All posts in category anecdotes

Card playing Anecdotes (Post No.7448)

Card playing Anecdotes (Post No.7448)

Compiled  by  London Swaminathan

Post No.7448

Date uploaded in London – 12 January 2020

Contact – swami_48@yahoo.com

Pictures are taken from various sources for spreading knowledge; this is a non- commercial blog.

You can’t beat Texas ! a supercilious and wealthy new yorker asked the desk clerk in his hotel if there were not a card game which he could get into.

There is a poker game going on in room number 600, said the clerk, but you would better look out. They play for mighty high stakes.

The New Yorker sniffed at the implication and went to seek the game.  Entering the room he found a table surrounded by grim faced, flinty eyed Texans, methodically sorting and handling their cards. Stepping up brashly the new yorker drew out a hundred dollar bill from his pocket and threw it on the table, saying,

“I hear you boys play for big money. Well, give me chips for that”.

No one said a word. The dealer motioned him to a chair, looked him coldly in the eye and deliberately pushed across the table at him – one white chip.

((White chips normally are worth between $0.50 and $1, (at times grey, blue, and red chips may be worth this amount, as well)).

Xxx

King and Knave

Horne Took, the sly wit, being asked by George III, whether he played at cards, replied,

“I cannot, Your Majesty, tell a king from a knave”.

(KNAVE- a dishonest, unscrupulous man; in card game- a Jack)

Xxx

Quick Exit

A bridge expert was being harassed by many questions from the hopeful bridge player.

And do tell me, Mr Jacoby, how would you have played the hand, under the same circumstances.

Under an assumed name, Madam, said Jacoby tersely, and made a quick exit.

Xxx

Three enemies

Dr Parr was a constant and conscientious whist player. Nothing annoyed him more than to have as his partner one who could not match his skill at the game. One evening he was coupled with just such a player. As the evening wore on, he became increasingly disgusted. When his hostess came to the table and asked how the game was going Dr Parr exploded,

“As well as could be expected, Madam , considering that I have three adversaries”.

(noun: whist

  1. a card game, usually for two pairs of players, in which points are scored according to the number of tricks won.)

Xxx

The following is without doubt a is a nice description of a ‘friendly’ game of bridge:

The old quarrel between North and South has spread out to include East and West, and is now called contract bridge

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on January 12, 2020  •  Permalink
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Mark Twain ‘Damnedest Liar in USA!’ (Post No.7414)

Mark Twain ‘Damnedest Liar in USA!’ (Post No.7414)    

Compiled  by London Swaminathan Uploaded in London on  – 3 JANUARY 2020 Post No.7414 contact – swami_48@yahoo.com pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.     Mark Twain,according to one story, was returning from a trip to the Maine woods. Chumming up in the smoking car with a home spun New Englander occupying the same seat, Mark said, Stranger, it is the closed season for fishing up here , but just between you and me, I have got two hundred pounds of the finest rock bass, out there in the baggage of the car, that you have laid your eyes on.   Was! Drawled the Marks , that’s interesting, new acquaintance ,but dy’e know  who i am? Not guilty , Mark replied, who are you ? Wall,came the reply, I am the State Game Warden Quoth Mark, Now doesn’t that beat the Dutch? Say , d’ye know who I am, Warden? I am the damnedest liar in the United States!   Xxxx   Daniel Webster liked to commune with plain people whom he encountered. On one of his fishing excursions he wanted to try a certain brook and he drove to a house of a certain Mr Baker whom he knew nearby,and asked permission to leave his horse a few hours. Mr Baker volunteered to go with Webster and show him just where the people usually fished at the brook. The old man pointed out the spot. The ground was very muddy. Mr Webster sank in half way up his leg. Said he, Rather miry here, Mr Baker.   Mr Baker answered, yes, I know, that is the worst on’t.   The mosquitoes began to bite annoyingly. With the hand that was not holding the fishing rod  webster was busy all the time slapping and scratching. Said webster, these mosquitoes are pretty thick and hungry. Baker answered, Yes I know it. That is the worst on’t. Now the heat in the damp, low ground became intense. Mr Webster wiped his forehead and rested. The he said, It is very hot down in these bushes, Mr Baker. And  Baker answered, Yes I know it. That is the worst on’t. Webster resumed his fishing and an after an hour’s struggle with the heat, the bushes, the mire, the mosquitoes, Webster said , There seem to be no fish here, Mr Baker . Came the answer, Yes I know it. That is the worst on’t. Xxx subham xxx  		  
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by Tamil and Vedas on January 3, 2020  •  Permalink
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Football Anecdotes (Post No.7343)

