All posts in category Quotations

Taxes Anecdotes (Post No.4024)

compiled  by London Swaminathan
Date: 22 June 2017
Time uploaded in London- 21-05 (on 21st June 2017)
Post No. 4024
Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

President Roosevelt has frequently been a guest, in years past, on the Nourmahal, luxurious yacht belonging to Vincent Astor. He was once invited to take a winter cruise.

“Oh, don’t put that big thing in commission just for me”, he protested.

“Mr President, the Nourmahal is in commission all year around”, said its owner.

“Well”, rejoined the President, “I guess we will have to raise taxes on the rich again.”

 

xxx

Second Notice is more effective!

A New York man received from the Bureau of Internal revenue a “Second Notice”, that his tax payment was overdue, and carrying with it dire threats as to what would be done if it was not immediately forthcoming.  Hastening to the collector’s office, the man paid up and said, “I would have paid this before but I didn’t get your first notice”.

“Oh”, replied the clerk, “we have run out of first notices, and besides, we find that the second notices are a lot more effective”.

 

xxx

Afraid to Open

A commentary on the artist and society is found in the incident of Joseph Conrad and the offer of knighthood that was sent him in a long blue official envelope, bearing the legend “On His Majesty’s Service”

For weeks, this lay untouched on Conrad’s desk. At last the Prime Minister sent a messenger to see what had happened. Conrad, it transpired, had been afraid to open it. He thought it was the Income Tax.

 

xxx

Song for a Tax man!

 

Theodore Hook, the English Poet, was entertaining a party at his cottage in Fulham (London) with comic song improvisations, when in the middle of it his servant entered with, “Please, sir, here is Mr Winter, the tax collector; he says he has called for taxes.” hook would not be interrupted, but went on at the pianoforte, as if nothing had happened, with the following stanza,

“Here comes Mr Winter, collector of Taxes

I advise you to pay him whatever he axes;

Excuses wont do; he stands no sort of flummery.

Though Winter his name is, his presence is summary”.

 

—Subham–

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on June 21, 2017  •  Permalink
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Posted by Tamil and Vedas on June 21, 2017

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Old Maids Anecdotes (Post No.4019)

Compiled by London Swaminathan
Date: 20 June 2017
Time uploaded in London- 18-09
Post No. 4019
Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

I worry!

At a recent dinner, the Reverend Dr Minot J Savage told a story of a lady who was asked ,

“Do you ever think of getting married?”

“Think?” She answered, with asperity, “I worry:

(asperity= harshness of tone or manner)

Xxx

Question to actress

 

Maude Adams, the famous actress, was in her dressing room preparing for a performance. Her old coloured maid was dressing her hair when, without warning, she said,

“When you gwing to git married, Miss Maudie?”

“Oh, replied the star laughingly, I don’t think I will ever get married .”

“Well”, said the old servant , in a soothing tone as though to comfort her mistress, “they do say old maids is the happies’ kind after they quit struggling.”

(spelling and grammar: given the way they speak)

Xxx

Not a fussy Old Maid!

It was the maid’s day off and the lady of the house was doing her own marketing. On her way home she happened to meet the girl who was wheeling a baby carriage which contained a smiling set of twins. Stopping to pet the children she casually asked the maid ,

“And whose children are these?”

“Mine, Ma’am”

“Yours, Sally, why I always thought you were an old maid”

Well, madam, I is. But I ain’t a fussy old maid.”

 

Xxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on June 20, 2017  •  Permalink
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Marriage and Mirage– More Anecdotes

Compiled by London Swaminathan
Date: 16 June 2017
Time uploaded in London- 10-37 am
Post No. 4006
Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.
contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Hope over Experience

 

A gentleman who had been very unhappy in marriage married a second time , immediately after his first wife died.

Dr Johnson said of him,” His conduct was the triumph of hope over experience”.

 

Xxx

Marriage is Mirage

 

George Ade was fond of telling the following story,

“I was sitting with a little girl of eight one afternoon. She looked up from the copy of Hans Anderson she was reading and asked innocen ly

“Does ‘m… i…. r… a… g.. e’  spell marriage, Mr Ade?”

