I will toast in Water, not in Champagne! (Post No.7048)

Compiled by  London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 2 OCTOBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 20 48

Post No. 7048

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Diplomats Anecdotes

According to diplomatic procedure, the representative of a foreign country, before being actually presented to the President, always exchanges with him the text of the speeches.
On one such occasion this formality never reached its ordinary climax. Instead of stiltedly repeating the already familiar words, President Roosevelt greeted the foreign diplomat with,
Now, Mr Minister, I have read your remarks and you have read mine, so suppose we dispense with the speeches and have a friendly chat.
Xxx

Toast in Water


After the Russo Japanese War, Admiral Togo, commander of the victorious Japanese fleet, visited the United States and was cordially received. A state dinner was tendered him at which it fell to the lot of William Jennings Fryan, then Secretary of State to propose a toast to Togo. Bryan, a staunch prohibitionist, would not touch champagne , and it was feared that some diplomatic impasse may arise from the difficulty.


Bryan, however, rose at the proper time, picked up his glass of water and said,


Admiral Togo has won a great victory on water, therefore I will toast him in water. When Admiral Togo wins a victory on champagne, I will toast him in champagne.

Xxxx

When Lady Baldwin of Bewdley visited Manhattan with her husband, Stanley Baldwin, last summer, she wanted to see the General Motors Futurama at New York Worlds Fair, but did not want to stand in line. So Earl Baldwin phoned the British consulate; the consulate called the British embassy in Washington; the embassy cabled the Foreign Office in London. The foreign office appealed to ambassador Joe Kennedy . Resourceful Joe sent a cable direct to General Motors Building at the Fair. A press agent there called lady Baldwin at the Waldorf (cost 5 cents) , told her to come right out, he would see that she was well taken care of .

Xxxx

I will cut off heads of all Frenchmen!

Henry VIII, in a spell of temper against his rival Francis I, King of France, commissioned a clergy man named Bonner to deliver an insolent and threatening message to the French court. The clergyman realised that it would be a risky job and protested that he could never hope to get back to England alive if he dared to talk to the French king in the manner Henry wished.
Don’t worry about that, said the monarch soothingly. If the King of France puts you to death, I will cut off the heads of all Frenchmen I can get my hands on.

That may be, Your Majesty, replied Bonner, tapping his head, but of all the heads in England, there is none that fits my shoulders as well as this one does.

Xxx

STORY OF FIVE RICE GRAINS (Post No.7029)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 28 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – -18-12

Post No. 7029

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

THE FIVE RICE GRAINS REPRESENT FIVE PRINCIPLES FOLLOWED BY THE JAINS. THEY INCLUDE NON VIOLENCE, TRUTH AND NON- STEALING. THOSE WHO FOLLOW THEM WILL GET THE FULL BENEFITS AND SHINE IN LIFE.

—SUBHAM —

மரண தேவனுடன் சுல்தான் வாக்குவாதம் (Post No.6996)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com


 Date: 21 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 11-43 am

Post No. 6996

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

MARK TWAIN DIED AND CAME BACK NEXT DAY! (Post No.6993)

Compiled by London swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com


 Date: 20 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 17-59

Post No. 6993

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Philosophers Meeting with a Dead Person!

A philosopher who went to call on a sick friend, was told at the door :

“He is already departed”.

“Well, tell him I called”, replied the philosopher.

Xxx

ASOKA OF PERSIA WEPT!

It is recorded that Xerxes, the King of Persia, who had gathered vast forces at the Hellespont for the invasion of Greece, caused a lofty seat to be sent upon a hill from which he could survey them.

But when he saw, says Herodotus, the whole Hellespont hidden by his ships, and all the shores and plains of Abydos thronged with men, Xerxes first declared himself happy, and presently he fell a-weeping…..

For, he said, “I was moved to compassion when I considered the shortness of all human life, seeing that of all this multitude of men not will be alive a hundred years hence.”

Xxx

MARK TWAIN REBORN!

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) , being a celebrity, turned the famous erroneous announcement of his death into a well- known quip.

More difficult was the situation of the obscure man whose death was mistakenly noted in his local newspaper.

The “corpse “ hastened to the editor to protest.

“I am awfully sorry”, the editor replied. “And it is too late to do much about it. The best thing I can do for you is to put you in the Birth Column tomorrow morning and give you a fresh start”.

Xxx

NO ONE CAN FOOL DEATH!

One day when Sultan was in his palace in Damascus a beautiful youth who was his favourite rushed into his presence, crying out in great agitation that he must fly at once to Baghdad, and imploring leave to borrow His Majesty’s swiftest horse.

The Sultan asked why he was in such a haste to go to Baghdad. “Because, the youth answered, as I passed through the garden of the palace just now, Death was attending there, and when he saw me he stretched out his arms as if to threaten me, and I must lose no time in escaping from him”.

The young man was allowed to take Sultan’s horse and fly; and when he was gone the sultan went down indignantly into the garden, and found Death still there.

“How dare you make threatening gestures at my favourite?”, he cried.

