AMERICAN CIVIL WAR ANECDOTES (Post No.3274)

american-civil-war-saratoga

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 21 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 9-24 AM

 

Post No.3274

 

Pictures are taken from Wikipedia and other sources; thanks. (Picture is used only for representational purpose; no connection with the current article.)

 

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President Jackson

During nullification in South Carolina, after President Jackson’s proclamation, the Governor of Virginia sent a request to the President, in case it became necessary to send United States troops down South, not to send them through the State. If he did, they would have to pass over the Governor’s dead body.

 

The President received the message and replied: “If it becomes necessary for the United States troops to go to South Carolina, I, as commander-in-chief of the army, will be at their head. I will march them by the shortest route. They may pass through Virginia; but if the governor makes it necessary to pass over his dead body, it will be found that I will have previously taken off both ears.

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Lincoln’s Victorious Walk!

Richmond fell. Lincoln himself entered the city on foot, accompanied only by a few officers and a squad of sailors who had rowed him ashore from the flotilla in the James River, a Negro picked up on the way serving as a guide. Never had the world seen a more modest conqueror and a less characteristic triumphal procession no army with banners and drums, only a throng of those who had been slaves hastily run together, escorting the victorious chief into the capital of the vanquished foe. We are told that they pressed around him, kissed his hands and his garments and shouted and danced with joy, while tears ran down the President’s care-furrowed cheeks.

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Advancing Backwards!

Near the end of the Civil War, when the Confederate forces were falling back on Richmond, an old Negro asked by his mistress for encouraging news, replied.

“Well, missy, due to de lie of de land where dey’s fightin’, dem Yankees is retreatin’ forward, while we is advancin’ backwards.”

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The prayer of a Unitarian preacher in Massachusetts during the Civil War

“Oh, God, we pray thee to bless the rebels. Bless their hearts with sincere repentance. Bless their armies with defeat. Bless their social condition by emancipation.

 

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CIVILIANS IN WAR

 

Louis Fischer, editor and correspondent, tells the story that at a dinner-party in England the guests were discussing the fact that the cigarettes were worse since the war started and the transportation, food, and indeed everything was worse.

“Only the people are better,” someone observed.

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Lincoln’s Story

During a public “reception”, a farmer from one of the counties of Virginia told President Lincoln, that the Union soldiers, in passing his farm, had helped themselves not only to hay, but to his horse, and he hoped the President would urge the proper officer to consider his claim immediately.

Mr. Lincoln said that this reminded him of an old acquaintance of his, “Jack” Chase, a lumberman on the Illinois, a steady, sober man and the best raftsman on the river. It was quite a trick to take the logs over the rapids; but he was skilful with a raft and always kept her straight in the channel. Finally, a steamer was put on, and Jack was made captain of her. He always used to take the wheel, going through the rapids. One day, when the boat was plunging and wallowing along the boiling current, and Jack’s utmost vigilance was being exercised to keep the narrow channel, a boy pulled his coat-tail and hailed him with:

“Say, Mr. Captain! I wish you would just stop your boat a minute. I’ve lost my apple overboard.

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Lip Sympathy only!

President Lincoln was bothered to death by those persons who boisterously demanded that the War be pushed vigorously also, those who shouted their advice and opinions into his weary ears, but who never suggested anything practical. These fellows were not in the army nor did they ever take any interest, in a personal way, in military affairs, except when engaged in dodging drafts.

 

“That reminds me remarked Mr. Lincoln one day, “of a farmer who lost his way on the Western frontier. Night came on, and the embarrassments of his position were increased by a furious tempest which suddenly burst upon him. To add to his discomfort, his horse had given out, leaving him exposed to all the dangers of the pitiless storm.

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“The peals of thunder were terrific, the frequent flashes of lightning affording the only guide on the road as he resolutely trudged onward, leading his jaded steed. The earth seemed fairly to tremble beneath in the elements. One bolt threw him suddenly upon his knees.

