Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 9 JULY 2018

Time uploaded in London – 14-08  (British Summer Time)

Post No. 5199

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Mark Twain once asked a baggage handler in the railroad station in Washington,
“Is that satchel strong enough to go in the baggage car?”
The baggage man lifted the grip high above his head and smashed it to the ground with all his might.
That, said he, is what it will get in Philadelphia.
He picked it up and bashed it against the side of the car four or five times.
That is what it will get in Chicago, he continued.
He next threw it high in the air and when it had landed, jumped on it vigorously. It split open and scattered its contents over the platform.
And that is what it will get in Sioux City, you would better take it in the Pullman with you.

Xxx

The Chase National Bank. Operating all over the world, receives from its clients some very strange letters.
A short time ago, a dealer in fur from Australia wrote the following,
Dear Sirs,
“Am sending draft for a thousand pounds, with which please credit my account. Last year I crossed a kangaroo with a raccoon, and now I am raising fur coats with pockets”.

Xxx

Too much Ventilation!

Colonel Cody, Buffalo Bill , used to tell the story of an English visitor to the West. While riding The s Rocky Mountain canyon one day, a tremendous gust of wind swooped down and actually carried the English man off the wagon seat. After he had picked himself up and combed the sand and gravel out of his whiskers, he said,
“I say! I think you over do ventilation in the country!”
Xxx

Bill Nye, the humorist, was not given to mild statements. He had the following to say,
We have not  had more to say of the editor of the Sweet waters Gazette. Aside from the fact that he is a squint eyed, consumptive liar with a breath like a buzzard and a record like a convict, we don’t know anything about him. He means well enough, and if he can evade the penitentiary and the vigilance committee for a few more years, there is a chance for him to end his life in a natural way. If he don’t tell the truth a little more plentifully, however the Green River people will rise as one man and churn him up till there won’t be anything left of him but a pair of suspenders and a wart.

Xxxx

Bear stories are the stock in trade of the Alaskan sourdoughs.
One-of them told of his encounter with a giant a kadikak monster . He was all of two tons and he riz up and come at me. I didn’t manage to wound him just enough to make him mad. But then my rifle jammed. I headed for the nearest tree, but it only had one limb and that was thirty feet off the ground. I got there not more than a foot ahead of the bear and he took a swat at me as I gathered for the leap. He tore my Britches but didn’t quite getting me so badly I missed the limb.
What happened?
I caught it on my way down
Xxx

Col.John Cremony was a famous western figure and known as a yarn spinner. He told one story of a desperate flight from pursuing Indians,
“I had a fine horse and managed to keep far enough ahead so their arrows couldn’t reach me. I picked them off until my last cartridge was gone. Then I headed up a canyon and I will be doggoned if it didn’t end in a sheer wall I was trapped like a rat with a dozen Apaches closing in on me And me without as much as a penknife to defend myself.
What happened,Colonel?
Why, they killed me! Damn them, sir, they killed me!
Xxx SUBHAM xxx