But Death,astonished, answered,

“I assure Your Majesty, I didn’t threaten him. I only threw up my arms in surprise at seeing him here, because I have a tryst with him tonight in Baghdad.”

Xxx Subham xxxx

PORTERS AND AUTOMOBILES ANECDOTES! (Post No.6984)

COMPILED BY LONDON SWAMINATHAN

swami_48@yahoo.com


 Date: 19 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 6-56 AM

Post No. 6984

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

A gentleman, considerably inexperienced in travel, had made a transcontinental touring trip. As he was about to disembark he was in some doubt as to what sum he should give the Pullman porter who had catered to him throughout most of the journey.

“Sam”, he asked, “What is the average tip you get?”

“Five dollars” replied Sam.

Whereupon he was presented with that sum.

Overcome and embarrassed, Sam shuffled his feet for a moment, and then said,

“Well, Boss, ah (I) reckon ah ought to tell you that so far you is de fust one what’s come up to the average.”

Xxx

AUTOS

An old mountaineer was on his way to the town. He decided to use the new highway that had just been completed. Just as he was about to steer his horse onto the road, an automobile whizzed by. The old man had never before seen one of these new fangled machines. Open mouthed he stared after it. Scarcely a minute passed, came a motor cycle cop. The old man was astonished. Muttering to himself he said,

“Well, by gol! Who’da thunk that thing could have a colt?

(Colt= young male horse)

Xxx

BOATS

An old lady on a sinking ship was told that they had no other hope but trust in Providence.

“Has it come to that?” said she.

Xxx

TRAVEL

The poet, John Godfrey  Saxe, had his bag packed for a trip when a friend encountered him and asked,

“Where are you going?”

“To Boston, Deo Volente”

“What route is that?, his acquaintance asked.

“By way of Providence, of course”, replied Saxe.

Dictionary meaning:–

Deo volente

/ˌdeɪəʊ vɒˈlɛnteɪ/

adverb

  1. God willing; if nothing prevents it.

“she has signed the lease for the house—it will be for both of them, Deo volente”

Xxx Subham xxx

SWALLOWING A GOLD COIN AND EXCRETING DOLLAR AND CENT COINS! (Post No.6980)

Compiled   by  London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 5 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –6-30 am

Post No. 6980

Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

In the days before gold coins were withdrawn from circulation, they were invariably  an object of interest of interest to small boys, not to mention adults. A paternal gentleman making a purchase in the store of little Abie’s father permitted the child to hold in his hand ad examine a shiny five dollar gold piece. To his consternation , as very young children will do, the child popped the gold coin into his mouth and swallowed it.

“Do not worry, do not worry”, said proprietor. I will take him into the back and hold him up by the heels and shake him”. The store owner was gone for some little time. At last he appeared apologetically with some change, and said, “Too bad we couldn’t have worked quicker. Here is two dollars and fifty cents. Abie has digested the rest”.

Xxx

 A WOMAN WAS BORN TO BE CHEATED!

The folly is ineradicable from human nature is neatly summed up by the case of the middle aged school teacher who invested her life savings in a business enterprise which had been elaborately explained to her by a swindler. When her investment had disappeared and the wonderful dream was shattered, she went to the office of the Better Business Bureau, which was able at once  to confirm her darkest fears. “Why on earth” asked the man, “didn’t you come to us first? Didn’t you know about the Better Business Bureau? ”

“oh yes, “ she said sadly, “I have always known about you. But I didn’t come because I was afraid you would tell me not to do it”.

XXX

FARMER’S HORSE AND TWO THIEVES

 Farmer Jones had a very beautiful horse of which he was very proud. One day he drove him into town and carefully tied the animal to the hitching post in front of the local tavern. Two thieves, hurrying through the town, happened to spy the horse and decided to steal it. Realizing that the horse was much too fine and valuable an animal to be stolen in the ordinary manner, they decided on a stratagem to cay out their plan.

One of them hurriedly untied the horse and  rode swiftly away. The other remained by post.

The farmer finally emerged from the tavern. Seeing that his was not where he had left him he was just about to shout when the thief walked up to him. In a sad low tone he said, “Sir, I am your horse. Years ago I sinned and for my sins I was punished. I was changed into a horse. Today my sentence is over, and I can be released if you will be so kind.”

The farmer, amazed yet touched by this story, sent the man away wishing him luck in his new life.

Several weeks later Farmer Jones went to a fair in a neighbouring town. Great was his surprise to see his own horse for sale there. Gazing long at the animal to make sure that his eyes did not deceive him, he walked over and whispering in the horse’s ear, said “ so you have sinned again”

Xxx subham xxx

விவசாயி குதிரையும், இரண்டு திருடர்களும் கதை! (Post No.6979)

Written   by  London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 5 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –6-05 am

Post No. 6979


Pictures are taken from various sources; beware of copyright rules; don’t use them without permission; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

SWINDLING ANECDOTES (Post No.6977)

Compiled  by  London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 4 SEPTEMBER 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –17-01

Post No. 6977


Pictures are taken from various sources; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 11,000.

Frog Music!

