Brother is coming to rescue The 99! (Post No.4191)

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 7 September 2017

 

Time uploaded in London- 21-18

 

Post No. 4191

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

A minister was deeply impressed by an address on the evils of smoking given at a synod. He arose from his seat, went over a fellow minister, and said:

“Brother, this morning I received a present of 100 good Cigars. I have smoked one of them, but now I am going home to burn the rest in the fire.”

The other minister arose and said it was his intention  to accompany  his Reverend Brother.

“ I mean to rescue the Ninety- Nine”, he added.

 

xxx

When Dr Creighton was Bishop of London he rode on a train one day with a small, meek curate. Dr Creighton, an ardent lover of tobacco, soon took out his cigar case and with a smile, said: “You don’t mind  my smoking. I suppose?”

 

The meek curate bowed and answered humbly, “Not if your Lordship doesn’t mind my being sick.”

xxx

PROFANITY ANECDOTES

Mark Twain’s Vocabulary!

Mark Twain’s habit of swearing  was revolting to his wife, who tried her best  of it to cure him  of it. One day, while shaving he cut himself. He recited his entire vocabulary and when he was finished, his wife repeated every word  he had said.  Mark Twain stunned her by saying  calmly, “ You have the words, dear, but you don’t know the tune”

 

xxx

A minister on a fishing trip was delighted to find his guide was once hired by Bishop Philips Brooks . They immediately began to talking about him, recalling many noble traits and characteristics.

“Yes”, said the guide, he was a fine man ‘cept for his swearing”

“What” exclaimed the minister, Bishop Brooks swear? Impossible.

“Oh he did sir. Once he looked a fine big bass. Just as he hoisted him into, the fish slipped and went clean off the hook. So I said to the Bishop, that is a damned shame and the Bishop came back and said, “Yes, it is. But that is the only time I even heard him use such language”

 

–Subham–

 

Two Parrot Anecdotes!

parrot

Compiled by London swaminathan

Date : 5 September  2015

Post No. 2128

Time uploaded in London : – 20-05

A certain old maid had a parrot which swore vigorously. She was used to the bird, but was in the habit of covering every Sunday in order it remained silent on that day. It chanced on a Monday morning, after the cover had been removed, that the old lady saw the minister come up the walk to pay a call. Hastily she replaced the cover on the cage; hearing the parrot observe as she moved towards the door, “This has been a damn short week!”

parrot 2

Xxxxxx

In the days of luxurious trans-Atlantic travel, shipboard entertainments frequently drew upon the professional talents to be found in the passenger list. On one occasion, the program followed up the performance of a remarkable parrot with a brief demonstration by a travelling magician. The parrot’s cage had been shoved to the one side of the stage when the magician came on for his act. Holding up a pack of cards, the man covered it with a hand kerchief, waved his hand, and the pack of cards disappeared. The parrot, looking on from the wings, cocked its head to one side. Next the magician took a book, covered it with a scarf, waved his hand, and the book disappeared. The parrot meditatively scratched its head with its claw. Taking a cloak, the magician threw it over a chair, waved his hand, and the chair disappeared. The parrot hopped up and down on its perch in the growing excitement.

In the next moment the ship was struck by a submerged iceberg; split in two, the lights were extinguished, there were screams and cries, and shortly afterwards nothing was left on the black night sea save the parrot clinging  to a piece of driftwood, bobbing up and down on the waters. The bird looked about at the dreary scene for a moment, and then said, “Marvellous! Marvellous!”

–From Thesaurus of Anecdotes