 

“Our traveller was not a prayerful man, but finding himself involuntarily brought to an attitude of devotion, addressed himself to the Throne of Grace in the following prayer for his deliverance.

 

“O God! hear my prayer this time, for Thou knowest it is not often that I call upon Thee. And O,Lord! If it is not all the same to Thee, give us a little more light and a little noise.

 

“I wish,” the President said, sadly, “there was a stronger disposition manifested on the part of our civilian warriors to unite in suppressing the rebellion and a little less noise as to how and by whom the chief executive office shall be administered.”
–SUBHAM–

 

FIRST WORLD WAR ANECDOTES (Post No.3271)

britain-ww

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 20 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 8-58

 

Post No.3271

 

Pictures are taken from Wikipedia and other sources; thanks. (Picture is used only for representational purpose; no connection with the current article.)

 

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russia-ww

KILLING WITHOUT A PURPOSE!

Bronislaw Malinowski says, “I once talked to an old cannibal who, hearing of the Great War raging then in Europe, was most curious to know how we Europeans managed to eat such enormous quantities of human flesh. when I told him that Europeans do not eat their slain foes, he looked at me in shocked horror and asked what sort of barbarians we were, to kill without any real object.

Xxx

 

NEW FAIRY TALE!

In Italy it is whispered that a new technique for the fairy tale has come into existence. The old formula began, “Once upon a time.” Now it begins, “The General Headquarters of the Armed Forces communicates.”

Xxx

 

WHEN IS THE WAR GOING TO END?

According to one story, Marshal Foch’s chauffeur was constantly besieged by journalists and plain information- seekers with the question, “When is the war going to end? What do you hear?”

 

The chauffeur put off his questioners, saying, “As soon as I hear the Marshall say anything, I will tell you.”

 

At last he said, “The Marshal spoke today.”

“Well,” they demanded, “what did he say?

“He said, “Well, Pierre, what do you think? When is the war going to end?

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FRENCH ATTITUDE!

Jean Gabin, the film actor, upon his arrival in New York recently, was asked what was the French attitude toward the British, “We are both pro- and anti-British,” he said.

 

“Those who are pro-British say each night in their prayers, “Please, God, let the gallant British win quickly.”

Those who are anti-British say each night in their prayers, ‘Please, God, let the dirty British win right away.”

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THE LAST WAR

Mr. Pitt, speaking in the House of Commons of the glorious war preceding that in which England lost the colonies called it “The last war.” Several members cried out: “The last war but one!

He took no notice, and soon, after repeating the mistake, was interrupted by a general cry of “The last war but one!”

 

“I mean, sir,” said Pitt, turning to the speaker, and raising his voice, “I mean, the last war that Britons would wish to remember.”

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In 1918 Premier Georges Clemenceau of France made the observation, “War is too important to leave to the Generals.”

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The Italians say among themselves, “In the First World war we prepared, fought, and made the Armistice. This time (II W.W.) we made the Armistice (with France), fought, and now we are preparing.

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H G WELLS! THINK!THINK!!

Lillah McCarthy went to stay with H. G. Wells in Essex. England also was now at war (1914). “His face, generally so mobile, had become rigid and the playful look stern. I tried to distract him “No, Lillah,’ he said, ‘no, I can’t get away from the war. The world is falling to pieces. I can do nothing but think, think.’

 

—Subham–

 

Ignorance is the cause of Injustice (Post No.3254)

englishman

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 15 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 18-49

 

Post No.3254

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks. (Picture is only representational)

 

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In Chennapattana, there lived an Englishman, who, did not know any of the Indian languages. He had an interpreter to help him whenever he met the native speakers.

 

One day some conjurors came to the parks to give a performance. The Englishman also attended the event and watched it with very great interest. He was very much impressed with the several feats of agility for his interpreter told highly of them. He told the interpreter to give them ten pagodas (gold coins). But the interpreter pocketed nine coins and gave them only one. As they thought this was a poor recompense and suspected that the interpreter had deceived them.  After the interpreter left, the leader of the group turned to the gentleman and showed him the Pagoda given to them and informed him that his interpreter had taken nine coins.

