Abraham Lincoln refused go to Heaven or Hell! Evangelists Jokes! (Post No.6563)

compiled by London  Swaminathan


Date: 17 June 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –  19-

Post No. 6563

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Strategy Anecdotes and Panchatantra Story! (Post No.4036)

Written by London Swaminathan
Date: 29 June 2017
Time uploaded in London- 10-06 am
Post No. 4036

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All of us know the Panchatantra story written in Sanskrit 2000 years ago where the crows took revenge upon the owls by setting fire to their nests in the night. Tiruvalluvar, in his Tamil Veda Tirukkural (Kural couplet 481) also referred to that story.

We also know that Asvattama watched this and adopted the same technique to kill the Pandava family members (see Mahabharata)

We also know that the greatest Brahmin poet Kabilar, who is the biggest contributor to Sangam Tamil corpus, trained the birds to fetch grains to the Parambu Hills when the three mighty Tamil kings laid a siege to the Parambu Nadu of the philanthropist chieftain Pari (Ref.Akam 78 and Akam 303 sung by Nakkiran and Avvai)

Last but not the least, it reminds us of Hanuman burning the city of Lanka with his tail, which was set on fire by Ravana’s men.


Since I have written about all these episodes I am not going to repeat it. But something similar happened just 1000 years ago in England. Read the anecdote given below:


The Norwegian king, Harold Hardrada, who lost his life in the battle of Stamford Bridge in 1066, fought for some time under the banner of the Byzantine emperors. On one of his expeditions to Sicily, he came with his army to a populous town, to which he laid siege. The walls, however, were so strong that he began to doubt whether it would be possible to make a breach in them; and the burghers had plenty of provisions, and everything which they needed for their defence.


Harold, therefore ordered his fowlers to catch the small birds that nested in the town, and flew to the forest during the day in quest of food. He then caused splinters of inflammable wood, smeared with wax and sulphur , to be fastened on their backs and enkindled. The birds, when set at liberty, flew immediately to the town to revisit their young and their nests on the rooftops of the houses, which were thatched with straw and reeds. The fire fell from, the birds on the thatch, and although each bore but a small quantity, their number was so great that one house after another began to burn, until the whole town was in flames. The inhabitants then came out and implored mercy, and Harold thus got possession of the town.


Abraham Lincoln’s Discovery!


After Lee had taken Harpers ferry, the President realising how great it was a calamity to the Northern Arms, determined if possible to fix the responsibility. Halle know was summoned but did not know where the blame lay.


Very well, said Lincoln, I will ask general Schenck. The latter could throw no light upon the question further than to say he was not to blame. Milroy was the next to be called to the presence of the commander in chief, and to enter a plea of not guilty. Hooker was next given a hearing, and Fighting Joe made an emphatic disclaimer of al. responsibility.


Then the president assembled the four in his room and said,

Gentlemen, Harpers ferry was surrendered, and none of you, it seems, is responsible. I am very anxious to discover who is. After striding across the room several times, the President suddenly threw up his bowed head and exclaimed, I have it! I know who is responsible.

Who, Mr President; who is it? anxiously inquired the distinguished quartet.

Gentlemen, said the president,

General Lee is the man




Courage and Cowardice Anecdotes (Post No.3863)

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 29 APRIL 2017

Time uploaded in London:- 10-24 am

Post No. 3863

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I don’t want to Run

An Athenian , who was lame in one foot , was laughed at by the soldiers on account of his lameness.

“I am here to fight, said he, not to run”, said the Athenian.



Fighters deserve Liberty!

Brasidass, the famous Lacedemonian general caught a mouse. It bit him, and by that means made its escape.

“Oh!” Said he,

“What creature so contemptible but may have its liberty if it will fight for it.”




As Hugh Latimer and Nicholas Ridley, the English reformers were led to the stake, Latimer said to Ridley

“We shall this day light such a candle, by god’s grace , in England as I trust shall never be put out.”



Cowardice Anecdotes


A French colonel had one day punished a young officer, just arrived from Saint Cyr, for showing fear during his first battle. Marshal Foch to whose notice it came severely reprimanded the disciplinarian.

“Colonel”, said he, “none but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear”.



I will Die but Once!

