Fatness and Drinking Anecdotes (Post No.5110)

 

Compiled by LONDON SWAMINATHAN

 

Date: 14 JUNE 2018

 

Time uploaded in London –  19-56  (British Summer Time)

 

Post No. 5110

 

Pictures shown here are taken from various sources such as Facebook friends, Books, Google and newspapers; thanks. Pictures may be subject to copyright laws.

The English artist C R W Nevinson tells,

“Sisley Huddleston and I were great friends. He was a man of enormous stature.   We have dined and wined together in all parts of Paris, roared with laughter, and teased ‘the girls’.  On one occasion Sisley, Clive Bell and I had eaten chicken and rice and had drunk wine with it.  Being a large man, Sisley had a large appetite.  We took one of those tiny Parisian taxis to Boulevard street St Germain and when we arrived outside we discovered that the rice had swelled so much inside Sisley that it was impossible for him to get out of the door. We pushed and pulled, but he seemed to be growing larger before our eyes; and at length the driver opened the roof, and Sisley came out through that and over the back.  By that time he and I and the driver were so hysterical with merriment that they refused us permission to the Brasserie Lipps in the belief that we were drunk; and Clive Bell who had stood by, shocked and exquisite, was furious because he had a rendezvous there with famous artist Derain.

Xxxx

Too big for the Door!

Years ago, when one of her sons was a cadet at Culver,  Madame Shumann Heink  went to visit him.  She was told where his dormitory was, and wishing to surprise him, she decided to go to his room unannounced.  Arriving at the dormitory she found it to be still under construction.  As she went through a door way, the silver of would caught on her dress and tore a small hole in it. A cadet, who happened to be passing by at that time, called out impudently,

“Madame you should have gone through that door sideways”.

Without taking offence, the heavily built singer laughed heartily,

“Mein got, child, I have no sideways”.

Xxx

Drinking Anecdotes

 

The temperance lecturer, having exhorted the audience with the full force of his eloquence, having demonstrated all the familiar tricks, such as the emersion of an angleworm in a glass of whisky with its consequent agonies, decided to cap the climax with a homely object lesson:

“If I put a pail of whisky and a pail of water in front of a hard-working donkey toiling in the fields, which would he drink?”

 

“The water, bellowed a lusty voice in the audience”.

“That is true, my friend”, said the lecturer.

“And why would he drink water?”

Because he is a jackass, was the immediate reply.

(Jackass= a stupid person or an ass/donkey)

 

Xxx

Let me out

No durance vile could be more pathetic than that suffered by the drunk who was found wandering agonizingly around and around on the sidewalk outside the fence which encloses Gramercy Park, beating upon the bars and screaming, “Let me out”.

Xxx

Two people Remained!

In the days of Nevada was a territory Bill Nye, the humourist was appointed Governor.  So he journeyed to Carson city to take over his duty, and the boys had  gotten together and decided to put the Easterner and his friend in their place by giving them a big banquet and drinking them under the table in short order.  The night of the banquet drinks and speeches flowed unceasingly for hours.  One by one those present slipped gracefully under their chairs and slumbered noisily beneath the tablecloths.

At a small hour of the night only two men were left in a state of consciousness and seated upright—Bill Nye and Mark Twain.

“Well, Bill”, said Twain, stretching and getting up from his chair, “lets go out of here somewhere and Get a drink”

xxx

 

Full, Half, Quarter…. Empty Whiskey Bottle

The representative of an auction house was sent to a home to take an inventory of the goods therein in preparation for a sale. The inventory had progressed in an orderly manner through many large items, such as , one walnut bedroom suite, then listed in detail, and similar items of furnishings.

At the top of this list was one quart scotch whiskey, full, the list continued, then appeared the item, one quart whiskey, partially full. The list continued; then appeared the item, one whiskey bottle, empty.

The final item on the list was, two revolving Turkish rugs!

XXX  SUBHAM XXX

 

 

 

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