 

As the gentleman was ignorant of the language he sent for the interpreter and asked him what they were saying. He told him that among the ten pagodas, he had given them, that one coin was a bad one and they wanted a better one in exchange for it. The Englishman, thereupon became very much enraged and ordered his servants to thrash them and send them away. They, who were ignorant of the vernaculars of the country they inhabit, believe what others tell them.

Ignorance is the cause of injustice.

–Story from 100 year old book, retold by London Swaminathan.

Farmer Anecdotes (Post No.3238)

field-greenfb

Compiled  by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 10 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 13-56

 

Post No.3238

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

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“You have no complaint”, a city man said to a farmer, “you have your own milk, butter, eggs, meat and vegetables. With enough to eat and a place to sleep what more do you want?”

 

“Well”, said the farmer, “you come around a few months from now and you will see the fattest, sleekest, nakedest farmer you ever saw.”

 

Xxx

 

Ranches in some parts of the West (USA) are by no means always a paying proposition. At such a place a traveller stopped, seeking a night’s lodging. Discussing with his host hard times in general, the stranger asked, “How in the world do you manage to make enough on this place to run it?” His host pointed toward his hired man at the far end of the table.

“you see that feller. Well, he works for me and I cant pay him. In two more years he gits the anch. Then I am goin’ to work for him till I git it back!”

 

Xxx

field-in-dalavanur-suba

The Department of Agriculture is the constant recipient of queries and pleas for advice from householders with small lawns and gardens as well as from farmers. The story is told about the man who had fought a losing battle against dandelions on his lawns. He wrote to the department complaining how much he loved his lawn and begging them to help him save it. In due course, the Department of Agriculture replied with the practical suggestion that he learn to love the dandelions too.

 

–Subham–

 

 

 

Statistics Anecdotes (Post No.3224)

introstats

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 6 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 18-42

 

Post No.3224

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

 

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In the course of a Parliamentary debate, an opponent of Disraeli government was supporting his arguments and charges with a ponderous and bewildering barrage of statistics. Instead of scurrying around for similar ammunition to refuse these arguments, Disraeli rose and commented dryly,

Gentlemen, there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

 

Xxx

 

Louis Sterne of London tells this story of his father Simon Sterne who, while dining with Chauncey Depew and Edward Atkinson, was appealed to by the latter:

Now, Sterne, you can bear me out in this; you know

(Quoting certain statistics)

And that figures never lie.

Never, said Mr Sterne gravely, except when liars figure.

 

–Subham–

 

Waiter Anecdotes (Post No.3221)

rls

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 5 October 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 19-04

 

Post No.3221

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

 

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Robert Louis Stevenson, in the days of his residence in San Francisco, took a friend to a restaurant in which he said, the waiters would never admit that anything was lacking from the bill of fare. They will take your order for the slice of the moon, said he, and go away as if to fetch it, and come back to tell you they are just out of it.

 

The two men seated themselves and the waiter came up.

“A double order of boiled Brohemoth”, said Stevenson.

“Will you have it rare or well done?” Asked the waiter.

“Rare”,said Stevenson.

In a few moments the waiter had returned , “I am very sorry, sir”, the waiter began……

“What!” Interrupted Stevenson in a tone of annoyance.

“No more Behemoth?”

“Oh, no, sir, said the waiter hastily, then lowering his voice, I have some more, sir, he explained, but the truth is I would not bring it to you as it is not quite fresh”.

rls-bookshelf

Xxxx

 

Bishop Brewster of Connecticut (USA), while visiting some friends, tucked his collar to avoid the juice of grapefruit at breakfast. He laughed as he did so, and said it reminded him of a man he knew who rushed into a restaurant and, seating himself at a table, proceeded to tuck his napkin understand his chin. He called a waiter and said,

“Can I get lunch here?”