A farmer advertised a “frog farm” for sale, claiming that he had a pond that was thoroughly stocked with fine bull frogs. A prospective buyer appeared and was taken late one warm evening to the pond that he might hear the frogs. The ‘music’ made so favourable an impression on the buyer and the sale was made. Soon afterward the purchaser proceeded to drain the pond in order to catch and market the frogs, to his surprise, when the water was drained out of the pond, he found that all the noise had been made by one old bull-frog.!

Xxx

Cat Sale

A poor Irish man applied to one of the overseers of the poor for relief.

“Och, yer honor”, said he, “sure I would be starved long since but for me cat”.

“But for what?” asked the astonished interrogator.

“My ca”, rejoined the Irishman.

“Your cat- how so?”

“Sure, yer honor” I sold her eleven times for six pence a time, and she was always home before I could get there meself”

Xxx

TRAINS ANECDOTES

One time WINSTON CHURCHILL almost missed a train and Mrs Churchill was alarmed. Sir Edward Marsh, Churchill’s private secretary, tried to calm her by saying, “Winston is such a sportsman, he always gives the train a chance to get away”.

Xxx

MESSAGE FROM WIFE!

Mrs Theodore Roosevelt, the younger, after being absent from home for several days, wired her husband to meet her at a certain station. Hurrying to be on time, Colonel Ted arrived at the station just in time to see the train whiz through at a great speed. Somewhat bewildered, he stared at the speeding cars and was more astonished to see his wife standing on the very back carriage frantically waving an important looking envelope in her hand, spying him, she threw at him, and the train rounding a corner, she disappeared from the sight.

Scrambling about in the bushes into which the envelope had fallen, the Colonel finally found it and quickly opened it. He was amused and was relieved to read,

“Dear Ted: This train doesn’t stop here.”

Xxxx subham xxx

குதிரையா கணவனா? எது முக்கியம்? (Post No.6935)

WRITTEN BY London swaminathan


swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 26 AUGUST 2019  

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 8-16 am

Post No. 6935

Pictures are taken from various sources; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both the blogs 12,000.

–subham–

தமிழ் தமாஷ்- உ.வே.சா, ஐயங்கார் ஜோக்ஸ் (Post No.6931)

WRITTEN BY LONDON SWAMINATHAN
swami_48@yahoo.com

 Date: 25 AUGUST 2019  

British Summer Time uploaded in London – 7-43 am

Post No. 6931

 Pictures are taken from various sources; this is a non- commercial, educational blog; posted in swamiindology.blogspot.com and tamilandvedas.com simultaneously. Average hits per day for both blogs 12,000.

தமிழர்கள் ‘ஜோக்’ அடிப்பதில் சளைத்தவர்கள் இல்லை; உ.வே.சா. மற்றும் ராகவ அய்யங்கார் ஜோக்குகளைப் படிப்பதற்கு முன்னர் எனது சேதுபதி பள்ளி ஆசிரியர் வி.ஜி. சீனிவாசன் சொன்ன ஜோக்குகளை மீண்டும் எழுதுகிறேன்.

இரண்டு நண்பர்கள் காரசார விவாதத்தில் ஈடுபட்டனர். மூன்றாவது நண்பர் அவர்களை சமாதானப் படுத்துவதற்காக நல்லெண்ணத்தில் தலையிட்டார்.

சண்டை போட்டுக்கொண்டிருந்த இரண்டு நண்பர்களும் சொன்னார்கள்:

ஏய் , நீ  இதில் தலையிடாதே; எங்களுக்குள் ஆயிரம் விஷயங்கள் இருக்கும்; நீ தள்ளிப் போ.

மூன்றாம் நண்பர் சொன்னார்:

ஏய், சரிதான் பா; ஆளுக்கு 500 எடுத்துக்குங்க; சண்டை போடாதீங்கன்னு சொல்லத்தான் நானும் வந்தேன்; என்ன, கமிஷன் கேக்கவா வந்தேன்?

Xxx

மகன் சொன்னான்:

அப்பா, இது என்னப்பா?

சாப்பா,

டுப்போ,

டப்ப,

டும்!

என்று எழுதியிருக்கே.

அப்பா சொன்னார்:

தமிழ் தெரியாதவர்கள்  தப்பிதமாகப் பிரித்து எழுதிவிட்டார்கள்-

சாப்பாடு போடப்படும்  — என்று ஹோட்டல்காரர், வெளி நாட்டு டூரிஸ்டுகளுக்காக எழுதி வைத்துள்ளார்.

Xxx

மதுரையில் ஒரு சிறுமி கடைக்கார செட்டியாரிடம்,

அம்மா

சுக்குமி.

ளகுதி,

இப்பிலி

வாங்கிட்டு வரச் சொல்லிச்சு– என்றாள்.

கடைக்காரர செட்டியார் அப்பெண்ணின் கை யில் இருந்த சிட்டியைப் பார்த்து சுக்கு, மிளகு, திப்பிலியைக் கையில் கொடுத்து அனுப்பினார்.

xxx

xxx

–subham–