WRITTEN By London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 14 DECEMBER 2019

 Time in London – 19-30,

Post No. 7343

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000

Football and Religion


In Belfast they still tell you about the football game that took place between the 100 % Catholics and 100% Protestants. A Limey attended that game and when the Catholics made a skilful play he applauded and when the Protestants in their turn scored he again joined in the shouting. At this point an Irishman jabbed the Limey in the back and said,


“My God, Man, haven’t you got any religion at all?”


Xxxx

“Girls” won the match

Coach Dana X Bible of Texas A and M college delivered perhaps the quietest, shortest, most effective pep talk in recent football history. His team had been badly trounced in the first half of one of their big games. The interval between halves was one of silence and gloom in which the coach said nothing. At last, as the team prepared to go out again on the field, he looked them over slowly and deliberately and said,
Well, girls, shall we go?
They won the game.

Xxx

The football game between Notre dame and Yale was in full swing. The score was tied. The spectators were yelling wildly; the players were grimly determined that their side would win.


About the middle of the third quarter time was called at the request of the Yale Center. Walking up to the referee he said,


Look here, Mr Referee, I don’t like to complain but every time we get tangled up in a scrimmage play that big Irish Center bites me. What do you think that I should do about it?


Well, snapped the referee, the only thing I advise is that you play him only on Fridays.

Xxxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on December 14, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Tamil and Vedas on December 14, 2019

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Golf Anecdotes (Post No.7304)

Compiled  by london Saminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 5 DECEMBER 2019

 Time in London – 18-49

Post No. 7304

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

Golf stroke and Real stroke


Don Marquis, author and playwright, once had a bet on with an expert golfer. The stakes were five dollars a hole and in the bargain, Don Marquis gave the expert two strokes.
Before starting the game, the expert turned to Marquis just before teeing off for his first drive, and said,
“Now where do I get my two strokes?
I don’t care where you take the second, said don Marquis ,but the first has to be a stroke of apoplexy.”
(Apoplexy is incapacity or unconsciousness due to stroke.)
Xxx

Burying in the Hole


A certain priest was chagrined by the fact that one of his friends and golfing companions invariably beat him. His companion, an older man, said, “Don’t take it too hard. You win in the end. You will probably burying me one of these days” .
“I know, said the preacher, but even then it will be your hole”.

(Hole is a pun here)
Xxx


Golfers are fanatics


Real devotees of the game of golf are fanatics of a peculiar breed. There was the case of such a man, who returned home after a long day on the links. His wife greeted him, a, while observed that their young son, William, had come in only a moment before.
He says he has been caddying for you all day.
“Is that so?” Replied the sportsman
“Somehow, I thought that boy seemed mighty familiar”.

(Caddie in golf means a helper)
Xxxx

Judge and Golf are poles apart


The late Justice Mc Kenna, of the United states Supreme Court, was an earnest but poor golfer. Deciding that his game might be improved, he hired an instructor to teach him the finer points.
One day while practicing on a golf course near Washington, he missed, teeing off. He tried three or four times, but each time his club hit several inches behind the ball. His instructor watched silently. Finally, the justice, becoming disgusted, glared at the still stationary ball and muttered,
“Tut tut”
Gravely the instructor walked towards him,
“Sir, he said, you will never learn to play golf with them words”.