“Yes, my child”, said I .

Xxx

At last she sleeps Alone!

At a Hollywood party the guests were playing a game which required each one to write an epitaph for himself.

A much-married actress was sitting next to Robert Benchley and complained that she did not know what to write for herself.

Benchley said, “I will write it for you”.

He did so, and passed on her slip with his to be read out.

The epitaph when read was,

“At last she sleeps alone”.

 

Xxx

Regards, but not Marriage!

A celebrated wit was asked why he did not marry a young lady to whom he was much attached.

“I know not, he replied, except the great regard we have for each other”.

 

Xxx

Cross and Circle!

 

Into the office came a negress to collect her weekly wages.

In signing for them, she drew a circle.

“How it is , Mandy”, she was asked, “that you make a circle instead of your usual cross?”

“Why”, she said, “I done got married again and changed my name.”

 

–Subham–

 

 

 

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on June 16, 2017  •  Permalink
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More Wedding Anecdotes (Post No.3994)

Compiled by London Swaminathan
Date: 12 June 2017
Time uploaded in London- 11-03
Post No. 3994
Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.
contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Marie Antoinette’s Diary

Here is Marie Antoinette’s rather dreary account  of her wedding and honeymoon from her diary :-

Sunday, 13  Left Versailles.  Supper and slept at Compignee, at the house of M. de Saint Florentine.

Monday,14. Interview with Mme. la Dauphine

Tuesday,15–supped at La Muette . Slept at Versailles.

Wednesday 16– My marriage. Apartment in the gallery. Royal banquet in the Salle d Opera.

Thursday,17– Opera of “Perseus”.

Friday 18—Stag hunt. Met at La Belle image. Took one.

 

Saturday,19 —Dress Ball in the Salle de Opera, Fire works .

Thursday 31– I had indigestion.

 

XXXX

 

Matrimony and Purgatory!

Archbishop Ryan was one time attending confirmation in a smaller parish. The local pastor was giving the preparatory questions to one rather frightened little girl. He asked her to define the state of matrimony.

“It’s a state of terrible torment which those who enter are compelled to undergo for a time to prepare them for a better world”, she replied.

“No, no”, chided the rector,

“That is not matrimony. That is the definition of purgatory”.

“Leave her alone”, said the Archbishop, “perhaps the child has been shown the light”.

 

Xxx

Not Spirit, but Flesh!

 

Miss Drummond, the famous preacher among the Quakers some time ago, was asked if the spirit had never inspired her with thoughts of marriage

“No, friend, said she, but the flesh often has”

 

Xxx

She has no Burro!

Like many tourists, Lewis Cotlow, President of the Adventures Club, wondered why Mexican peons always ride on burros while their wives walk along behind. Finally, he stopped a peasant and asked him the reason.

The Mexican, looking very surprised, replied,

“But, Senor, my wife doesn’t own a burro”.

 

Xxx

 

Friends satisfied, enemies delighted!

Lord Lansdowne was speaking to Samuel Rogers about the marriage of a friend they both knew.

“She has made a good match”, Lansdowne ventured to remark.

I am not so sure about that, returned Rogers dubiously.

“No, why not? All her friends approve it”.

“Then, said Rogers,” she is able to satisfy everyone. Her friends are pleased and her enemies are delighted.”

—Subham—

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on June 12, 2017  •  Permalink
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Honeymoon Anecdotes (Post No.3980)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 7 June 2017

 

Time uploaded in London- 19-o8

 

Post No. 3980

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

When Cary Grant, the film actor, recently married Barbara Hutton, the couple did not depart for a wedding trip because it was necessary for Grant to report on the lot for the filming of “Once Upon a Honeymoon ”

 

Xxxx

 

Snake Charmer!

After a whirlwind court ship, the loving couple had eloped and married. After a few days of the honeymoon, the fact came out that the wife was a snake charmer. Slightly appalled, the husband said in a reproachful astonishment,

“How is that you never told me you were a snake charmer?”

