Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 14 December 2015

 

Post No. 2390

Time uploaded in London :– 16-04

( Thanks for the Pictures  ) 

 

DON’T REBLOG IT AT LEAST FOR A WEEK!  DON’T USE THE PICTURES; THEY ARE COPYRIGHTED BY SOMEONE.

 

Following jokes were taken from 100 year old Tamil book Vinotha Vikata Chintamani; Book given by S Srinivasan of Chennai.

Horse & Donkey

A judge and a lawyer were very friendly in a town in Tamil Nadu. One day the judge wanted to belittle the lawyer and said with a smile:

My dear friend, if both of us are to become donkey and horse what would you be?

Lawyer: Sir, definitely a donkey is my preference!

Judge: Why do you want to become a donkey?

Lawyer: I know at least a donkey has got the post of a judge, but a horse has never got it. So I would like to be a donkey!!

Xxx

 

Mother tongue

Why do they call one’s native language a “Mother” tongue?

Because nobody listens to a “ father” in the house!

 

XXX

Who is a Hero?

A hero boasted: Look at me. I have brought the legs of one thousand soldiers. What other proof is required to prove me a hero?

Others said, “No, No, if you have brought one thousand heads of the enemies, they will consider you a great hero”

What can I do? Someone has chopped off all the heads already. That is why I cut the legs!

XXX

Two buffaloes!

A village farmer went to a school teacher and asked how much it would cost him to educate his son.

Teacher said : It would cost you Rs.50

Villager: Oh my God! If I have Rs.50, I will buy a buffalo.

Teacher: Please go ahead. Then you will have two buffaloes in the house.

Xxx

 

Dying Brahmin

An age old Brahmin was in his death bed following long period of sickness. During that period he was put on a diet.

Priests came to him and advised him to take Sanyasa (This is the fourth stage in every Hindu’s life: Brahmachary/student, Grahastha/Householder, Vanaprastha/Secluded life in the forest and Sanyasin/Given up all attachments)

 

Immediately the Brahmin said: I am ready. But what is the Patyam/diet?

XXX

 

Stomach pain

The teacher asked the students: Don’t you know the answer? It is a simple arithmetic sum. I give all the four of you

100 bananas

And 60 mangoes

What does each one get?

Youngest of the boys : Stomach ache, Sir!

 

XXX

Purattasi Saturday Leave

A man left his native town and studied abroad. He did not know his mother tongue Tamil, but very fluent in English. He was appointed as the Deputy Collector in Tamil Nadu. One of his subordinates went to him and  asked for leave of absence for a Saturday in the month of Purattasi (It is a holy day and prayers are offered to Vishnu).

 

Deputy collector asked him whether there is any precedent to give him holiday. And asked him ‘’did you get this leave last year?’’

 

The subordinate replied humbly and politely in Tamil, “Sir last year it fell on a Sunday. So there was no leave granted”.

Ok, leave sanctioned, said the Deputy Collector!

Xxx

Tailor Subramanya Mestry

A woman came to tailor Subramanya Mestry and gave a piece of cloth for stitching blouse for her. Mestry’s wife was watching it from behind the door. As soon as the woman customer left, he cut a piece from it and hid it in the table drawer. His wife came and asked him why he did that. He replied without any hesitation, “I did it to follow our tradition and to keep something to remind me.”

 

xxx

Coffee Club Kalyanam Iyer

A clever and cunning man went to Kalyanam Iyer’s Sweetmeat shop.

Man : Please give me one kilo Halwa (Indian sweet).

When he got it he returned it saying he changed his mind.

Man: Give me One kilo Jalebi instead.

He got and walked away without paying for the sweets.

Kalyanam: Hey, give me the money for Jalebi.

Man: I have given you one kilo Halwa for that.

Kalanam: Where is the money for the Halwa.

Man: I don’t have it in my bag. I returned it to you.

 

–Subham–