JEWISH (RABBIS) JOKES ! (Post No.4918)

WRITTEN by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 15 April 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  21-54 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4918

 

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Converted to New Religion and yet No Office!

 

A place hunter in Prussia (part of Old Germany and Poland), having asked the Frederick the Great for the grant of some rich Protestant Bishopric (office), the king expressed his regret that it was already given away, broadly hinted that there was a Catholic abbacy at his disposal.

 

The applicant managed to be converted in a week and to be received in the bosom of the true church; after which he hastened to his friend, the king, and told him how his conscience has been enlightened.

“Ah”, exclaimed Frederick, “how terribly unfortunate! I have given away the abbacy. But the chief rabbi is just dead, and the synagogue is at my disposal; suppose you were to turn Jew?”

 

xxx

Rabbis in Zoo!

Applying for a post as keeper at the Bronx Zoo, a burly Irishman came to the question,

What is rabies and what can you do about it?

The applicant wrote: :Rabies is Jewish priests, and you cant do anything about it.”

 

(Rabies= a contagious and fatal viral disease of dogs and other mammals; transmissible to humans through the saliva to humans causing madness and convulsions;

Rabbis= Jewish religious leader, scholar, teacher).

 

xxx

Rabbi is Stupid!

A certain Jewish man had left Pinsk to go to work in Minsk. For six months, he had been away. He had a short vacation and was very anxious to get back home to see his wife and children It was late on a Friday afternoon, however, and his friend said,

Look, you shouldn’t travel on the Sabbath. It is against religion. Stay over with me until the Sabbath is over. Be my guest.”

No said the other, I am anxious to get back to Pinsk. Six months I have been away.

Six months, said his friend, so what is another day? You shouldn’t travel on the Sabbath. Stay with me. I have got a nice house. I will give you nice Jewish meals.

After much argument, the man yielded against his better judgement, and remained over the Sabbath. Even then his friend would not let him go ad insisted on detaining him yet another day, entertaining him practically to exhaustion. At last he announced his departure.

I can’t stay another minute. I am going right away.

All right, said his host at last, and as his friend was about to leave the house he presented him with a bill for food and lodging. Outraged, the man cried, What kind of a business is this? You make me stay against my will; you won’t let me go. You insist that I should be your guest. You keep me overtime – then you give me a bill! I won’t pay it.

 

Equally firmly, his host insisted that he must pay. Finally he said, All right. We will consult the Rabbi.

They sought out the Rabbi. He heard the whole story, stroked his beard and pored at length over the Books of Law. At last, after recapitulating, the whole case, he delivered his verdict: you must pay.

 

The victim flew into a rage. They thrashed the case back and forth many times. But the rabbi was adamant: you must pay.

At last, weary and desirous only of getting to Pinsk, the man drew out his wallet and paid the money, demanding a receipted bill. His friend took the money, receipted the bill, and then handed the money, receipted bill back again saying ‘Forget it!’

 

What! screamed the other in despair. You force me to be your guest; you wont take no for an answer; you keep me there; you give me a bill; you drag me to the rabbi; he tells me I must pay; I pay. Now you give me back the money. What is this?

Ah, said his fried, I just wanted you to see what kind of a stupid person we have got for a rabbi n Minsk.

–subham–

 

 

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