a hospitable house where the best of everything was to be found. Some delicious strawberries were passed. Filed gazed at them longingly but shook his head.

“Why, Mr Field”, said his host in surprise, “ don’t you like strawberries?”

I dote on them.

Then why don’t you take some?

“I am afraid”, said the poet sadly, “that if I did, they would spoil my appetite for prunes”.

xxx

Charles Lamb

Thomas Hood, tempting Charles Lamb to dine with his said, “We have a hare”.

“Ad how many friends”, anxiously inquired Lamb.

 

xxx

Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock is a man notably fond of food. He is said to have once been a guest at a rather sparsely furnished dinner table, which had yielded him no more than a small portion of one thing or another amounting to a totally unsatisfactory sum. As the coffee was being brought in, his host said, “I do hope that you will soon dine here again”.

“By all means”, said Hitchcock. “Let us start now”

–Subham–

Poor Preacher, Baptist Fish, Fool’s Signature- More Interesting Anecdotes (Post No.4866)

Poor Preacher, Baptist Fish, Fool’s Signature- More Interesting Anecdotes (Post No.4866)

 


COMPILED by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 30 MARCH 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  7-45 am (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4866

 

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Poor Preacher!

Jerome D.Engel, the famous Baptist preacher, was once vacationing at a well -known shore resort. One of the local churches had expected to have its pulpit filled on Sunday morning by a “supply” or visiting minister. At the last minute, the visitor was unable to appear, and the church found itself with no one to conduct the services.

 

The leaders of the church scurried around distractedly in search of a preacher, and were unable to find anyone. At last to chancing to hear of the presence in town of the eminent divine, one of the church members sought out Engel and begged for his

services.

 

Delighted and relieved, the committeeman said, “You know, Dr Engel, we’d have been willing to accept a poorer preacher, but it was impossible to find one.”

 

xxx

Fool’s Signature

Reverend Henry Ward Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it and contained the single word, “Fool”. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

“I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter”.

 

xxx

 

More Repentance!!

 

xxx Bursting with her news, Mrs Meadows hurried to her neighbour’s house.

 

Have you heard, Mrs Smith? The minister’s son has decided to become a jockey. Of course you know that he was supposed to go to the Theological Seminary this year.

 

Mrs Smith, more of the woman of the world than her friend, replied drily,

Well, I must say that he will bring a lot more people to repentance that way than he would as a minister.

 

xxx

 

Baptist Fish

Jerome D Engel, the famous Southern Baptist divine, was strolling along the sea walk during a Church Convention at Charleston. He came upon an old colored man who was fishing from the pier. For some time Engel watched the Negro patiently waiting for a bite. At last he pulled in a fish of repulsive appearance, seeming to be something between a toad and a bullhead. Knowing little about so worldly a matter as fishing, Engle asked,

What kind of fish is that, George?

“Dey call it a Baptist fish”, croaked the old man.

“A Baptist Fish? inquired Engle sceptically.

“Sho”, answered the fisherman, throwing his catch back into the sea,

“ Dey calls dem dat ‘cause dey spoils so fast after dey is taken out of water”.

 

xxx

Specifications of a Good Minister!

The Reverend Doctor Edgar Dewitt Jones propounded the specifications of a good minister (preacher):

“He should get religion like a Methodist;

experience it like a Baptist;

be sure of it like a Disciple;

stick to it like a Lutheran;

pray for it like a Presbyterian;

conciliate it like a Congregationalist;

glorify it like a Jew;

be proud of it like an Episcopalian;

practise it like a Christian Scientist;

propagate it like a Roman Catholic;

work for it like a Salvation Army lassie;

enjoy it like a colored man.”

 

–Subham–

 

 

ANECDOTES ABOUT CHRISTIAN PREACHERS (Post No.4862)

COMPILED by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 29 MARCH 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  14-48 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4862

 

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Heaven and Hell Deal

A new clergyman in town sought the services of the best local physician, a man irregular in his church attendance. The medical treatment was prolonged, and the young pastor, worried over the accumulating expense, spoke to the doctor about the matter of his bill.

 

I will tell you what I will do, Pastor, said the doctor.

I hear you ae a pretty good preacher and you seem to think that I am a fair doctor. W will make a bargain. I will do all I can to keep you out of Heaven and you do all you can to keep me out of Hell, and it wont cost either of us a cent.

Sunday Amusement

Henry Ward Beecher asked Park Benjamin, the poet and humourist, why he never came to preach. Benjamin replied,

Why, Beecher, the fact is, I have conscientious scruples against going to places of amusement on Sunday.

 

People’s Voice went against Jesus!

John Wesley, in a considerable party, had been maintaining with great earnestness the doctrine of vox Populi vox Dei against his sister. At last the preacher, to put an end to the controversy, said, I tell you sister, the voce of the people is the voice of God.

Yes, replied his sister mildly, “it cried: Crucify him! crucify him”.

 

Zeal and Vigour!!!

