Fishing Anecdotes (Post No.7378)

Fishing Anecdotes (Post No.7378)   Compiled  by LONDON SWAMINATHAN Post no. 7378 Date 24 December 2019 Uploaded from London Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks  

WHY DID THE SIZE OF THE FISH CHANGE?

Mr Jones and Mr Glover were lunching together. As their various friends passed the table, Mr Jones would stop them and, in glowing terms, describe his success on his recent fishing trip.
Glover amused by the enthusiastic Mr Jones finally said,
“Say, I notice that in telling about that fish you changed the size of it for each different listener.”
“Yes, sure, I never tell a man more than I think he will believe.”

Xxx


If I catch three, I will have three

An old coloured man was sitting by the side of a stream patiently waiting for a bite.  A youngster, ambling along the banks, stopped to watch him.
“Say, uncle, how many you caught?”
“Well, sonny, ef I ketch dis heah one I am after and two mo, I will have three.”
Xxx
Loafs and Fishes
During the course of the Sunday school session, the teacher called upon one of the  pupils to recite some parables .

“Do you know the parables, Johnny? She asked.”
“Yes, Madam.”
“Well, I want you to tell us about the one that you like the best.”
“That is easy, Madam. I like the one where somebody loafs and fishes.”

Xxx   Icy Road
For the first time in their long married life, Mrs Smith had persuaded her husband to take her fishing with him.

Seated by the side of the stream, Mr Smith was silently doing his best to make a catch. The guide with them was engrossed only in the business at hand.  But Mrs Smith kept chattering away, asking all the questions she could think of.
Suddenly she spied a step of oily water, seeming to cross the lake like a broad smooth street.
Oh, guide, guide, , what is that streak over there?
Where, Madam? Asked the guide, endeavouring to bait a hook.
Right over there, what is it?
Why that,Madam, drawled the guide, that is just where the road went across the ice last winter.


Xxx  
Climb up the Pole


A seasoned old fisherman found his neighbor on the bank of the stream one day to be a rank green horn at the art of angling. This personages fished for some hours doing practically everything wrong. Not withstanding this, from the sheer operation of the law of averages, the beginner finally got a bite. Feverishly he reeled and reeled and reeled until at last, some miracle having saved his line, he had wound his small catch,  all the way up to the tip of his pole.

Overcome with the excitement of it all, , he turned to the experienced fisherman and said,
Now what shall I do?
“Looks to me”, said the old timer laconically, as though there was nothing left for you to do except climb up the pole and get him.

Xxxx








Brother is coming to rescue The 99! (Post No.4191)

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 7 September 2017

 

Time uploaded in London- 21-18

 

Post No. 4191

 

Pictures are taken from various sources; thanks.

 

A minister was deeply impressed by an address on the evils of smoking given at a synod. He arose from his seat, went over a fellow minister, and said:

“Brother, this morning I received a present of 100 good Cigars. I have smoked one of them, but now I am going home to burn the rest in the fire.”

The other minister arose and said it was his intention  to accompany  his Reverend Brother.

“ I mean to rescue the Ninety- Nine”, he added.

 

xxx

When Dr Creighton was Bishop of London he rode on a train one day with a small, meek curate. Dr Creighton, an ardent lover of tobacco, soon took out his cigar case and with a smile, said: “You don’t mind  my smoking. I suppose?”

 

The meek curate bowed and answered humbly, “Not if your Lordship doesn’t mind my being sick.”

xxx

PROFANITY ANECDOTES

Mark Twain’s Vocabulary!

Mark Twain’s habit of swearing  was revolting to his wife, who tried her best  of it to cure him  of it. One day, while shaving he cut himself. He recited his entire vocabulary and when he was finished, his wife repeated every word  he had said.  Mark Twain stunned her by saying  calmly, “ You have the words, dear, but you don’t know the tune”

 

xxx

A minister on a fishing trip was delighted to find his guide was once hired by Bishop Philips Brooks . They immediately began to talking about him, recalling many noble traits and characteristics.

“Yes”, said the guide, he was a fine man ‘cept for his swearing”

“What” exclaimed the minister, Bishop Brooks swear? Impossible.

“Oh he did sir. Once he looked a fine big bass. Just as he hoisted him into, the fish slipped and went clean off the hook. So I said to the Bishop, that is a damned shame and the Bishop came back and said, “Yes, it is. But that is the only time I even heard him use such language”

 

–Subham–