Xxx Subham xxx

–subham–

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by Tamil and Vedas on December 5, 2019  •  Permalink
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BILLIARDS ANECDOTES (Post No.7295)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 3 DECEMBER 2019

 Time in London – 20-19

Post No. 7295

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000

Finding no other means of recreation in the small town in which he was stranded, the traveling salesman wandered into the local poolroom.

Indicating his desire to play a game, he was shown to the only table in the place and was given a set of balls of the same uniform, dirty gray colour.

“Hey”, he said to the proprietor

“How do you expect me to play with these. I can’t tell red from the white.”

“Oh! that’s alright. You will get to know them by their shape”.

Xxx

A farmer, from way back in the country, came into town one day with his pockets fairly well lined from the sale of his crops. Seeking to appear worldly, he walked into a saloon and gaming house over the entrance to which was a great sign proclaiming BILLIARDS.

Strolling up to the bar with a simulated air of assurance the farmer slapped a coin on the counter and said,

“Gimme a glass of them there billiards”

The bar keeper took a long at him and, sizing up the situation made no comment. Going into the none too immaculate kitchen behind the bar he came forth with a large foamy glass of dark and dangerous dish water which he shoved across the counter to his customer. The farmer, with his eyes slightly popping , drank it down in one long draught . Banging the glass back down on the counter he wiped his mouth and said

Wall, eften I warnt an old and hardened billiard drinker, I’d a said that there was dishwater.

XXXX

Bull Fighting

At a party in Paris, the American bull fighter, Sidney Franklin, was cornered by a dowager who took him severely to task for the alleged cruelty of his art. She would have none of his careful explanations, but pattered on endlessly about the poor, helpless bulls. After ten minutes of this, Franklin came to the limit of his patience.

“Madam, he said, I can’t agree with you. I have killed many bulls, but I have always spared them the ultimate cruelty — not one did I ever bore to death!”

–Subham–

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by Tamil and Vedas on December 3, 2019  •  Permalink
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Horse Racing Anecdotes (Post No.7086)

Compiled by London swaminathan
swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 11 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 18-58
Post No. 7086

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

“I thought you were sick yesterday”, the employer said to the clerk.

“Yes, Sir, I was”, replied Jones.

“Well, retorted his employer, you certainly didn’t look very sick when I saw you at the races yesterday afternoon”.

“I didn’t? you should have seen me after the end of the fourth race.”

Xxx

Godspeed won!

Leaning from her window one fine Spring morning, a woman noticed a poorly dressed man standing in front of a vacant store located just under the window. She noticed that, in passing, many people stopped to give the man money. Impressed and sympathetic, the woman put a two dollar bill in an envelope, scribbled on a piece of paper, ‘Godspeed’ and tossed it down to him.

A few days later she saw the man again. This time he was walking back and forth in front of the building where she lived and looking perplexedly up at her window. As she walked out of her house, he came up to her and said,

“Say, lady, I have been looking for you. Here is your 52 dollar. ‘Godspeed’ won at twenty six to one.”

xxx

Prize Fighting Anecdotes

Bull Fighting

Jack Johnson, the Negro heavy weight champion, who became a prominent figure in Mexico, was scheduled to face barehanded a bull in the ring. Some days later he was asked how it had gone.

He wrinkled up his brow, rolled his eyes and boomed:

“ Ah sure wuz scared. Ah’d rather fight a hundred men than one bull any day”.

Xxx

Boxing Instructor Job

John L Sullivan was once interviewed by a reporter who asked him why he had never become a boxing instructor.

“Well, son, I tried it once,” said the famous fighter. “A husky young man took one lesson from me and went home a little the worse for wear. When he came around the second time he said,

“Mr Sullivan, it was my idea to learn enough about boxing from you to be able to lick a certain young fellow I have got it in for. But I have changed my mind. If it is all the same to you, Mr Sullivan, I will just send this fellow down here to take the rest of my lessons for me.