When Caeser was advised by his friends to be more cautious as to the security of his person , and not to walk among the people without arms or anyone to protect him, he replied,

“He who lives in the fear of death, every moment feels its tortures ; I will die but once”.


Assassinating! Not that bold!

When a certain politician was spoken of as capable of assassinating anyone, Talleyrand remarked,

“Assassinating, no! Poisoning, yes.”



Lame Excuse!

The evening before a battle an officer came to ask Marshal Toiras for permission to go and see his father who was at the point of death.

“Go”, said the general who saw through his pretext ,

“Honour thy father and thy mother, and thy days may be long on earth”.



Cowards Run!


Lincoln was often the despair of his generals because of his lenient treatment of cases where soldiers were absent without leave.

“If the good Lord has given a man a cowardly pair of legs”,

Lincoln reasoned, “it is hard to keep them from running away with him”.


Xxxx SUBHAM xxx

Elections Anecdotes (Post No.3621)


Compiled by London swaminathan


Date: 9 FEBRUARY 2017


Time uploaded in London:- 18-06


Post No. 3621



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My Vote for You!

There is the story of a Yankee farmer who promised his vote to the Democratic candidate for Selectman and ten minutes later promised it to the Republican nominee. To his wife’s rebuke he replied cannily,

“Did you notice how pleased each of the candidates were?”


“Well, I pleased them both, and on Election Day I will please myself, and then we shall all be pleased together”.



Public offices anecdotes 


The typically parliamentary mind suffers considerably from the necessity of departing from orderly procedure. This was clearly demonstrated in the meeting of the Town Council of a small city on the West coast of USA. The session was interrupted by a mild earthquake shock, and all present hastened out of the building to safety.

The clerk found himself severely perplexed by the problem of concluding his formal minutes of the meeting in the proper manner. After mulling over the problem for a considerable length of time, he was inspired to the following conclusion:

“On motion of the City Hall, the Council adjourned”.




I am ready to walk: Lincoln

Lincoln was once asked if he did not find the office of the presidency with all its attendant ceremonies rather tiresome at times.

Lincoln replied, “Yes, sometimes. In fact I feel sometimes like a man who was ridden out of town on a rail and said “If it wasn’t for the honour of the thing, I would rather walk”.




God and Abraham Lincoln!

John Bach McMaster , the historian, told this story of Abraham Lincoln.

When he was a very small boy he was taken to a reception at the White House . The guests were lined up and led past the president under the watchful eyes of the ushers. No one was allowed to come very close or shake his hand. One old man who had come a long distance just for this occasion was very disappointed at not having shaken hands with  the President.

Just before leaving the line the old timer waved his hat at the president and shouted, “Mr President, I am from up in York state where we believe that God Almighty and Abraham Lincoln are going to save the country”.

Jovially the president waved back at him ,”My friend, you are half right, was his reply”.


Lincoln’s Knowledge of History!

Jefferson Davis insisted on being recognised by his official title as commander or President in the regular negotiations with the US Government. This Mr Lincoln would not consent to.

Mr Hunte there upon referred to the correspondence between King Charles the first and his parliament as a precedent for a negotiation between a constitutional government and rebels. Mr Lincoln’s face then wore that indescribable expression which generally preceded his hardest hits, and he remarked ,”Upon questions of history, I must refer you to Mr Seward for he is posted on such things and I don’t profess to be; but my only distinct recollection of the matter is that Charles lost his head”.





Compiled by London Swaminathan


Date: 21 October 2016


Time uploaded in London: 9-24 AM


Post No.3274


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President Jackson

During nullification in South Carolina, after President Jackson’s proclamation, the Governor of Virginia sent a request to the President, in case it became necessary to send United States troops down South, not to send them through the State. If he did, they would have to pass over the Governor’s dead body.


The President received the message and replied: “If it becomes necessary for the United States troops to go to South Carolina, I, as commander-in-chief of the army, will be at their head. I will march them by the shortest route. They may pass through Virginia; but if the governor makes it necessary to pass over his dead body, it will be found that I will have previously taken off both ears.


Lincoln’s Victorious Walk!

