All posts in category anecdotes

Horse Racing Anecdotes (Post No.7086)

Compiled by London swaminathan
swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 11 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 18-58
Post No. 7086

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

“I thought you were sick yesterday”, the employer said to the clerk.

“Yes, Sir, I was”, replied Jones.

“Well, retorted his employer, you certainly didn’t look very sick when I saw you at the races yesterday afternoon”.

“I didn’t? you should have seen me after the end of the fourth race.”

Xxx

Godspeed won!

Leaning from her window one fine Spring morning, a woman noticed a poorly dressed man standing in front of a vacant store located just under the window. She noticed that, in passing, many people stopped to give the man money. Impressed and sympathetic, the woman put a two dollar bill in an envelope, scribbled on a piece of paper, ‘Godspeed’ and tossed it down to him.

A few days later she saw the man again. This time he was walking back and forth in front of the building where she lived and looking perplexedly up at her window. As she walked out of her house, he came up to her and said,

“Say, lady, I have been looking for you. Here is your 52 dollar. ‘Godspeed’ won at twenty six to one.”

xxx

Prize Fighting Anecdotes

Bull Fighting

Jack Johnson, the Negro heavy weight champion, who became a prominent figure in Mexico, was scheduled to face barehanded a bull in the ring. Some days later he was asked how it had gone.

He wrinkled up his brow, rolled his eyes and boomed:

“ Ah sure wuz scared. Ah’d rather fight a hundred men than one bull any day”.

Xxx

Boxing Instructor Job

John L Sullivan was once interviewed by a reporter who asked him why he had never become a boxing instructor.

“Well, son, I tried it once,” said the famous fighter. “A husky young man took one lesson from me and went home a little the worse for wear. When he came around the second time he said,

“Mr Sullivan, it was my idea to learn enough about boxing from you to be able to lick a certain young fellow I have got it in for. But I have changed my mind. If it is all the same to you, Mr Sullivan, I will just send this fellow down here to take the rest of my lessons for me.

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 11, 2019  •  Permalink
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American Indian Contest Anecdote (Post No.7074)

Compiled  by London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 8 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 16-53
Post No. 7074

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

There is a legend about of an Indian (Red Indian) chief who was wont to try the strength of his youths by making them run in a single effort as far up the side of aa mountain as each could reach by his main strength.

On an appointed day, four left at daybreak. The first returned with a branch of spruce, indicating the height to which he had attained. The second bore a twig of pine. The third brought an Alpine shrub. But it was by the light of moon that the fourth made his way back. Then he came, worn and exhausted, and his feet were torn by the rocks.

What did you bring and how high did you ascend? Asked the chief.

Aire, he replied, where I went there was neither spruce nor pine to shelter me from the sun, nor flower to cheer my path, but only rocks and snow and barren land. My feet are torn, and I am exhausted, and I have come late, but –

And as a wonderful light came into his eyes, the young brave added:

I saw the sea.

Xxxx

Cup and the Feet

A dinner in honour of winning members of the track meet was being held at the hotel. Various honours were given to them in the form of medals and blue ribbons. Each presentation was accompanied by a toast. Toward the end of the evening, the prize honour of all, a beautiful silver cup, was awarded to the young man who had won the gruelling mile run, thee major event of the meet.

The boy accepted the cup and a toast was proposed amid shouts of “Speech, Speech”!

He won more than the ordinary cheers and shouts of the crowd when he said,

“Gentlemen, I have won this cup by the use of my legs. I trust I may never lose the use of my legs by the use of this cup”.

Xxx

Wheelbarrow Contest

Mr Block was always annoying the members of his local club with stories of his great prowess. One day a new member, already tired of the boasting and blustering, determined to quash him once and for all.

Block, said the new member, I will bet you that I can wheel something in a wheelbarrow from this clubhouse to the gate, and you can’t wheel it back.

Mr Block looked the newcomer over carefully. Not n impressive looking man, small and puny. He could think of nothing that this man could do that he couldn’t top.

O K. he said, I will take you upon that.

The newcomer smiled blandly. A wheelbarrow was brought up to the club house steps.

Rubbing his hands in great glee, the new member grasped the handles of the barrow, motioned to Bloc and said,

“All right get in!

