COMPILED by London Swaminathan 

 

Date: 29 MARCH 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  14-48 (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 4862

 

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Heaven and Hell Deal

A new clergyman in town sought the services of the best local physician, a man irregular in his church attendance. The medical treatment was prolonged, and the young pastor, worried over the accumulating expense, spoke to the doctor about the matter of his bill.

 

I will tell you what I will do, Pastor, said the doctor.

I hear you ae a pretty good preacher and you seem to think that I am a fair doctor. W will make a bargain. I will do all I can to keep you out of Heaven and you do all you can to keep me out of Hell, and it wont cost either of us a cent.

Sunday Amusement

Henry Ward Beecher asked Park Benjamin, the poet and humourist, why he never came to preach. Benjamin replied,

Why, Beecher, the fact is, I have conscientious scruples against going to places of amusement on Sunday.

 

People’s Voice went against Jesus!

John Wesley, in a considerable party, had been maintaining with great earnestness the doctrine of vox Populi vox Dei against his sister. At last the preacher, to put an end to the controversy, said, I tell you sister, the voce of the people is the voice of God.

Yes, replied his sister mildly, “it cried: Crucify him! crucify him”.

 

Zeal and Vigour!!!

A young minister who was temporarily filling a city pulpit made the following request in his prayers:

May the brother who ministers to this flock be filled full of fresh veal and new zigor”

Christian Life

Can I lead a good Christian life in New York City on $15 a week? a young man once asked Dr S Parkes Cadman.

My boy, was the reply, that’s all you can do

 

Illiterate preacher!

I am thankful that the Lord has opened my mouth to preach without any ‘larning’, an illiterate preacher.

A similar event took place in Balaam’s time, replied a gentleman present.

 

Religious Dispute

John Wilkes was once asked  a Roman Catholic gentleman in a warm dispute on religion:

Where was your religion before Luther?

Did you wash your face this morning? inquired the facetious alderman.

I did ,sir

Then pray where was your face before it was washed?

 

Idiot’s Vocation

Sydney Smith, the clergyman, had a combat of wit with a friend. His defeated antagonist intending to cast a slur on Smith’s vocation, fired back,

If I had a son who was an idiot I would make him a parson.

Your father was of a different opinion, was Sydney Smith’s answering thrust.

 

 

–Subham–