Richmond fell. Lincoln himself entered the city on foot, accompanied only by a few officers and a squad of sailors who had rowed him ashore from the flotilla in the James River, a Negro picked up on the way serving as a guide. Never had the world seen a more modest conqueror and a less characteristic triumphal procession no army with banners and drums, only a throng of those who had been slaves hastily run together, escorting the victorious chief into the capital of the vanquished foe. We are told that they pressed around him, kissed his hands and his garments and shouted and danced with joy, while tears ran down the President’s care-furrowed cheeks.



Advancing Backwards!

Near the end of the Civil War, when the Confederate forces were falling back on Richmond, an old Negro asked by his mistress for encouraging news, replied.

“Well, missy, due to de lie of de land where dey’s fightin’, dem Yankees is retreatin’ forward, while we is advancin’ backwards.”


The prayer of a Unitarian preacher in Massachusetts during the Civil War

“Oh, God, we pray thee to bless the rebels. Bless their hearts with sincere repentance. Bless their armies with defeat. Bless their social condition by emancipation.






Louis Fischer, editor and correspondent, tells the story that at a dinner-party in England the guests were discussing the fact that the cigarettes were worse since the war started and the transportation, food, and indeed everything was worse.

“Only the people are better,” someone observed.



Lincoln’s Story

During a public “reception”, a farmer from one of the counties of Virginia told President Lincoln, that the Union soldiers, in passing his farm, had helped themselves not only to hay, but to his horse, and he hoped the President would urge the proper officer to consider his claim immediately.

Mr. Lincoln said that this reminded him of an old acquaintance of his, “Jack” Chase, a lumberman on the Illinois, a steady, sober man and the best raftsman on the river. It was quite a trick to take the logs over the rapids; but he was skilful with a raft and always kept her straight in the channel. Finally, a steamer was put on, and Jack was made captain of her. He always used to take the wheel, going through the rapids. One day, when the boat was plunging and wallowing along the boiling current, and Jack’s utmost vigilance was being exercised to keep the narrow channel, a boy pulled his coat-tail and hailed him with:

“Say, Mr. Captain! I wish you would just stop your boat a minute. I’ve lost my apple overboard.



Lip Sympathy only!

President Lincoln was bothered to death by those persons who boisterously demanded that the War be pushed vigorously also, those who shouted their advice and opinions into his weary ears, but who never suggested anything practical. These fellows were not in the army nor did they ever take any interest, in a personal way, in military affairs, except when engaged in dodging drafts.


“That reminds me remarked Mr. Lincoln one day, “of a farmer who lost his way on the Western frontier. Night came on, and the embarrassments of his position were increased by a furious tempest which suddenly burst upon him. To add to his discomfort, his horse had given out, leaving him exposed to all the dangers of the pitiless storm.


“The peals of thunder were terrific, the frequent flashes of lightning affording the only guide on the road as he resolutely trudged onward, leading his jaded steed. The earth seemed fairly to tremble beneath in the elements. One bolt threw him suddenly upon his knees.


“Our traveller was not a prayerful man, but finding himself involuntarily brought to an attitude of devotion, addressed himself to the Throne of Grace in the following prayer for his deliverance.


“O God! hear my prayer this time, for Thou knowest it is not often that I call upon Thee. And O,Lord! If it is not all the same to Thee, give us a little more light and a little noise.


“I wish,” the President said, sadly, “there was a stronger disposition manifested on the part of our civilian warriors to unite in suppressing the rebellion and a little less noise as to how and by whom the chief executive office shall be administered.”


Picasso’s Poverty (Post No 3148)

Pablo Picasso Postage Stamp

CZECHLOVOKIA – CIRCA 1972: A postage stamp printed in Czechlovokia showing Pablo Picasso, circa 1972

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 12 September 2016

Time uploaded in London: 14-03

Post No.3148

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At one time Pablo Picasso was so poor that he had Max Jacob occupied the same bed in turns. Jacob, who besides being a cultivated poet, was an impoverished novelty shop clerk, slept at night while Picasso worked. When Jacob got up in the morning to let Picasso go to bed, the floor would be carpeted with drawings, which Jacob had to walk on and from which his foot prints later had to be cleaned by art experts, since every early Picasso fragment eventually became so valuable that it could be sold.




Hogarth, the celebrated engraver, died, as he had for the greater part of his life lived, in the greatest poverty. Within a few days of his dissolution, bailiffs were sent to seize the bed on which he lay, for a small debt which he was unable to discharge.

“Spare me”, said the expiring artist, “my bed for a little while – only I can find another in the grave”.