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 8, 2019  •  Permalink
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Finance Minister’s Wife’s Gown – Uncovered Deficit! (Post No.7055)

WRITTEN BY LONDON SWAMINATHAN
swami_48@yahoo.com
Date: 4 OCTOBER 2019
British Summer Time uploaded in London – 14-08
Post No. 7055


Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

MORE DIPLOMATS ANECDOTES

According to F W Wile, “It was President Wilson himself who told us of one of the conversations of Signor Orlando about Fiume. The Italian premier argued that , as the population, language and the institutions of the city were overwhelmingly Italian , Italy’s claim to the city was indisputable. “Well, Mr Premier”, rejoined Mr Wilson, “I hope you wont press the point with respect to New York city, or you might feel like claiming a sizeable piece of Manhattan Island.”

(Manhattan and New York have sizeable population of Italians)

Where is Fiueme?

From Wikipedia–

The Free State of Fiume (pronounced [ˈfjuːme]) was an independent free state that existed between 1920 and 1924. Its territory of 28 km2 (11 sq mi) comprised the city of Fiume (now in Croatia and known as Rijeka) and rural areas to its north, with a corridor to its west connecting it to Italy.

Xxx

Among the guests at a luncheon, was the wife of the Finance Minister of one of the neutral countries. Her gown was very décolleté but nature had not endowed her with the necessary charms to wear such a garment. German Foreign Minister Rantzau gazed at her and then murmured, she is just like her husband, an uncovered deficit.”

Word meaning–

décolleté

/deɪˈkɒlteɪ/

adjective

  1. (of a woman’s dress or top) having a low neckline.

noun

  1. a low neckline on a woman’s dress or top.

Xxx

No  Waiters and Cab Drivers at the Trade Conference?

When James B Reynolds was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury, Senator Root sent for Reynolds one day to discuss with him  some matter concerning a trade conference in Paris which Mr Reynolds had been selected to attend.

I suppose, said Root, you speak French.

Well, yes, responded Mr Reynolds. I know a little French. I have no trouble to  make the waiters and the cab drivers understand me. Mr Reynolds

I see said Mr Root, But Mr Reynolds, suppose there should be no waiters and cab drivers at the conference?”

Xxx

King, You are surrounded by my enemies!!

The famous Marshal Villars , having given some offence to the mistress and ministers of Louis XIV, occasion was soon found to send him on a very dangerous service in Germany. When coming to take farewell of the king the marshal thus expressed himself:

“Sire I leave Your Majesty surrounded by my enemies, while I am going to be surrounded by yours”.

Xxx  subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 4, 2019  •  Permalink
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I will toast in Water, not in Champagne! (Post No.7048)

Compiled by  London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 2 OCTOBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 20 48

Post No. 7048

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Diplomats Anecdotes

According to diplomatic procedure, the representative of a foreign country, before being actually presented to the President, always exchanges with him the text of the speeches.
On one such occasion this formality never reached its ordinary climax. Instead of stiltedly repeating the already familiar words, President Roosevelt greeted the foreign diplomat with,
Now, Mr Minister, I have read your remarks and you have read mine, so suppose we dispense with the speeches and have a friendly chat.
Xxx

Toast in Water


After the Russo Japanese War, Admiral Togo, commander of the victorious Japanese fleet, visited the United States and was cordially received. A state dinner was tendered him at which it fell to the lot of William Jennings Fryan, then Secretary of State to propose a toast to Togo. Bryan, a staunch prohibitionist, would not touch champagne , and it was feared that some diplomatic impasse may arise from the difficulty.


Bryan, however, rose at the proper time, picked up his glass of water and said,


Admiral Togo has won a great victory on water, therefore I will toast him in water. When Admiral Togo wins a victory on champagne, I will toast him in champagne.

Xxxx

When Lady Baldwin of Bewdley visited Manhattan with her husband, Stanley Baldwin, last summer, she wanted to see the General Motors Futurama at New York Worlds Fair, but did not want to stand in line. So Earl Baldwin phoned the British consulate; the consulate called the British embassy in Washington; the embassy cabled the Foreign Office in London. The foreign office appealed to ambassador Joe Kennedy . Resourceful Joe sent a cable direct to General Motors Building at the Fair. A press agent there called lady Baldwin at the Waldorf (cost 5 cents) , told her to come right out, he would see that she was well taken care of .

