Compiled  by London swaminathan

 

Date: 24 February 2016

 

Post No. 2571

 

Time uploaded in London :–17-32

 

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Judges

 

The late Max Steuer, the prominent lawyer, was compelled to apologise to the court one day.  With stately dignity he rose in his place and, bowling to the judge, said

 

Your Honour is right and I am wrong, as your Honour generally is.

 

There was a dazed look in the judge’s eyes. He hardly knew whether to feel pleased or fine the lawyer for content of court.

 

Xxx

 

Judge’s daughter in the court!

 

This hurts me more than it does you, remarked the Magistrate, as he fined his daughter ten dollars for speeding and three dollars for running past a red light, and the dug into his pocket for the fines.

 

Xxx

Judge  Jeffries of notorious memory, pointing with his cane to a man who was about to  be tried, said,

“There is a rogue at the end of my cane”

 

The man to whom he pointed, looking at him said

“At which end, my lord?”

 

Xxx

 

Soundrel

 

Judge Jeffries, reprimanding a criminal, called him a scoundrel. The prisoner hotly retorted,

“Sir I am not as big a scoundrel as your honour……………..

 

Here the culprit stopped to look at the apoplectic judge, but hurriedly added,

“takes me to be.”

 

“Put your words close together”, muttered the judge.

 

 

Xxx

Witch Woman

 

Lord Mansfield chanced to be in one of the countries on the circuit when one poor woman was indicted for witchcraft. The inhabitants of the place was exasperated against her. Some witness deposed that they had seen her walk in the air and her feet upward and her head downward.

 

Lord Mansfield heard the evidence with great tranquillity, and perceiving the temper of the people, whom it would not have been prudent to irritate, he thus addressed them

 

I do not doubt that this woman has walked in the air with her feet upward, since you have all seen it. But she has the honour to be born in England as well as you and I, and consequently cannot be judged but by the laws of the country, nor punished but in proportion as she has violated them. Now I know not one law that forbids walking in the air with feet upward. We all have a right to it with impunity. I see no reason, therefore, for this prosecution, and this poor woman may return home when she pleases.

 

Xxx

 

Unfortunate lawyer

 

 

Nobody was wittier or bitterer than Lord Ellenborough. A young lawyer, trembling with fear, rose to make his first speech, and began, “My Lord, my unfortunate client …..  My Lord my unfortunate client …. My Lord, my unfortunate client…..”

 

“Go on, sir, go on”, said Lord Ellenborough,

 

“As far as you have proceeded hitherto, the court is entirely with you”.

 

 

Xxxx

 

Teacher and the judge

 

In the traffic court of one of the large Mid-Western cities ,USA, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his Honour that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten away to her classes.

 

A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.

 

You are a school teacher, eh ?, said he.

 

“Madam, I shall realise my lifelong ambition. I have waited years to have a school teacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write

“I went through a red light”, five hundred times

 

Xxxx