Accuracy and Absent Mindedness Anecdotes (Post No.5143)

Compiled by LONDON SWAMINATHAN

 

Date: 24 JUNE 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  9-17 am  (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 5143

 

Pictures shown here are taken from various sources such as Facebook friends, Wikipedia, Books, Google and newspapers; thanks. Pictures may be subject to copyright laws.

More Absent mindedness anecdotes

 

Nose, Big Nose!!
When her daughters were very small girls, Mrs Dwight Morrow gave a high tea at which one of the guests was to be the senior JP Morgan.
The girls were to be brought in, introduced and ushered out. Mrs Morrow’s great fear was the possibility that Anne, the most outspoken of them, might comment audibly upon Mr Morgan’s celebrated and conspicuous nose. She therefore took pains to explain to Anne that personal observations were impolite and and to caution her especially against making any comment upon Mr Morgan’s nose, no matter what she thinks of it.
When the moment came and the children were brought in, Mrs Morrow held her breath as she saw Anne’s gaze unfalteringly fix upon this objective and remain there.

Nonetheless, the introduction was made, the little girls curtsied and were sent on their way. With a sigh of relief Mrs Morrow turned back to her duties as hostess and said to her chief guest, “And now, Mr Morgan, will you have cream or lemon in your nose?”

Xxxx

Lungs!
That absent minded professor Schmaltz has left his umbrella again. He would leave his head if it were loose, observed the waiter.
That is true, said the manager, I just heard him say he was going to Switzerland for his lungs.
Xxx

 

Send a wreath for Your Own Death!

The professor was very absent minded;

Did you see this?, his wife asked as he came in.
There is a report in the paper of your death.
“Dear me, said the professor, we must remember to send a wreath”.
Xxx


Forgotten Floor!
You mean to say, asked the judge of the defendant, that you threw your wife out of the second story window through forgetfulness ?
Yes sir, replied the defendant
We used to live on the ground floor and I plumb forgot we moved.
Xxxx

Top Speed! To Unknown Destination!

Thomas Henry Huxley once arrived late in a town in which he was to deliver an important lecture.
Jumping into a cab, he cried to the driver ,”Top speed!”

In a hurry the cabby whipped his horse into action and the vehicle went bumping along the streets at a wild clip. The lack of dignity and organisation in the proceedings then dawned upon Huxley, and above the clatter of the wheels he shouted to the driver,
“Here,here, do you know where I want to go?”
“No, Your Honour, called the cabby, cracking his whip the while, but I am driving as fast as I can.”

Xxxxx

Accuracy anecdotes
Cordell Hull is an extremely cautious speaker, striving always for scientific accuracy. One day on a train, a friend pointed to a fine flock of sheep grazing in a field. Look, those sheep have just been sheared, he said.
Hull studied the flock. Sheared on this side any way, he admitted.

Xxx

Tit for Tat

The captain of a certain freighter was martinet who, although technically just, was noted far and wide, for the strictness of his interpretation of the facts.

On a certain voyage he had a new first mate, an able and conscientious man. Following an of shipboard revelry, the captain entered in the log the note, ‘The first mate was drunk last night’.
Seeing this the mate was greatly distressed and pled with the captain to strike it off the record. He had never been drunk before, he insisted, would not be drunk again; was conscientious in the performance of his duties and had been off duty at the time of the offence anyway.
He begged for leniency, pointing out what an unduly detrimental effect on his record such an entry on the log might have.

 

The captain remained adamant, “you were drunk last night and I cant change the fact. The record will stand’.

 

Much wounded by this the first mate resumed his duties. That night it fell to his lot to make the next entry in the log for a period of his watch. This he did, with what may be called a malicious scrupulousness of accuracy. Accordingly the captain next day found on the log that innocently damning statement, “The captain was sober last night”.
 

–Subham–

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