Xxxx

I will cut off heads of all Frenchmen!

Henry VIII, in a spell of temper against his rival Francis I, King of France, commissioned a clergy man named Bonner to deliver an insolent and threatening message to the French court. The clergyman realised that it would be a risky job and protested that he could never hope to get back to England alive if he dared to talk to the French king in the manner Henry wished.
Don’t worry about that, said the monarch soothingly. If the King of France puts you to death, I will cut off the heads of all Frenchmen I can get my hands on.

That may be, Your Majesty, replied Bonner, tapping his head, but of all the heads in England, there is none that fits my shoulders as well as this one does.

Xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on October 2, 2019  •  Permalink
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STORY OF FIVE RICE GRAINS (Post No.7029)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 28 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – -18-12

Post No. 7029

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

THE FIVE RICE GRAINS REPRESENT FIVE PRINCIPLES FOLLOWED BY THE JAINS. THEY INCLUDE NON VIOLENCE, TRUTH AND NON- STEALING. THOSE WHO FOLLOW THEM WILL GET THE FULL BENEFITS AND SHINE IN LIFE.

—SUBHAM —

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 28, 2019  •  Permalink
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மரண தேவனுடன் சுல்தான் வாக்குவாதம் (Post No.6996)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 21 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 11-43 am

Post No. 6996

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 21, 2019  •  Permalink
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MARK TWAIN DIED AND CAME BACK NEXT DAY! (Post No.6993)

Compiled by London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 20 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 17-59

Post No. 6993

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Philosophers Meeting with a Dead Person!

A philosopher who went to call on a sick friend, was told at the door :

“He is already departed”.

“Well, tell him I called”, replied the philosopher.

Xxx

ASOKA OF PERSIA WEPT!

It is recorded that Xerxes, the King of Persia, who had gathered vast forces at the Hellespont for the invasion of Greece, caused a lofty seat to be sent upon a hill from which he could survey them.

But when he saw, says Herodotus, the whole Hellespont hidden by his ships, and all the shores and plains of Abydos thronged with men, Xerxes first declared himself happy, and presently he fell a-weeping…..

For, he said, “I was moved to compassion when I considered the shortness of all human life, seeing that of all this multitude of men not will be alive a hundred years hence.”

Xxx

MARK TWAIN REBORN!

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) , being a celebrity, turned the famous erroneous announcement of his death into a well- known quip.

More difficult was the situation of the obscure man whose death was mistakenly noted in his local newspaper.

The “corpse “ hastened to the editor to protest.

“I am awfully sorry”, the editor replied. “And it is too late to do much about it. The best thing I can do for you is to put you in the Birth Column tomorrow morning and give you a fresh start”.

Xxx

NO ONE CAN FOOL DEATH!

One day when Sultan was in his palace in Damascus a beautiful youth who was his favourite rushed into his presence, crying out in great agitation that he must fly at once to Baghdad, and imploring leave to borrow His Majesty’s swiftest horse.

The Sultan asked why he was in such a haste to go to Baghdad. “Because, the youth answered, as I passed through the garden of the palace just now, Death was attending there, and when he saw me he stretched out his arms as if to threaten me, and I must lose no time in escaping from him”.

The young man was allowed to take Sultan’s horse and fly; and when he was gone the sultan went down indignantly into the garden, and found Death still there.

“How dare you make threatening gestures at my favourite?”, he cried.

But Death,astonished, answered,

“I assure Your Majesty, I didn’t threaten him. I only threw up my arms in surprise at seeing him here, because I have a tryst with him tonight in Baghdad.”

Xxx Subham xxxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 20, 2019  •  Permalink
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PORTERS AND AUTOMOBILES ANECDOTES! (Post No.6984)

COMPILED BY LONDON SWAMINATHAN

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 19 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 6-56 AM

Post No. 6984

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

A gentleman, considerably inexperienced in travel, had made a transcontinental touring trip. As he was about to disembark he was in some doubt as to what sum he should give the Pullman porter who had catered to him throughout most of the journey.

“Sam”, he asked, “What is the average tip you get?”