A young minister who was temporarily filling a city pulpit made the following request in his prayers:

May the brother who ministers to this flock be filled full of fresh veal and new zigor”

Christian Life

Can I lead a good Christian life in New York City on $15 a week? a young man once asked Dr S Parkes Cadman.

My boy, was the reply, that’s all you can do

 

Illiterate preacher!

I am thankful that the Lord has opened my mouth to preach without any ‘larning’, an illiterate preacher.

A similar event took place in Balaam’s time, replied a gentleman present.

 

Religious Dispute

John Wilkes was once asked  a Roman Catholic gentleman in a warm dispute on religion:

Where was your religion before Luther?

Did you wash your face this morning? inquired the facetious alderman.

I did ,sir

Then pray where was your face before it was washed?

 

Idiot’s Vocation

Sydney Smith, the clergyman, had a combat of wit with a friend. His defeated antagonist intending to cast a slur on Smith’s vocation, fired back,

If I had a son who was an idiot I would make him a parson.

Your father was of a different opinion, was Sydney Smith’s answering thrust.

 

 

–Subham–

Sin and Sinners Anecdotes (Post No.4759)

Date: 18 FEBRUARY 2018

 

Time uploaded in London- 17-41

 

Written by London swaminathan

 

Post No. 4759

 

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Some religious anecdotes from an old book:-

1.Prohibitions and restrictions

A little lesson in morality was imparted to the youngster who asked his father

What is a necessary evil?

One that we like so much we don’t want to abolish it, replied his parent.

 

Xxx

2.Sin and Sinners

An old Negro preacher, wearied of the many complaints he heard about the temptations placed in the paths of the members of his congregation by Satan:

“Folks is all de time making out dat Satan is running after them fo’ to tempt them. De truth is , dere is so many people pulling at the Debil’s coattails, he ain’t got de time to chase nobody”.

 

Xxx

God can see all the Doors!

In the days of the great Edwin Booth, most ministers considered it a sin to attend theatrical performances. However, one clergyman, anxious to see the great actor  perform, sent Mr Booth a letter asking if he might be permitted to enter the theatre by a private door as he did not wish anyone to see him going into such a place.

Booths’s reply

“Sir, there is no door in my theatre through which god cannot see”.

 

Xxxx

Prayers

Bion was sailing in a vessel, when great storm came on. The mariners, who were wicked and dissolute fellows, called upon the gods; but Bion said,

“Peace; let them not know you are here”.

 

Xxx

 

Tell God that I did it!

After the capture of Ticonderoga, Ethan Allan, the American patriot, hurried home to his family in Bennington, Vermont, and while there attended a Thanks giving service at the old First Church.  Town history says during the long prayer in which the Rev Mr Dewey was giving all the credit for the victory to the Lord, Allen interrupted:

“Parson Dewey, Parson Dewey!”

At the third call, the minister paused and opened his eyes.

“Please, said Allen, mention to the Lord about my being there”.

 

Xxxx Subham xxxx

 

Christian Conversion Anecdotes (Post No.4693)

Date: 2 FEBRUARY 2018

 

Time uploaded in London- 11-59 am

 

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Post No. 4693

 

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WITH YOU.

 

I gave everything to my sister!

 

A woman was testifying of her conversion in a revival meeting She said,

I was very foolish and vain. Worldly pleasures, especially the fashions were my only thought,

I was fond of silk, satins, ribbons and laces. But my friends, when I saw they were dragging me down to perdition I gave them all to my sister.

 

Xxxx

 

Navy of the Lord!

A young man who had formerly attended Dr Bethune’s meetings , after an absence of a few years called upon him and said,

Dr Bethune, I have become a Christian since I saw you, and have joined the army of the   Lord.

I am very glad to hear it,

said the doctor, and added, with what denomination have you become connected?

The Baptists.

“Oh, the Baptists”, said Dr Bethune,

Why they are not the army, but the Navy of the Lord.

((Baptists are Christians distinguished by baptizing professing believers only (believer’s baptism, as opposed to infant baptism), and doing so by complete immersion (as opposed to affusion or sprinkling))

Xxxx

 

Brandy is better than Water!

A Methodist in America, bragging how well he had instructed some Indians in religion, asked one of them,

If he had not found great comfort last Sunday after receiving the sacrament.

 

“Aye, master, replied the savage, but I wished it had been brandy”.

(wine or water or bread is given during sacrament)

Xxxx

Water is Good, but…

George Cruikshank having become a teetotaller, showed all the vehement zeal of a convert. Douglas Jarrold, meeting him, shortly after his conversion, exclaimed,

Now George, remember that the water is very good anywhere except upon the brain

 

Xxxx

During the Civil war, the late Colonel Gabe Boucher organised a regiment which he controlled as a dictator.

I am a humble servant of the Lord, said an itinerant evangelist who had wandered into camp one day, endeavouring to save the souls of the unfortunate.  I have just left the camp of the Massachusetts, where I was instrumental in leading eight men into paths of righteousness

Adjutant, thundered Colonel Bouch, after a moment’s pause, detail ten men for baptism. Nod — D Massachusetts regiment shall beat mine for piety.”