Said his wife, “You never asked me”.

 

Xxx

 

Honey! Oh Honey!!!

 

While on her honeymoon, the young bride had gone out alone one afternoon to make a few purchases. Coming back to the hotel where she had been accustomed to trustfully following her husband’s guidance, she got off the elevator at the wrong floor. She went down the corridor until she reached what she supposed to be the door of her room. Finding it locked and having no key with her she knocked upon it and called out softly,

“Honey, oh Honey”.

There was no response. After a while she knocked again calling somewhat more loudly,

“Honey, oh Honey”.

When this had occurred a number of times, a blatant male voice roared out from within, saying,

“Madame, this is not a beehive, it’s a bath room”.

 

xxx

Honey! Have you got the tickets?

Bridegrooms are known for their nervousness; but here is one who managed to retain his diplomacy in the midst of all the hurry and tension of the ceremony and the departure for the honeymoon trip.

Finally, seated in the car which was to take them to the railroad station, the bride asked if he had remembered the tickets,  he reached into his pockets and pulled out — one ticket. Hurriedly gathering his thoughts, remembering his flustered feelings when he had gone to purchase the tickets, he said,

“Dear me. Look only one ticket. You see, darling. I forgot all about myself.”

 

 

–Subham–

 

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Four Duties of Ascetics (Post No.3971)

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 4 June 2017

 

Time uploaded in London- 20-50

 

Post No. 3971

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

1.Dhyaanam saucham tathaa bhikshaa nityamekaanthasiilathaa

yateschatwaari karmaani panchamam nopapadhyate

 

Dhyana – Meditation

Saucam – Maintaining purity

Bhiksa- Getting alms

Nitayamekanta silata -Remaining in solitude

 

xxxx

 

Four Types of Ascetics

One of the Upanishads classified ascetics into four types based on their goals:

 

Kutiicaka= seeking atmospheric world

Bahuudaka = seeking heavenly world

Hamsa= seeking penance world

Paramahamsa = seeking truth world

 

2.sanyaasaii syaat caturbedhah kutiicakabhahuudakau

hamsah paramahamsasca teshaam samjnaa ime bhudhaih

–Vedanta Samnjavali 135

xxxx

 

Four Types of Bad Disciples

Prajnaamaandya- dull

Kutarka= argumentative

Viparyaya – Erroneous

Duraagraha – Adamant

 

  1. atha vakshye caturbhedaah samnjaah sisyahitaaya vai

pranjamaandhyam kutarkasca viparyayaduraagrahah

—–Vedanta Samnjavali 98

 

xxxx Subham xxxx

 

 

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on June 4, 2017  •  Permalink
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Buddha’s Encounter with the Brahmins! (Post No.3950)

Written by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 28 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London- 14-56

 

Post No. 3950

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Foreigners painted Buddha as Anti Hindu and Anti Brahmin and Agnostic. Those who read Tri Pitakas would realise that all these are wrong. He only opposed the rituals like fire sacrifices which had become meaningless by his time. Vedic Hindus forgot why and for what purpose they were doing it.

 

Buddha praised Brahmins sky high and praised Vedic God Indra. He asked his followers to follow eight good virtues so that God realisation would naturally follow it. He also said in one of his speeches that he knew lot more things but he would not reveal them to his disciples. We knew why he said that. He did not want to confuse his followers and push them towards rituals.

 

But what he feared ultimately came true. He refused to allow women into his fold. But his chief disciple Ananda begged to him and got the permission. He said to him that his religion would have lived 1000 years but now that he allowed women it would live only for 500 years. That came true . Buddhism died soon but Buddhists live longer. Even Mahendra Pallavan, the mighty Pallva King of Kanchi wrote a Sanskrit drama Mattavilasa Prhasana, a comedy on fake ascetics.

