Sleeping and Snoring in Church Services! (Post No.6638)

Compiled by London swaminathan


swami_48@yahoo.com


Date: 16 JULY 2019


British Summer Time uploaded in London –16-49

Post No. 6638


Pictures are taken from various sources including Facebook, google, Wikipedia. This is a non- commercial blog. ((posted by swamiindology.blogspot.com AND tamilandvedas.com))


Dr South, when preaching before Charles II, observed that the monarch and his attendants began to nod. And some of them soon after snored. On this he broke off his sermon and said,
Lord Lauderdale, let me entreat you to rouse yourself; you snore so loud, that you will awake the king.


Xxx.

Three Kinds of Pride!

My brethren, said the satirical Dean Swift in a sermon, there are three kinds of pride—
of  birth, of riches and of talent. I shall not speak of the latter, none of you being liable to that abominable vice.
Xxx

Sermon and Deer Hunt


A somewhat self -satisfied and greatly inexperienced young preacher one Sunday supplied the pulpit of a country church. After services he asked one of the church fathers what he thought of his sermon.

“Now I tell you, said the old man ,
I will put it in a sort of parable . I recollect Archie Tucker’s first deer hunt. He was kind of green. He followed the deer alright, but he followed it all day in the wrong direction”.

Xxx

Drowning in Water!!

A prominent bishop tells of the Sunday morning when he was approached after the service by an old lady, who said in a tone of appreciation,
“Bishop, you will never know what your service meant to me. It was just like water to a drowning man!”

Xxx

Ten Minutes Sermon is Enough!!


A certain minister recounted a harrowing experience which befell him during one of his sermons. Just as he was beginning his address, an elderly lady of stern mien marched down and seated herself directly beneath him in front of the pulpit. She opened up a little kit, assembled the various parts of a rather elaborate hearing mechanism and affixed it her ears. After not more than ten minutes of his discourse, she suddenly took off the ear pieces, unscrewed the mechanism and packed it neatly away in its little box and sat with her hands in her lap throughout the rest of the sermon.

Xxx

Charles Lamb and Coleridge!


“I believe, you have never heard me preach, Charles”, said Coleridge, referring to the days of his Unitarian ministry.
“Yes, retorted Lamb, I …I … never heard you do anything else”.

Xxx

Garrick said he would give a hundred Guineas if he could say
“Oh!” as well as the Rev. Whitefield


Xxxx Subham xxxx

Circus Elephant: Gratitude Anecdotes (Post No.2906)

snoring

Compiled by London swaminathan

 

Date: 18  June 2016

 

Post No. 2906

 

Time uploaded in London :– 14-05

 

( Pictures are taken by London swaminathan)

 

DON’T REBLOG IT AT LEAST FOR A WEEK!  DON’T USE THE PICTURES; THEY ARE COPYRIGHTED BY SOMEONE.

 

 

(for old articles go to tamilandvedas.com OR swamiindology.blogspot.com

 

me-snoring

An old deacon, having occasion to spend a night at a hotel, was assigned a room containing three single beds, two of which already had occupants. Soon after the light was extinguished one of these began to snore so loudly as to prevent the deacon from getting to sleep. The tumult increased as the night wore away, until it became absolutely fearful. Some two or three hours after midnight the snorer turned himself in bed, gave a hideous groan, and became silent. The deacon had supposed the third gentle man asleep, but at this juncture he heard him exclaim,

He is dead! Thank god. He is dead!

Xxxx

 

Are you fond of lobster salad? Asked the hostess of the Doctor.

 

No, he replied, I am not fond of it but I am grateful to it.

 

Xxx

It is my Corn!

You have much to be grateful for, said the clergyman to the old farmer,

Providence cares for us all . Even the birds of the air are fed each day.

Yeah, growled the farmer, off my corn.

 

Xxx

 

Hot_Springs_13546

Complaint: God is not giving us soap!

In some parts of Mexico hot springs and cold springs are found side by side. The women often boil their clothes in the hot springs and rinse them in the cold springs. A tourist who had been watching the procedure, remarked to his Mexican friend, I guess

They think old Mother Nature is pretty generous.

 

No, senor, the other replied,

There is much grumbling because she supplies no soap.

 

Xxx

 

Not withstanding his long career of snatching killers out of the clutches of the law, Samuel Leibowitz is not an admirer of the class. He considers them unlovable natures and born ingrates. Demonstrating this, he notes that no single one of the 78 men whom he has saved from the chair ever sent him a Christmas card.

 

Xxx

 

elephamts

Dr Walter Adams elephant story (posted by me here on 11/7/2015)

Indians are very familiar with the stories of gratitude. We have such stories in the Panchatantra fables. But I am not going to repeat those fables. Here is a real life story:

Dr.Walter Adams, astronomer at Mount Wilson Observatory told a story of gratitude:

“A hunter in the jungle came across an elephant limping. The hunter followed it. Finally it toppled over. The hunter examined its feet. In one there was a large thorn. This he removed

Years passed and the hunter was in a cheap seat at a circus. A turn was given by a troupe of performing elephants. One of these elephants reached in its trunk, encircled his waist, and lifted from his cheap seat and set him down in a seat in a private box.

 

Xxx

Snake and Frog

Snake and Frog

frog-_1837515b

While fishing one day, said the old timer, I ran short of bait and and temporarily at loss as to what to do. Upon looking down near my feet, I noticed a small snake which held a frog in its mouth I removed the frog and cut it up for bait, feeling very fortunate that my eyes had lighted on the snake at that moment.

I did, however feel a bit guilty at relieving the poor reptile of his meal, and in order to give him a slight recompense for my supply of bait, I poured a few drops of whisky into its mouth. Fortunately for my conscience, the snake seemed to leave in a contented mood, and I turned and went on fishing.

Sometime had passed when something hitting against the leg of my boot. Looking down I saw the identical snake, laden with three more frogs.

–Subham–