“Yes”, replied the waiter in a dignified manner

“But not a shampoo”.

 

Xxxx

Hotels and Restaurants Anecdotes

 

A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room.

“On the American plan or the Japanese plan?” asked the clerk.

“What is the difference?”

“The American plan is with cross ventilation. The Japanese plan is with double cross ventilation”.

 

Xxx

 

A certain cafeteria in New York caused much pleasure to many of its patrons by prominently displaying on its walls, the motto

“Courteous and Efficient Self-Service”

 

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A certain lodging house in the south of Italy had the Russian writer Maxim Gorky as its guest some years ago. He complained to the landlady, “The morning after the night before that his bed was infested by vermin”.

The landlady indignantly remonstrated.

“No sir, we haven’t one single bug in the house”.

“No, Madame”, Gorky agreed amiably,

“They are all married and have large families too”.

 

Xxx

 

A game of Poker at Delmonicos had lasted well into the night when one of the party, the late Colonel John R Fellows, ordered a plate of sandwiches.

The familiar dainty triangle variety was served and disappeared instantly. A hungry shout went up for more.

“More Sandwiches, waiter”, said Fellows.

“Yes, sir, how many sir?” returned the waiter.

“Well, said Fellows, with a calculating air, judging by the size of your sandwiches and the size of this bill, I should say about 2000 dollars worth!”

 

Xxx

disraeli

Mr.Disraeli said he could not remember a certain inn, upon which the owner assured him that he must be mistaken.

 

“You must remember the house, sir; there was a handsome bar-maid there — monstrous fine gal — you must have been in the King’s Arm, Sir”

“Perhaps, said , said Disraeli, if I had been in her arms I might have remembered it”.

Xxx

 

For a laconic philosophy it is hard to match the case of the man who checked into a hotel in a small mid we term city and went up to his room. Later in the evening he came down, his suitcase in his hand, checked out.

“What is the trouble? Sir” asked the clerk, slightly puzzled.

“Don’t you find the room satisfactory?”

 

“The room is alright, said the man, except for one thing.

It is on fire”.

chechnya-hotel-fire

Xxx

 

In a gloomy and depressed state Eugene Field wandered into a restaurant. A busy waiter hastened up and reeled off at a high speed a long line of dishes on the present menu.

Field gazed up in melancholy and said, “Friend, I want none of these thing. All I want is an orange and a few kind words”.

–SUBHAM–

Begging and Poverty Anecdotes (Post No.3195)

 

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Compiled by London swaminathan

Date: 27 September 2016

Time uploaded in London:18-56

Post No.3195

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

A certain clergyman in charge of a poor church habitually suffered financial difficulties and was constantly appealing to his bishop for help. The bishop, losing patience, finally chided the man for making so many appeals. Not long after, the bishop received a wire from the clergyman, which said, “ This is not an appeal. It is a report. I have no pants!”

 

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baby-beggar

One of the saddest announcements ever seen, was that posted before the Negro church, saying, “Next Saturday night the annual Baptist Strawberry Festival will be held. On account of the depression, runes will be served.”

 

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On August 24, 1770, Chatterton’s landlady, a Mrs.Angel, sack-maker, No.4, Brook Street, Holborn (London) , aware of his desperate condition, offered him a good dinner, which he proudly refused. The following morning, he failed to respond to knock on the door of the garret where he lived. The door was broken down, the room was found strewn with bits of paper, fragments of Chatterton’s manuscripts and letters which he had carefully destroyed, and himself dead, having taken arsenic, aged 17 years, nine months and a few days.

 

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Thackeray tells of an Irishman begging alms from him, who, when he saw him put his hand in his pocket, cried out:

“May the blessing of God follow all your life!”.

 

But when he only pulled out his snuff box, immediately added “and never overtake ye.”