A New York firm applied to Abraham Lincoln , some years before he was President, for information as to the financial standing of one of his neighbours. Here was the answer:

“Yours of the 10th received. First of all he has a wife and baby; together they ought to be worth 500,000 dollars, to any man. Secondly, he has an office in which there is a table worth 1-50 dollars and three chairs worth, say 1-00 dollar. Last of all, there is in one corner a large rat hole, which will bear looking into.”




Poverty Anecdotes (Post No. 3104)

holes in socks

Compiled by London Swaminathan


Date: 30 August 2016


Time uploaded in London: 9–53 AM


Post No.3104


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Comedian’s Poverty

Ned Shutter ,the 18th century comedian, was often very poor, and being more negligent than poor, was careless about his dress. A friend overtaking him one day in the street said to him,  “Why Ned, are you not ashamed to walk the streets with twenty holes in your stockings? Why don’t you get them mended?”

“No, my friend”, said Ned,

“I am above it and if you have the pride of a gentleman you will act like me, and walk with twenty holes, rather than have one darn”.

“How?” replied the other, “how do you make that out?”

“Why, replied Ned, a hole is the accident of the day, but a darn is a premeditated poverty”.




Lincoln’s Poverty

When Abraham Lincoln once was asked to tell the story of his life, he replied, “it is contained in one line of Gray’s ‘Elegy in a Country Church Yard’:

“The short and simple annals of the poor.”




Edgar Allan Poe’s Poverty

In December 1846, Edgar Allan Poe, being in the direst need, inserted a notice in ‘The Express’:

“We regret to learn that Edgar A.Poe and his wife are dangerously ill with the consumption (T.B.), and that the hand of misfortune lies heavy upon their temporal affairs. We are sorry to mention the fact that they are so far reduced as to be hardly able to obtain the necessitates of life. This is indeed a hard lot, and we hope the friends and admirers of M Poe will come promptly to his assistance in his bitterest hour of need.”




Writer’s Poverty

During his early newspaper days in Chicago, George Ade was accustomed to pawn a large old-fashioned gold watch every Monday morning, to tide him over that trying period between weekly pay checks.

Many years later, when he had become nationally known and attained a certain degree of affluence, Ade met his old pawn broker friend on the street.

“Why, George”, asked the old pawn broker “what happened to you? I haven’t seen you in years. Did you lose your watch?”



Mark Twain’s Poverty

When Mark Twain was a young and struggling newspaper write in San Francisco, a lady of his acquaintance saw him one day with a cigar box under his looking in a shop window.

Mr.Clemens (Mark Twain), she said, I always see you with a cigar box under your arm. I am afraid you are smoking too much.

“It is not that I am moving again, said Mark


m twain


Quarrelsomeness Anecdotes

Keats was a famous little fighter, less in truculent self-assertiveness than by way of high chivalry and defence of the right.

According to his school fellow. E Holmes , “He would be fighting anyone — morning, noon and night, his brother among the rest. It was meat and drink for him.”




Quick thinking Anecdotes (Post No.3049)




Compiled by london swaminathan

Date: 10th    August 2016

Post No. 3049

Time uploaded in London :– 17-45

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A teacher of psychology, F.L .Thomason of San Francisco was accosted by a hold up man late one night. Thinking quickly Thomason asked the thief for a dime, and started a rambling hard luck story. Astonished, the bandit admitted his original intention and gave his intended victim a ten cent piece. The professor went home with his dime and the 200 dollars that was in his wallet.


Pope and Young Man

Alexander Pope, sneering at the ignorance of a young man,asked him if he knew what an interrogation was?

“Yes,sir, said he, it is a little crooked thing that asks questions .”


Robertson and Johnson

Dr Robertson observed that Dr Johnson s jokes were the rebukes of the righteous, described in Scripture as being like an excellent oil

“Yes, exclaimed, Edmund Burke, oil of vitriol”.


Duke of Cumberland

The Duke of Cumberland being once in company with Samuel Foote, was so delighted with the wit of the actor, that he said,

“Mr Foote,  I swallow all the good things you say”

“Do you, replied Foote, then your royal highness has an excellent digestion, for you never bring any of them up again”.




