LAWYERS JOKES (Post No.8349)

Compiled  BY S NAGARAJAN                       

Post No. 8349

Date uploaded in London – – –16 July 2020   

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Compiled from Magazines, Jokes books, Net etc. by : S.Nagarajan

One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”

The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”

The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!”

The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…”


Best Defence        

                                                                                                  An advocate defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense.   “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by the limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.



What did the lawyer name his daughter?


What did the lawyer name his son?


What is a lawyer’s favorite suit?

Original suit

What is the best birthday present one can give a lawyer?


What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


A man sued an airline company after it mislaid his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

– A father in law

What do you call a nun that becomes a lawyer?

– A sister in law


Q :”- How many lawyer jokes are there?

A : “ Only three. The rest are true stories.”

Have you heard about the lawyer with a conscience?

Neither has anyone else.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: Their lips are moving.


Q: When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?

A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys.

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?      

                                                            Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and no one else thinks they’re jokes.


New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so?  

                    New Jersey had first choice.

Are lawyers ever going to do the real thing?        

                          Or are they happy to just “practice” law?


Quotable Quotes :

Where there is a will, there is a lawsuit.

A good lawyer is a bad neighbor   – French Proverb

Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. – Jermey Bentham

There are three types of lawyers – able, unable and lamentable. – Rober Smith Surtees.

Good people do not need laws and bad people will find ways to break laws. – Plato

The trouble with the laws these days is that criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. – Authour Unknown

With so many tax laws in India it can be said that the citizens are INTAXICATED.

Somebody recently figured out that we have 35 million laws to enforce the Ten Commandments. – Attributed to both Bert Masterson and Earl Wilson


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