“Five dollars” replied Sam.

Whereupon he was presented with that sum.

Overcome and embarrassed, Sam shuffled his feet for a moment, and then said,

“Well, Boss, ah (I) reckon ah ought to tell you that so far you is de fust one what’s come up to the average.”

Xxx

AUTOS

An old mountaineer was on his way to the town. He decided to use the new highway that had just been completed. Just as he was about to steer his horse onto the road, an automobile whizzed by. The old man had never before seen one of these new fangled machines. Open mouthed he stared after it. Scarcely a minute passed, came a motor cycle cop. The old man was astonished. Muttering to himself he said,

“Well, by gol! Who’da thunk that thing could have a colt?

(Colt= young male horse)

Xxx

BOATS

An old lady on a sinking ship was told that they had no other hope but trust in Providence.

“Has it come to that?” said she.

Xxx

TRAVEL

The poet, John Godfrey  Saxe, had his bag packed for a trip when a friend encountered him and asked,

“Where are you going?”

“To Boston, Deo Volente”

“What route is that?, his acquaintance asked.

“By way of Providence, of course”, replied Saxe.

Dictionary meaning:–

Deo volente

/ˌdeɪəʊ vɒˈlɛnteɪ/

adverb

  1. God willing; if nothing prevents it.

“she has signed the lease for the house—it will be for both of them, Deo volente”

Xxx Subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 19, 2019  •  Permalink
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SWALLOWING A GOLD COIN AND EXCRETING DOLLAR AND CENT COINS! (Post No.6980)

Compiled   by  London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 5 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –6-30 am

Post No. 6980

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

In the days before gold coins were withdrawn from circulation, they were invariably  an object of interest of interest to small boys, not to mention adults. A paternal gentleman making a purchase in the store of little Abie’s father permitted the child to hold in his hand ad examine a shiny five dollar gold piece. To his consternation , as very young children will do, the child popped the gold coin into his mouth and swallowed it.

“Do not worry, do not worry”, said proprietor. I will take him into the back and hold him up by the heels and shake him”. The store owner was gone for some little time. At last he appeared apologetically with some change, and said, “Too bad we couldn’t have worked quicker. Here is two dollars and fifty cents. Abie has digested the rest”.

Xxx

 A WOMAN WAS BORN TO BE CHEATED!

The folly is ineradicable from human nature is neatly summed up by the case of the middle aged school teacher who invested her life savings in a business enterprise which had been elaborately explained to her by a swindler. When her investment had disappeared and the wonderful dream was shattered, she went to the office of the Better Business Bureau, which was able at once  to confirm her darkest fears. “Why on earth” asked the man, “didn’t you come to us first? Didn’t you know about the Better Business Bureau? ”

“oh yes, “ she said sadly, “I have always known about you. But I didn’t come because I was afraid you would tell me not to do it”.

XXX

FARMER’S HORSE AND TWO THIEVES

 Farmer Jones had a very beautiful horse of which he was very proud. One day he drove him into town and carefully tied the animal to the hitching post in front of the local tavern. Two thieves, hurrying through the town, happened to spy the horse and decided to steal it. Realizing that the horse was much too fine and valuable an animal to be stolen in the ordinary manner, they decided on a stratagem to cay out their plan.

One of them hurriedly untied the horse and  rode swiftly away. The other remained by post.

The farmer finally emerged from the tavern. Seeing that his was not where he had left him he was just about to shout when the thief walked up to him. In a sad low tone he said, “Sir, I am your horse. Years ago I sinned and for my sins I was punished. I was changed into a horse. Today my sentence is over, and I can be released if you will be so kind.”

The farmer, amazed yet touched by this story, sent the man away wishing him luck in his new life.

Several weeks later Farmer Jones went to a fair in a neighbouring town. Great was his surprise to see his own horse for sale there. Gazing long at the animal to make sure that his eyes did not deceive him, he walked over and whispering in the horse’s ear, said “ so you have sinned again”

Xxx subham xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on September 5, 2019  •  Permalink
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விவசாயி குதிரையும், இரண்டு திருடர்களும் கதை! (Post No.6979)

Written   by  London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 5 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –6-05 am

Post No. 6979


Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

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