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 11, 2019  •  Permalink
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American Indian Contest Anecdote (Post No.7074)

Compiled  by London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 8 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 16-53
Post No. 7074

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

There is a legend about of an Indian (Red Indian) chief who was wont to try the strength of his youths by making them run in a single effort as far up the side of aa mountain as each could reach by his main strength.

On an appointed day, four left at daybreak. The first returned with a branch of spruce, indicating the height to which he had attained. The second bore a twig of pine. The third brought an Alpine shrub. But it was by the light of moon that the fourth made his way back. Then he came, worn and exhausted, and his feet were torn by the rocks.

What did you bring and how high did you ascend? Asked the chief.

Aire, he replied, where I went there was neither spruce nor pine to shelter me from the sun, nor flower to cheer my path, but only rocks and snow and barren land. My feet are torn, and I am exhausted, and I have come late, but –

And as a wonderful light came into his eyes, the young brave added:

I saw the sea.

Xxxx

Cup and the Feet

A dinner in honour of winning members of the track meet was being held at the hotel. Various honours were given to them in the form of medals and blue ribbons. Each presentation was accompanied by a toast. Toward the end of the evening, the prize honour of all, a beautiful silver cup, was awarded to the young man who had won the gruelling mile run, thee major event of the meet.

The boy accepted the cup and a toast was proposed amid shouts of “Speech, Speech”!

He won more than the ordinary cheers and shouts of the crowd when he said,

“Gentlemen, I have won this cup by the use of my legs. I trust I may never lose the use of my legs by the use of this cup”.

Xxx

Wheelbarrow Contest

Mr Block was always annoying the members of his local club with stories of his great prowess. One day a new member, already tired of the boasting and blustering, determined to quash him once and for all.

Block, said the new member, I will bet you that I can wheel something in a wheelbarrow from this clubhouse to the gate, and you can’t wheel it back.

Mr Block looked the newcomer over carefully. Not n impressive looking man, small and puny. He could think of nothing that this man could do that he couldn’t top.

O K. he said, I will take you upon that.

The newcomer smiled blandly. A wheelbarrow was brought up to the club house steps.

Rubbing his hands in great glee, the new member grasped the handles of the barrow, motioned to Bloc and said,

“All right get in!

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 8, 2019  •  Permalink
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Finance Minister’s Wife’s Gown – Uncovered Deficit! (Post No.7055)

WRITTEN BY LONDON SWAMINATHAN
swami_48@yahoo.com
Date: 4 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 14-08
Post No. 7055


Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

MORE DIPLOMATS ANECDOTES

According to F W Wile, “It was President Wilson himself who told us of one of the conversations of Signor Orlando about Fiume. The Italian premier argued that , as the population, language and the institutions of the city were overwhelmingly Italian , Italy’s claim to the city was indisputable. “Well, Mr Premier”, rejoined Mr Wilson, “I hope you wont press the point with respect to New York city, or you might feel like claiming a sizeable piece of Manhattan Island.”

(Manhattan and New York have sizeable population of Italians)

Where is Fiueme?

From Wikipedia–

The Free State of Fiume (pronounced [ˈfjuːme]) was an independent free state that existed between 1920 and 1924. Its territory of 28 km2 (11 sq mi) comprised the city of Fiume (now in Croatia and known as Rijeka) and rural areas to its north, with a corridor to its west connecting it to Italy.

Xxx

Among the guests at a luncheon, was the wife of the Finance Minister of one of the neutral countries. Her gown was very décolleté but nature had not endowed her with the necessary charms to wear such a garment. German Foreign Minister Rantzau gazed at her and then murmured, she is just like her husband, an uncovered deficit.”

Word meaning–

décolleté

/deɪˈkɒlteɪ/

adjective

  1. (of a woman’s dress or top) having a low neckline.

noun

  1. a low neckline on a woman’s dress or top.

