CHURCH JOKES! (Post No.6593)

Compiled  by London swaminathan

Date: 24 June 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –  14–

Post No. 6593

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‘I went to church, the fellow (God) was not there’ – Little Boy


“You go to the movies for entertainment and you go down to Freddie’ss house , and over to Tommie’s house, and you have a nice time. Now don’t you think it is only right that once a week you should go to God’s house , just for one hour?”

The boy thought it over and said,

“But ,mom, what would you think if you were invited to somebody’s house and every time you went , the fellow was never there!”


I will sew you another sheet!

An extreme instance of tongue twistedness is found in the case of the nervous and confused usher on Easter morning when the church was crowded to overflowing. Finding a lady somewhat disconcerted at being unable to occupy her usual place , he hastened up and said ,

“Mardon me Padom, but this pie is occupewd. May I sew you to another sheet?”


I am ready to lose one Eye!

In a small and impoverished Negro community , the church had no other hall to hold its services than a large room below a second story dance hall with a wild reputation. Often , when  evening service was being held , it was difficult for the preacher to make himself heard above the stomping and clatter from above.

The building was ramshackle , and one night in the midst of a sermon a particularly vigorous jive was in the progress above.

 There was a splintering of a plank, and looking upward in alarm, the parson saw, protruding through  a hole  that had given way in the ceiling , the solid and buxom leg of a Negress.

In consternation, he at once called out, “Any man what raises his eyes to the ceiling De Lawd will strike blind!!

A hushed silence fell over the congregation, when the quavering voice of an aged Negro at the rear of the church was heard to remark “Waal, I will risk one eye on it anyhow!”


Nickel and Dime!

The noted Baptist preacher Jerome D Engel, was once annoyed by an old gentleman who fell asleep during his sermon on several consecutive Sundays. A small boy  habitually accompanied the old man and after service one morning, Engel spoke to the boy in the vestry and  said,

My lad, wh is this elderly gentleman with whom you attend church?”

“Grandpa” was the reply.

Well, promised Engel, “If you will only keep him awake  during the sermon, I will give you a nickel each week”.

This seems advantageous to the lad, and for the following two weeks, the old gentleman listened attentively. But the third week, he once again dropped off soundly to sleep and Engel was vexed.

Didn’t you agree to keep him awake every week for a Nickel?

Yes Sir, said the boy, “But now Grandpa gives me a dime not to disturb him!.



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