 

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A beggar, who was daily stationed near the office of a wealthy businessman, had received from him a dime a day over a long period of time. Business took the businessman out of town for a month. When he returned he passed the beggar, who said to him with a slight tone of reproach, “You owe me 3.00 dollars.”

 

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Boswell observing to Johnson that there was no instance of a beggar dying for want in the streets of Scotland.

“I believe, sir, you are very right”, says Johnson; “but this does not arise from the want of beggars, but the impossibility of starving a Scotsman.”

 

Xxxx

Leigh Richmond when travelling in Ireland, passed a man who was a painful spectacle of squalor and raggedness. His heart smote him, and he turned back and said to him:

“If you are in want, my friend, why don’t you beg?”

“And sure, isn’t it begging I am, your honor?”

“You didn’t say a word”

“Ov coorse not, your honor; but see how the skin is speaking through the holes of my trousers, and the bones crying out through my skin! Look at me sunken cheeks, and the famine that is starin’ in me eyes! Isn’t it begging that I am with a hundred tongues?”

 

–Subham–

 

 

31 Beautiful Quotations from Mahatma Gandhi (Post No.3192)

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OCTOBER 2016 ‘GOOD THOUGHTS’ CALENDAR

 

Written by London swaminathan

Date: 26 September 2016

Time uploaded in London:13-25

Post No.3192

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

Important days

Navaratri begins – Oct.1; Gandhi Jayanti-Oct.2; Sarasvati Puja- Oct.10; Vijaya dasami/Dasara- Oct.11; Deepavali-29/30;

Kanda Shashti fasting begins -Oct.31

 

Ekadasi-12, 26;Full moon-15;New moon-30; Auspicious day-28

 

gandhi2

October 1 Saturday

God has no religion.

 

October 2 Sunday

The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane

October 3 Monday

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong

October 4 Tuesday

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet

October 5 Wednesday

Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.

 

October 6 Thursday

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.”

October 7 Friday

“Love is the strongest force the world possesses.”

 

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October 8 Saturday

 “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”

October 9 Sunday

One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by looking at how it treats its animals.

 

October 10 Monday

I worship it (COW) and I shall defend its worship against the whole world. (Young India, 1-1-1925, p. 8)

October 11 Tuesday

My religion teaches me that I should by personal conduct instil into the minds of those who might hold different views, the conviction that cow-killing is a sin and that, therefore, it ought to be abandoned.
(YI, 29-1-1925, p. 38)

October 12 Wednesday

I had practiced Hinduism from early childhood. My nurse had taught me to invoke Rama when I feared evil spirits. Later on I came in contact with Christians, Muslims and others, and after making a fair study of other religions, had stuck to Hinduism. I am as firm in my faith today as in my early childhood.

 

October 13 Thursday

I want you to bear in mind what Tulsidas has said:

“Good and bad, all men are the creation of god. The man of god picks up the good and discards the bad like the proverbial swan which is able to drink the milk and leave behind water, when a mixture of water and milk is placed before it.”

 

October 14 Friday

Hinduism is not an exclusive religion. In it there is room for the worship of all prophets in the world. It is not a missionary religion in the ordinary sense of the term. It has no doubt absorbed many tribes in its fold, but this absorption has been an evolutionary, imperceptible character. Hinduism tells everyone to worship god according to his own faith or dharma and so it lives at peace with all religions.

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October 15 Saturday

To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.

 

October 16 Sunday

Have faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the whole ocean doesn’t become dirty.

 

October 17 Monday

An ounce of practice is worth a thousand words.

 

October 18 Tuesday

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.

 

October 19 Wednesday

If you want real peace in the world, start with children.

 

October 20 Thursday

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

 

October 21 Friday

You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.

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October 22 Saturday

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

October 23 Sunday

FOR ME Hinduism is all-sufficing. Every variety of belief finds protection under its ample folk. (SW, p329)

October 24 Monday

Faith is put to the test when the situation is most difficult.

 

October 25 Tuesday

In matters of conscience, the law of the majority has no place.