When practising law in Illinois, Lincoln was sent a subscription paper in behalf of the worn out trouser seat of his opponent He returned the paper with the remarks, I refuse to subscribe to the end in view.


Ugly English Word ‘Lie’! Liar Anecdotes (Post No.2976)

lies image

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date:16 July 2016

Post No. 2976

Time uploaded in London :– 8-09 AM

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Speaker Reed, Ambassador Choate and Senator Westcott were chatting together one evening.  Mr Choate said with great solemnity “Well, gentlemen, I have not drunk whiskey, played cards for money, or attended a horse race in twenty eighth years”.

“My gracious!, exclaimed Senator Westcott admiringly.

I wish I could say that.”

“Why don’t you?, blandly inquired Mr Reed.

“Choate did”.




Churchil’s LIE


A generation ago, when Prime minister Winston Churchill was still a member of the Liberal Party, he rose in Commons to defend his party against the charge that they had deliberately misrepresented the Conservative party.  The Liberals have accused The Conservative party of practising slavery in South Africa because they kept negro labourers behind barbed wire compounds under severe restrictions.


Churchill remarked, “I admit the term slavery might be a terminological inexactitude”.

At this Joseph Chamberlain,father of the late prime minister Neville Chamberlain, interrupted,

“I prefer the ugly little English three letter word – l i e”





A certain young California politician, notorious for lying, had once been unwittingly led into speaking the truth. Noah Brooks was explaining the situation to President Lincoln, who immediately reminded himself of a story, saying that he recalled a similar circumstance about a negro barber in Illinois, who was a great liar. A crowd in front of a barber shop stood one evening gazing with admiration at the planet Jupiter.


“Sho, said the barber, I have seen that star before. I seen him way down in Georgy”,said Lincoln, like your California friend, he told the truth, but thought he was lying.”





easter island

Compiled by london swaminathan

Date: 7 April, 2016


Post No. 2703


Time uploaded in London :–  19-10


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Modesty Anecdotes

Cato, the Roman statesman (95 BCE), on observing that statues were being set up in honour of many remarked, “I would rather people ask, why is not there a statue to Cato, than why there’s”.


Mr President!

Abraham Lincoln was free from the usual official vanity. He rather shrank from than courted the official title of Mr President, and generally referred to his office as “this place”, “since I have been in this place” or “since I came here”.

Referring at one time to the apartment reserved in the Capitol for him, he called it “the room, you know, that they call the President’s room.”

Once he pleaded with some old Illinois friends who addressed him as “Mr President”,
“Now call me Lincoln, and I will promise not to tell of the breach of etiquette”.


book shelf

Male and Female author books on the same shelf!!!

Madame de Genlis carried her purity of Manners to such an extent, that she reprimanded the book seller who had the arrangement of her library, for having placed books written by male and female authors on the same shelf.


Boot Polishing Lincoln!


A man came upon Lincoln blacking his boots in the basement of the White House. He expressed astonishment that the President of the United States should be at such a menial task.

“What! Mr. President,” he exclaimed, “are you blacking your own boots?”

“Who else’s should I be blacking?” Lincoln’s laconic reply.


boot polishing


Most Immodest Lady!

When conversation in a company in which Dr Johnson was present had fallen upon rather a delicate topic, one of the ladies, with an expression of great displeasure, rose and left the room.
“That woman”, said the doctor, “is the most immodest of all the company”.


If there is Fire, I first!

F.W.Wile tells how, “Once when a group of Washington newspaper men wanted Secretary of State Hughes to attend a dinner at which a number of first rank foreign statesmen were to be present I was a committee of one to ask him where he wished to be seated at table. That was long before Dollie Gann an Alice Longworth all but caused social civil war in Washington over dinner table precedence. “You need never worry about that in my case”, Hughes said, “The only place I ever want to be first is at a fire!”


Modesty of Principal Cairns

A characteristic story is told of the great Principal Cairns, one of the most simple- minded and humble of men. Attending a great public meeting on one occasion in Edinburgh, which was densely crowded, his appearance on the platform was received with loud cheers. Never imagining that it was for himself, he turned and saw following him a man of diminutive stature, and totally unknown.

Taking him to be the object of popular applause, he stepped aside to let him pass, and as he did so began an enthusiastically to join in the clapping. The act, so characteristic of the man, was received with uproarious delight, and fairly brought down the house.