COMPILED  by London Swaminathan

swami_48@yahoo.com

Date: 27 June 2019

British Summer Time uploaded in London –20-29

Post No. 6607

Pictures are taken from various sources including Facebook, google, Wikipedia. This is a non- commercial blog. ((posted by swamiindology.blogspot.com AND tamilandvedas.com))

MORE CHURCH ANECDOTES

There had been a series of severe electrical storm s In Oorange, New Jersey and the vestrymen of a certain church in that town had discussed the advisability of placing lightning rods on the edifice. So they went on to call Thomas Edison, the inventor, to get his opinion.

“I think, Sir”, said their spokesperson, “the lightning rods are a mighty good thing on a building. What do you think?”
“What sort of building is this ?” Asked Edison impatiently.

“A church”.

“By all means put them on”, said the great inventor.
“You know Provident is absent minded sometimes”.
Xxx

PICK POCKETS  IN SYNAGOGUE

Harpo Marx is not a religious man. He has never entered a synagogue but once since his Bar Mitzvah. On this occasion he entered a synagogue in search of his bootlegger. He got his pocket picked.

BAR MIZVAH

Bar mitzvah is a Jewish coming of age ritual for boys. Bat mitzvah is a Jewish coming of age ritual for girls. The plural is b’nai mitzvah for boys, and b’not mitzvah for girls. 

Xxxx

President , I am not sure, but God will be there!

One day the telephone in the office of the Rector of  President

 Roosevelt ‘s Washington Church rang and an eager voice said,

“Tell me, do you expect the president to be in church this Sunday?”
That, the rector explained patiently,
“I can’t promise. However, God will be there and that will be incentive enough for a reasonably large attendance”.

Xxx

ONE TOOT, YOU AARE OOT

In a small Scottish church, a sexton was painstakingly pursuing his duties, seeing that everyone had his place and was properly quiet during the sermon.

In a small Scottish church, a sexton was painstakingly pursuing his duties, seeing that everyone had his place and was properly quiet during the sermon.

Suddenly he spied an old Scots woman with an ear trumpet. Being unfamiliar with this device, he hurried over to her and in a low tone said,
One toot and you are oot. (OUT)

ear trumpet

noun

1. a trumpet-shaped device formerly used as a hearing aid.

Xxx
JEROME D ENGEL

In the later years of his ministry, the southern preacher Jerome D Engel, became slightly hard of hearing. A legend has it that at one service during the announcement period, Engel informed the congregation about new hymnal S which were being ordered and which were to be purchased individually by the congregation. When he had finished the announcement, the Deacon of the church rose to remind the audience that the following Sunday was the regular day for the baptism of infants.

Engel, not hearing clearly, and thinking that the deacon had made reference to the books, hastily added,

All you who haven’t any , can get as many as you want, by calling on me, at 75 cent a piece.

Xxx

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PREACHING

A woman engaged an Irish maid from the city to serve at her country estate. The girl was a devout catholic and suffered from the fact that the only church of any description within reach of her new place of employment was a Christian Science temple. Feeling the necessity to worship in somewise she at last attended service there . Upon her return her employer asked

“Well, Mary, how did you like the Christian Science services?”

“Faith, said Mary, it was mighty quare. I went in and sat down and after a time a man on one side of the church got up and told what Mary Baker Eddy had done for him. Then another man got up and told what Mary Baker eddy done for him. And next a woman in front of me got up and told what Mary Baker eddy done for her, and it went on until I couldn’t it stand it any longer and I got right up and told what Lydia E Pinkham had done for me”.

Lydia Pinkham

Inventor

Description

Lydia Estes Pinkham was the inventor and marketer of an herbal-alcoholic “women’s tonic” for menstrual and menopausal problems, which some dismissed as a quack remedy, but which is still on sale today in a modified form

Xxxxsubham xxxx

Xxxxsubham xxxx