Xxx

No  Waiters and Cab Drivers at the Trade Conference?

When James B Reynolds was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury, Senator Root sent for Reynolds one day to discuss with him  some matter concerning a trade conference in Paris which Mr Reynolds had been selected to attend.

I suppose, said Root, you speak French.

Well, yes, responded Mr Reynolds. I know a little French. I have no trouble to  make the waiters and the cab drivers understand me. Mr Reynolds

I see said Mr Root, But Mr Reynolds, suppose there should be no waiters and cab drivers at the conference?”

Xxx

King, You are surrounded by my enemies!!

The famous Marshal Villars , having given some offence to the mistress and ministers of Louis XIV, occasion was soon found to send him on a very dangerous service in Germany. When coming to take farewell of the king the marshal thus expressed himself:

“Sire I leave Your Majesty surrounded by my enemies, while I am going to be surrounded by yours”.

Xxx  subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 4, 2019  •  Permalink
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I will toast in Water, not in Champagne! (Post No.7048)

Compiled by  London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 2 OCTOBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 20 48

Post No. 7048

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Diplomats Anecdotes

According to diplomatic procedure, the representative of a foreign country, before being actually presented to the President, always exchanges with him the text of the speeches.
On one such occasion this formality never reached its ordinary climax. Instead of stiltedly repeating the already familiar words, President Roosevelt greeted the foreign diplomat with,
Now, Mr Minister, I have read your remarks and you have read mine, so suppose we dispense with the speeches and have a friendly chat.
Xxx

Toast in Water


After the Russo Japanese War, Admiral Togo, commander of the victorious Japanese fleet, visited the United States and was cordially received. A state dinner was tendered him at which it fell to the lot of William Jennings Fryan, then Secretary of State to propose a toast to Togo. Bryan, a staunch prohibitionist, would not touch champagne , and it was feared that some diplomatic impasse may arise from the difficulty.


Bryan, however, rose at the proper time, picked up his glass of water and said,


Admiral Togo has won a great victory on water, therefore I will toast him in water. When Admiral Togo wins a victory on champagne, I will toast him in champagne.

Xxxx

When Lady Baldwin of Bewdley visited Manhattan with her husband, Stanley Baldwin, last summer, she wanted to see the General Motors Futurama at New York Worlds Fair, but did not want to stand in line. So Earl Baldwin phoned the British consulate; the consulate called the British embassy in Washington; the embassy cabled the Foreign Office in London. The foreign office appealed to ambassador Joe Kennedy . Resourceful Joe sent a cable direct to General Motors Building at the Fair. A press agent there called lady Baldwin at the Waldorf (cost 5 cents) , told her to come right out, he would see that she was well taken care of .

Xxxx

I will cut off heads of all Frenchmen!

Henry VIII, in a spell of temper against his rival Francis I, King of France, commissioned a clergy man named Bonner to deliver an insolent and threatening message to the French court. The clergyman realised that it would be a risky job and protested that he could never hope to get back to England alive if he dared to talk to the French king in the manner Henry wished.
Don’t worry about that, said the monarch soothingly. If the King of France puts you to death, I will cut off the heads of all Frenchmen I can get my hands on.

That may be, Your Majesty, replied Bonner, tapping his head, but of all the heads in England, there is none that fits my shoulders as well as this one does.

Xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 2, 2019  •  Permalink
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STORY OF FIVE RICE GRAINS (Post No.7029)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 28 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – -18-12

Post No. 7029

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

THE FIVE RICE GRAINS REPRESENT FIVE PRINCIPLES FOLLOWED BY THE JAINS. THEY INCLUDE NON VIOLENCE, TRUTH AND NON- STEALING. THOSE WHO FOLLOW THEM WILL GET THE FULL BENEFITS AND SHINE IN LIFE.

—SUBHAM —

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 28, 2019  •  Permalink
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