 

Buddhist Veda Dhammapada contains 423 slokas in Pali. of them one tenth are about Brahmins. last Chapter is about Brahminism. Even before this chapter he says,

“And a saint, a Brahmin, is pure from past sins; even if he had killed his father and mother, had murdered two noble kings, and had ravaged a whole kingdom and its people” (294 Dhammapada).

 

Dr S Radhakrishnan, philosopher and former President of India wrote a commentary on Dhammapada, the Veda of the Buddhists. In the introduction, he gives two anecdotes about the Brahmins:

 

“Once Buddha entered a public hall at Ambathikka and found some of his disciples talking of a Brahmin who had just been accusing Gautama impiety and finding fault with the Order of the mendicants he had founded.

Brethern, if others speak against me, or against my religion, or against the order, there is no reason why you should be angry, discontented or displeased with them. If you are so, you will not only bring yourselves into danger of spiritual loss, but you will not be able to judge whether what they say is correct or not correct”.

Intolerance seemed to him the greatest enemy of religion.

 

“When a Brahmin came to the Buddha with the remnants of his oblationin his hand, the Buddha said to him, Do not deem, O Brahmin, that purity comes by merely laying sticks in fire, for it is external. Having therefore, left that course, I kindle my fire only within, which burns for ever.  Here in this sacrifice the tongue is the sacrificial spoon and the heart is the altar of the fire.” (Samyutta 1-168)

 

Source: The Dhammapada, English Translation and Notes by S Radhakrishnan, Year 1950

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on May 28, 2017  •  Permalink
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30 Beautiful Quotations from the Yajur Veda! (Post No.3943)

30 Beautiful Quotations from the Yajur Veda! (Post No.3943)

 

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 26 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 8-44 am

 

Post No. 3943

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

June 2017 ‘Good Thoughts’ Calendar

 

Festival/ Holidays: June 7-Vaikasi Visakam in Skanda Temples in Tamil Nadu, 9- Saint Kabir Jayanti, 25- Puri Rath Yatra,  26-Ramadan, 30- Ani Thirumanjanam (Uththiram) in Nataraja temples in Tamil Nadu

Auspicious days: June 1, 4, 14, 16, 19, 26, 28, 30.

Full Moon day -June 9, New Moon Day- 23, Ekadasi days -4, 20

TS= TAITTIRIYA SAMHITA

 

June 1 Thursday

Verily the priests are angels – TS 1-7-3-2

 

June 2 Friday

Like a cucumber from its stem, may I be loosened from death, not from immortality -TS 1-8-6-9

 

June 3 Saturday

May I go along an unbroken web of life  TS 1-2-3-12

 

June 4 Sunday

People should not Enquire about the caste of a truly learned man – Kathaka Samhita/YV 30-1

It is also in Manu Niti and Purananuru of Tamil sanagam

 

June 5 Monday

This is your king, O Bharatas! Soma is the king of us, Brahmins – Yajur Veda/TS 1-8-10-2

 

June 6 Tuesday

The wife is half of a person’s self (husband) – TS 6-1-8-5

 

June 7 Wednesday

The gods said of these two (the Asvins), impure are they wandering among men, and physicians . Therfore a Brahmin should not practise medicine, for the physician is impure, unfit for sacrifice TS-6-4-9-1/2

 

June 8 Thursday

One should not give to one who sings- TS 6-1-7-2

 

June 9 Friday

 

A prince who has a Brahmin is superior to another prince- TS 6-1-10-3

It is also in Tiruk Kural: Minister is a must for a king; in those days only Brahmins were ministers

 

June 10 Saturday

Man is of a hundred years of age and of a hundred fold of strength; verily they find support in age and strength TS 7-9-5-2

 

June 11 Sunday

The minds of some creatures are set on energy, those of others are on rest; therefore, the active lords it over him who takes his ease -TS 6-2-1-7

 

June 12 Monday

He that has a cart and he that has a chariot are of guests the most honoured – 7-4-4-2

 

 