 

October 26 Wednesday

Religion is a matter of the heart. No physical inconvenience can warrant abandonment of one’s own religion.

 

October 27 Thursday

Ashram means a community of men of religion. I feel that an ashram was a necessity of life for me.

 

October 28 Friday

As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.

ganghi-india

October 29 Saturday

Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.

 

October 30 Sunday

Faith becomes lame, when it ventures into matters pertaining to reason!

 

October 31 Monday

Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong

gandhi-uk

–SUBHAM-

 

 

Picasso’s Poverty (Post No 3148)

Pablo Picasso Postage Stamp

CZECHLOVOKIA – CIRCA 1972: A postage stamp printed in Czechlovokia showing Pablo Picasso, circa 1972

Compiled by London swaminathan


Date: 12 September 2016

Time uploaded in London: 14-03

Post No.3148

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

 

At one time Pablo Picasso was so poor that he had Max Jacob occupied the same bed in turns. Jacob, who besides being a cultivated poet, was an impoverished novelty shop clerk, slept at night while Picasso worked. When Jacob got up in the morning to let Picasso go to bed, the floor would be carpeted with drawings, which Jacob had to walk on and from which his foot prints later had to be cleaned by art experts, since every early Picasso fragment eventually became so valuable that it could be sold.

picasso-2

 

Xxx

Hogarth, the celebrated engraver, died, as he had for the greater part of his life lived, in the greatest poverty. Within a few days of his dissolution, bailiffs were sent to seize the bed on which he lay, for a small debt which he was unable to discharge.

“Spare me”, said the expiring artist, “my bed for a little while – only I can find another in the grave”.

 

hogarth

 

Xxx

 

A New York firm applied to Abraham Lincoln , some years before he was President, for information as to the financial standing of one of his neighbours. Here was the answer:

“Yours of the 10th received. First of all he has a wife and baby; together they ought to be worth 500,000 dollars, to any man. Secondly, he has an office in which there is a table worth 1-50 dollars and three chairs worth, say 1-00 dollar. Last of all, there is in one corner a large rat hole, which will bear looking into.”

Respectfully

A.Lincoln.

–Subham–

Jokes from 75-year-old Tamil Magazine (Post No.3115)

deaf 3

Translated by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 2 September 2016

 

Time uploaded in London: 20-5

 

Post No.3115

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

To a beggar who is lame, outside the temple:-

“Hey, where is that blind fellow who I used to see every day? I haven’t seen him for the past three days.

Oh, Swami (My Lord), he has gone to a theatre to “see” a drama.

What?????????????

Because he revealed the truth about the “blind” beggar, he was given some alms.

After some days, the lame beggar was missing!

To another beggar outside the temple:

Hey, where is that lame beggar?

Other beggar: Oh, Swami (My Lord), he has gone on a “Padayatra” to Palani and from there he will “walk” all the way to Tirupati!

What?????????????????

The other beggar was given extra money for telling him the truth about the “lame” beggar.

After three days that beggar was also missing!

The temple goer met a new beggar and asked about the other missing beggar.

The new beggar told him that beggar had gone back to his shop because two of his servants resigned and gone to beg!

What??????????

Xxxxx

 

bad hearing

After a wedding feast everyone was chewing betel leaves and nuts except one person.

Hello my friend! Why didn’t you take the betel leaf and Supari? Don’t you like it?

I like it very much. But I forgot my false teeth set today!

XXX

Two deaf people met and started a conversation:

First one: Where are you going with a bag in hand Are you going to Vegetable Market?

Second Deaf: No, No, I am going to the Vegetable Market.

First Deaf: Sorry, I thought that you are going to Vegetable market.

Second deaf: Did you say that I am going to grocery shop? I am going to Vegetable Market.

First deaf: Ok, OK; Don’t shout. I heard you. Tell me next time you go to the vegetable market. I need some tomatoes.

Second Deaf: Bye, Bye.

deaf cartoon

Xxx Subham xxx