Xxxx SUBHAM xxx

 

MUSIC WONDERS: MOZART AND NIETZSHE (Post No. 4502)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 16 DECEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  7-58 am

 

 

Post No. 4502

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WHO WAS MOZART?

Johann Chrysostom Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart  (1756-1791) was Austrian composer and performer, who showed astonishing precocity as a child and was an adult virtuoso.

 

WHO WAS NIETZSHE?

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) was a German Philosopher who rejected the accepted absolute moral values and the slave morality of Christianity. He argued that God is dead and therefore people were free to create their own values.

    

Mozart’s retort

A lad once asked Mozart how to write a symphony. Mozart said, “you are a very young man. Why not begin with ballads?”

The aspirant urged, “You composed symphonies when you were ten years old.”

“Yes”, replied Mozart, “but I didn’t ask ‘How?’

 

xxx

Nietzsche

When Nietzsche one day observed to Wagner that in ‘Figaro’ Mozart had invented the music of intrigue.

Wagner replied, “On the contrary! In ‘Figaro’ Mozart dissolved the intrigue in music”.

(intrigue: mysterious or fascinating quality)

xxxx

Fabulous Memory

The composer, Gounod, had a fabulous memory. When he was about 19 he had attended a rehearsal of ‘Romeo et Juliette’ which was still in manuscript and was being directed by the composer, Berlioz. The next day he called upon Berlioz, sat at the piano and proceeded to play the entire finale of the opera from memory.

The composer stared at him in terror and astonishment. Had his work been pirated? Was it some incredible coincidence?

“Where the devil did you get the music?”, he demanded.

“At your rehearsal yesterday,” replied Gunod.

 

xxx

Elegy to George Gershwin

When an American composer, George Gershwin, died, a man of sentiment combined with musical aspirations wrote an elegy in his honour. He sought out Oscar Levant. Reluctantly Levant granted him a hearing. Eagerly the man rendered the piece with his own hands and then turned expectantly toward Levant seeking approbation.

 

I think it would have been better, Levant said, if you had died and Gershwin had written the elegy.

 

Xxx

I was the abominable Creature!

At premiere performance of Caesar Frank’s symphony, the gentle, benign old composer, who had seldom ventured out of his organ loft, was seated in the audience. The stupid and blasé assemblage were hostile to this fine work which did not until later read find its proper appreciation.

One pompous and arrogant woman, who chanced to be seated directly behind the composer, remarked loudly in the interim between two of the movements,

“Who is the creature who writes this abominable music?”

The gentle Frank turned around in his seat and said courteously,

“Madam, it is I”.

 

Xxx SUBHAM xxx

 

 

 

Opera and Concerts Anecdotes (Post No.4485)

Compiled by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 12 DECEMBER 2017 

 

Time uploaded in London-  19-24

 

 

Post No. 4485

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Mouths wide open; eyes staring!

Walking with a friend one day, Fritz Kreisler passed a large fish shop where a fine catch of codfish, with mouths open and eyes staring, were arranged in a row. Kreisler suddenly stopped, looked at them, and clutching his friend by the arm exclaimed,

“Heavens! That reminds me — I should be playing at a concert!”

 

Xxx

Hired Audience!

So dependent on the adulation of the audiences was Franz Litsz that he is said to have paid women 25 Franks to faint at the concerts. The swoon was always timed to occur just before the climax of his most popular run. Litsz would stoop from his piano stool , pick up the swooner and leave the rest of the audience impressed by his brilliance and dismayed by their own stolidity. Once, however, the hired fainter forgot to faint. Liszt s fingers flew up the keys — but he could not finish the run. So, he fainted himself!

 

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No Taste for Music

 

Joseph Choate, the lawyer, had no taste for music. Once he was persuaded by his daughter to accompany her to the opera. He looked at the libretto helplessly and said,

Helen, expound to me this record lest I dilate with the wrong emotion.

 

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True Listeners!

 

After his concert at a Midwestern town, Paderewski was found backstage in a silent, preoccupied mood. One of his aides asked if he were ill.

No, no, the great musician replied, but some friends were missing. The grey hired couple. They were not in their usual seats in the fourth row.

The aide was surprised. I didn’t know you had friends in this town. Did you know them well?

I knew them very well, explained Penderecki, but I never met them. I liked the way they listened. Every time I have played here for 20 years I have always played for them. He shook his head gravely. I hope there is nothing seriously wrong.

 

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Lower Classes like Music more

According to C R W Nevinson , it was a privilege to paint Mark Hambourg , a dear friend. Never have I met a man with such a gift for penetrating to the heart of things and by the use of a few vivid phrases he will lift any conversation out of the ordinary. I remember sitting beside him in an after dinner concert, when Moiseivitch was playing. The audience, all men and women of culture were anything but attentive, smoking, drinking, coughing, picking wriggling, but the waiters and waitresses stood entranced, their eyes on the master.

Look, said Mark, look at effects of education. It kills all concentration. The lower classes are the only people left who can listen and can respond to the highest emotions.

 

Xxx SUBHAM Xxx