June 13 Tuesday

Gruel is the food of the Kshnatriya nobility, curd of the Vaisya and milk of the Brahmin. Manu was in the habit of taking a drink three times a day, the Asuras twice, the gods once -TS 6-2-5-3

 

June 14 Wednesday

Homage (Namah) to the gods. Svadha to the ancestors (pitrs) -TS 6-3-10-5

 

June 15 Thursday

At birth a Brahmin has three debts- that to the seers he pays back by being a pupil (i.e. by studying the Vedas), to the gods by offering sacrifices and to the fathers /ancestors by raising a family – 6-3-10-5

It is also in Purananuru and Tirukkural of Tamil Literature

 

June 16 Friday

Not by bread alone:

Viraaj dividing itself stayed among the Gods with the holy power (brahman) among the Asuras with food- TS 6-8-2-3

 

June 17 Saturday

Men do not give up even one worthy of death because the gods once gave shelter to Adityas, they were not betrayed to Rudra who was chasing them – TS 5-6-2-3 (mere pursuit of food was regarded unworthy)

 

June 18 Sunday

As I have created you by penance so seek ye offspring through penance TS. 7-1-5-2

 

June 19 Monday

He (the priest) muttering the yaajyaas is like one who has found rich treasure and hides it TS 1-5-2-3

 

June 20 Tuesday

What the gods could not win by sacrifice, that they won by the para grahas ( a particular serving of libation is called para graha)- TS 3-3-6-1

 

June 21 Wednesday

Taking the strength of the metres I shall bestow it upon you – TS 3-6-3-7/1

 

June 22 Thursday

With thy tusks the burglars

With thy teeth the robbers

With thy jaws the thieves, o blessed one (Agni)

Do thou chew the well-chewed TS 4-1-10-6

 

June 23 Friday

 

Let the God Savitr purify you with a whole sieve and with the sun’s rays win thee, O Lord of the path. As a chariot to win the prize we have yoked thee for the our prayer, O Pusan – TS 1-1-14-5

 

June 24 Saturday

This body which is mine is in you

That body which is yours is in me (oft repeated formula in Yajur Veda)

 

June 25 Sunday

Protect me when in want

Protect me when afflicted – TS 4-1-3-13

 

June 26 Monday

Agni with one syllable won speech;

The Asvins with two  syllables won expiration and inspiration

Vishnu with three….. Three worlds

Soma with for………….. the four footed cattle

Pusan with five……….. Pankti;

Prajapati with seventeen….. the seventeen-fold stoma TS

 

June 27 Tuesday

The Asuras drove the gods to the south,

the gods repelled them by the Upasaya post

All the other posts have victims

The Upasaya has none, its victim is the sacrifice … TS 6-6-4-3/4

 

June 28 Wednesday

Seven, O Agni, are your faggots

Seven tongues, seven sages, seven dear stations, seven hotr priests offer to you in seven different ways – TS15-3-8

 

June 29 Thursday

The swan seated in purity, the bright one seated in the atmosphere, the hotr seated in the firmament. Born of the waters, of the cows, of holy order, of the mountain, the great holy order- TS 1-8-15-12

 

June 30 Friday

The hotr mounts a swing; verily they mount back of the firmament, the adhvaryu mounts two mats, verily they reach the surface of the ruddy one. They raise loud noise…play on the lute….run a race…. beat the erath…..Two strive on a dry hide, one rivals, the other extols, girls dance aroud the Marjalya fire with water pots on their heads singing. This is honey (TS 7-5-8-5/9)-(Games and Sports during Vedic Era)

   

–Subham–

 

 

 

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on May 26, 2017  •  Permalink
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Society anecdotes (Post No.3940)

 

Lord Balfour (former Prime Minister of United Kingdom)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 25 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 6-18 am

 

Post No. 3940

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

Disappointing Lord!

 

Lord Balfour was visiting friends in Scotland. One evening, while attending a dinner given in his honour, he noticed that the little daughter of his host was eyeing him covertly. He smiled to her and she, plucking up courage asked him,

“Are you really and truly an English Lord?”

“Yes, he answered gravely, really, truly”.

“I have often thought I should like to see an English Lord”

She went on and….and

“And now you aware satisfied”, he asked her.

“N……. no she answered slowly, I am not satisfied.I am a good deal disappointed”.

 

Xxxx

 

Young Bible, but not Lettered!

At a fashionable salon in London appeared , a young gentleman, the son of His Majesty’s printer who had the patent to print the Bibles. He was dressed in green and gold. Being a new face and extremely elegant, he attracted the attention of the whole company. A general murmur prevailed in the room, to learn who he was.

 

Colley Ciber, the outrageous wit, who was present, instantly made reply, loud enough to be heard by everybody:

“Oh don’t you know him?

It is young Bible, bound in calf and gilt, but not lettered”.

xxx

More Introduction Anecdotes

W Wilson (former President of America)

Woodrow Wilson’s Rejoinder!

When Woodrow Wilson was president of Princeton he was called upon to be the chief speaker at an educators banquet in New York . Dr Nicholas Murray Butler of Columbia was toast master. When the time came to introduce the principal speaker, Dr butler presented him as “A sleepy man from a sleepy little college in a sleepy little town”.

Wilson rose and opened his remarks by saying,

“The charge of sleepiness could never be brought against Dr Butler for is it not said in the scriptures,

Lo, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.”

 

Xxx

 

Unbroken Blemish!

At a banquet in Dublin a toast master was delivering a eulogy of Sir Henry Irving

“Sir Henry”, he said, “is not only the artist of the first rank, the first of his profession to be honoured with a knighthood, but is also a man of utmost integrity and highest honour. It would not be too much to say that his has been a life of unbroken blemish”.

 

–SUBHAM–

 

 

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by Tamil and Vedas on May 25, 2017  •  Permalink
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Introduction Anecdotes (Post No.3937)

Compiled by London Swaminathan

 

Date: 24 May 2017

 

Time uploaded in London: 19-15

 

Post No. 3937

 

Pictures are taken from various sources such as Face book, Wikipedia and newspapers; thanks.

 

contact: swami_48@yahoo.com

 

 

 

Hot Potato and Fools

During one of his campaigns, William Jennings Bryan spoke in a city in one of the North-Western states (USA). The chairman in presenting the speaker, made an embarrassing fulsome and eulogistic introduction of Bryan, in such bad taste that many wondered how Bryan would succeed in overcoming the unfortunate effect of it. Bryan however wasn’t easily dismayed.

“The very kind observations of the chairman”, he said, “bring to my mind the case of the man at a formal banquet table, who impulsively put into his mouth a large fork full of steaming, hot baked potato, which he instantly spat out upon his plate. Looking about at his disconcerted fellow guests and at his hostess, he remarked blandly, “Some damn fools would have swallowed that”.

 

Xxx

Shortest German Introduction

Long introductions, when a man has a speech to make are a bore, said former senator John C Spooner, one of the great senate leaders.

“I have had all kinds, but the most satisfactory one in my career was that of a German Mayor of a small town in my state, Wisconsin”.

I” was to make a political address and the opera house was crowded. When it came time to begin the mayor got up.

“Mine friends, said he, I hafe asked been to introduce Senator Spooner who is to make a speech, ja. Vell, I hafe did so und he will now do so”.

 

Xxx

Introduction of a Big Man

 

“I had expected to find Mr Lloyd George a big man in every sense”, playfully remarked the chairman, when introducing the statesman to a meeting.

“But you see for yourselves he is quite small in stature”.

Lloyd George was no whit abashed.

“In North Wales”, he remarked, “we measure a man from his chin up. You evidently measure from his chin down.”

xxxx

Most Notorious Woman

The lady from Arkansas, senator Hatie Caraway , was about to address a gathering of her constituents . The chairman introduced her with a prolonged and lavish eulogy, culminating thunderously with the words,

“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you the most notorious woman in Arkansas.”

 

Xxxx

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by Tamil and Vedas on May 24, 2017  •  Permalink
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